what "talks" do you have and when?

[A&A]

My dd is almost 11; my dh thinks I should be having more "girl talks" with her. But I don't know what we're supposed to be talking about!

I bought her a book on puberty. She already knows about periods. (Her funny comment: "And I thought that getting a bloody nose was the worst bleeding I'd ever have to do!")

I asked her recently if there are any cute boys at school. She rolled her eyes and said, "Mom, ask me that again in, like, 9th grade!"

She knows the basics of sex; when exactly do you have the "protection" talk? I really don't think she is interested in boys (or girls, either, just for the record) at this point in time.

So, any ideas for "talks" about girl issues?

Oh, and when do I buy her a bra? When she asks for one or when I think she's starting to need one? (I hate wearing a bra, personally.)

[terrordactyl]

i would buy her a bra when she starts needing one because she might be to embarrassed to ask one i know i was because my mom didnt wear one

[ArielMomma]

When she was 12 a girl in her class got pregnant. We started having talks about relationships, commitment, condoms and birth control then. She likes to read so when she was 13 I bought her a book on basics. At 14 I bought her a couple of more books which were a little more in depth. Most of them said the same things, but I figured if it didn't stick the first time around maybe the repetition would be good.

At this point we basically talk about girl stuff as things happen around us. If something interesting comes on TV, we discuss it. If a friend is using drugs, we discuss it. If a friend shows up pregnant, we discuss it. If her friends are coming out her bedroom beet red, sweating with matted hair, we discuss it. (yes, this actually happened). You get my drift. When I say 'discuss it' I don't mean lecture. I just mean general conversation... (except for the last thing, her friends are not permitted to have sex in our house.)

We have a good relationship. She probably keeps some secrets, but I feel comfortable.

My daughter doesn't like bras so she doesn't wear them. I offered her one at the age of 13. She wore it for exactly one day, said it was uncomfortable and never wore one again. I would say at this point she would be a C-Cup if she wore one.

[UnschoolnMa]

I would just approach things slowly and casually. The single most important thing to do is make sure that she knows you are available to talk to if she has any questions and that you will never tease or scold her about anything she comes to you with. I don't mean to imply that you would ever do that, of course, but kids can sometimes be pretty nervous about these topics and you wouldn't want her nervousness to prevent her from coming to you. Also you might mention that if she gets any information from TV, music, or friends that she isn't too sure about you'd be happy to be a trusted fact checking resource.

If she understands a bit about puberty and physical development it might be fine for you to say that when she's feeling ready for a bra you'd be happy to do a girl's shopping trip with her.

Sometimes stuff comes up that opens a door for these conversations, and it can be helpful to run with it.

Overall I'd say it sounds like you're off to a good start.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

Overall I'd say it sounds like you're off to a good start.

Thanks!

I also wanted to say that I don't think she's really influenced by mass media; she's happy to live in her books, the only TV she watches is stuff like Animal Planet, and she listens to classical music.

[cjanelles]

When you have good communication with your kids, these "talks" aren't don't have to be scheduled or pre-planned, you know, like with an outline of what to cover during the 20-minute discussion you intend to have, followed by 10 minutes of Q & A.

It sounds to me like you already have a pretty good level of communication with your daughter. So, I don't think you have to worry too much about making sure to have "the talk," whatever that might entail. I'm betting your DH is just worried about her impending growth into a woman and he isn't sure how to deal with it. I think maybe you should ask him exactly what it is he thinks needs to be "covered" with your DD, what things he's concerned about, what information he feels is imperative that she receive, take note, make suggestions on how he could facilitate some of that communication, and then reassure him that you and your DD don't have to have a "meeting" in order to discuss the issues of growing up, that you and she talk about these sorts of thing in conversation as they come up and that you feel confident that you are covering everything as appropriately as possible and as the opportunity and/or need arises...maybe Dad's just worried about his little girl growing up, and since he can't control that, he wants to try to apply some quantitative measure such as "having the talk(s)."

Just keep on doing what you're doing, mama. That's what I think.