I have a feeling it's all going to amount to nothing... - Page 2

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

If anyone said anything to my ds about his penis in a negative sense be it close family or not that would be the last time they saw my ds :

Yes. They would get an ultimatum fast and a clear message that that type of talk is not tolerated, period.

But still I don't think anyone would have the guts to be that cruel to a young man to his face.

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by Ann-Marita

Next time some person makes a rude comment, say something like:

"Why are you so interested in my son's penis? Are you planning on having sex with him? If not, it's none of your business."

Shorter than that. My son's penis is none of your business.

or, My son's penis is not up for discussion.

I'm also saving this one, although it's rude and a last resort -- if you're interested in cutting genitals, then go get your own cut off.

[KBecks]

OP, you may not feel comfortable discussing circ with others now, but as you get older and feel you have more credibility, you can be a great advocate to other moms. Don't give up on intactivism all together, down the road you may feel more comfortable sharing with others.

Hang in there!!

[LavenderMae]

I would let them know with no doubt if they continue to talk negatively about your son they won't be seeing either of you anymore. It is never okay to talk bad about a child's (or anyone's really) body. They need to get that it's just not okay and you aren't going to put up with it. I wouldn't give them the chance to affect your son's self-esteem or body image and I would tell them as much.

I'm sorry you are getting so much grief for not cutting off one of your son's healthy body parts......just ridiculous really.

[Mommiska]

I'm so sorry you are having to put up with those kinds of comments. Unbelievable.

Your son is very fortunate to have you as a mom - someone who was willing to stand up for his own right to decide what happens to his own body. Someone who was unwilling to allow others to pressure her into hurting her son unnecessarily, and taking away an important part of his sexuality. You're doing a great job!

As your son gets older, I would make sure he understands what circumcision is and what it takes away from a man. I would make sure he understands what his foreskin is, how it functions and how it is the most sensitive part of a man's penis. Obviously, tailoring the information to you son's age at the time!

But if your son is educated about the foreskin and circumcision, he will, I have no doubt, be grateful that you protected him.

As for the people making negative comments - I would also make it clear to them that you are unwilling to continue to listen to these comments, and that under NO circumstances are they to say anything like that to your son.

How would you feel about finding a good article about circumcision and printing it out for some of these people? Then you could tell them that once they'd read the article and are fully informed about how damaging circumcision is, THEN you'd be willing to discuss the issue with them, but not beforehand.

[Roar]

Why do your family and friends know anything about your son's penis?
If you aren't trying to be an activist and spread the word, why are you engaged in these discussions in the first place?

[calngavinsmom]

Oh Momma, that sucks. You did your son a favour.....never forget it!

If it were me, I probably would come back with something just as immature, like "Sorry, I don't get my jollies from paying a doc to strap down my baby and cut off the most sensitive part of his body, that's just sick!"

I am sure if you raise your son with a positive self image, he will be more than fine(especially when it comes to his penis).

Take care,
Tara

[cherri0196]

to you!!

Im sorry your dealing with these morons!! i haven't ever heard such rude comments in my life!! You seem like too nice a person to stoop to their level and say mean things back. so i wouldn't go there, next time someone say's something rude to you just politely say I don't appreciate you making negative remarks around me or my son about intact penis' and if i hear one again i won't be talking to you or seeing you ever again, so keep your comments to yourself.

I know its hard, im VERY non-confrontational but i think if it would be effecting my son i would definably say something.

Stick to your gun's. you did the right thing keeping your son intact. he won't be "the only one" he won't be riddled with infections and scare away women, believe me everything will be fine.

Just teach your son to have good self esteem not to do what he needs to to "fit in"

Good luck!!!

[KBinSATX]

Originally Posted by liliesandliars

I live in Houston, Texas, and around here I think the circumcision rate is still around 70%.

I would have NEVER guessed that the circ rate would be high in Houston. We are in San Antonio, Texas and with Hispanic population so high and stupidity declining at a good pace circ rate is relatively low here.

If I was you I'd be very assertive in drawing a line here. This is not about circ or no circ but about people having boundaries.

I wouldn't waste my breath on discussing this with those dimwits. I would think of a standard response and leave it at that. Something like:

My son's gentitals are not up for discussion. Pass the butter/ Hand me the 'Smith-Westinghouse Folder'/ How is Aunt Lily

[hakunangovi]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this level of insensitivity and stupidity. Never doubt for a second that you did the right thing. Your son will thank you one day. Stand proud !!

I rather like CALNGAVINSMOMS response. It makes your detracters look like perverted idiots.

However, You might also think about printing out the Men's Health article "Separated at Birth", which can be found at www.noharmm.org/separated.htm . I would think it should carry some credibility, especially with your brother. Just hand it to people, any time the subject comes up, and tell them that you think they should read it.

[riversong]

Originally Posted by KBinSATX

We are in San Antonio, Texas and with Hispanic population so high and stupidity declining at a good pace circ rate is relatively low here.

If one of my female friends/coworkers told me that they broke up with a man because he was intact I'd be thinking, "Did you ever wonder if a previous boyfriend broke up with you because he didn't like your vagina?" I'd probably never say that, but I'd be thinking it! How shallow. I hope your ds finds a girlfriend who likes him for *more* than just his penis.

[trmpetplaya]

Originally Posted by riversong

If one of my female friends/coworkers told me that they broke up with a man because he was intact I'd be thinking, "Did you ever wonder if a previous boyfriend broke up with you because he didn't like your vagina?" I'd probably never say that, but I'd be thinking it! How shallow. I hope your ds finds a girlfriend who likes him for *more* than just his penis.

Oh man, an ex-coworker actually told me this and it just blew my mind. Honestly I was so not expecting it and had no comeback ready (this was almost three years ago now)... I was about two seconds away from presenting the "shallow woman filter" reason to not circumcise the son she was expecting and I didn't dare bring it up right after THAT revelation. It would only have made her super-defensive. I also haven't spoken to her since then even though we were pretty decent friends before the circumcision conversation. She lives quite a ways away so it wasn't too hard, but I didn't do any good and that WAS hard

love and peace.

[Microsoap]

Just a slight vent here: Why is it okay for ignorant people to say ignorant comments (like the OP stated) and it's not okay for US to say: "God, I feel so sorry your son having to grow up and *bop!* with a dead-end d**k!; uh, yeah... 'cause women just LOVE to see a mutilation scar 1.5" down from the rim of the head!". Sometimes it gets frustrating having to take the high road.

[Arduinna]

I'm curious why your coworkers would even know the status of your sons penis?

Have you tried being upfront with them and telling them that they are wasting their breath and that their continued harassment of you will not change your mind.

I'm surprised you haven't told them F off at this point. I would have.

[cat_tengel]

I am so sorry--some people can be absolutely horrible. I really haven't got any suggestions for a snappy response to people like that--the only ones who have felt free to comment on my sons' intact state in a negative way are my in-laws (and my DH shut them up before I had a chance! ).

If it helps with your worrying at all, we've lived in two fairly circ-happy states (Missouri & Colorado), and my eldest son has never had any trouble with his peers over it--it's just never been an issue. The only one who has mentioned it to him was my BIL (not negatively, just saying "oh, it happens to lots of baby boys") and my son responded very confidently "well, that didn't happen to me or my brother".

Good luck, and stay positive! You made the right choice, and he'll thank you for it some day!

[trmpetplaya]

Originally Posted by Microsoap

Just a slight vent here: Why is it okay for ignorant people to say ignorant comments (like the OP stated) and it's not okay for US to say: "God, I feel so sorry your son having to grow up and *bop!* with a dead-end d**k!; uh, yeah... 'cause women just LOVE to see a mutilation scar 1.5" down from the rim of the head!". Sometimes it gets frustrating having to take the high road.

I was just thinking about this the other day... especially on message boards, women who circumcised will get all offended about calling it anything but circumcision even though they're going on and on about how our sons', husbands', etc penises are "gross" or "unhygienic" or whatever insult they feel like slinging at the moment.

The idiotic double standard of cultural norms...

love and peace.

[gabysmom617]

Wow. My words tend to be tainted with hormones about this time every day. I havent' read all the responses.

But sheez. I'd ask every one of those people:

WHY DO ANY OF YOU GIVE A FREAK ABOUT MY SON'S PENIS??? DISTURBING!!!

(I'd also imagine that the number of intactness may be going up in that area being that a lot more people from different cultures moving into the area. From the first couple of ignorant comments you posted about people having lovers who are intact, to me that would suggest in itself that the tides are turning.)