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Sexual vent

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
This is going to seem like a strange post but I feel like I need to say these things some where and this seems like the safest place to say it. Please know that I expect no responses or advice, but just a place to write down the things I am dealing with and feeling.

My body and brain has to be one of the most messed up bisexual thing in existence. I definitely find myself sexually desiring both sexes and yet desiring monogamy at the very same time! I had my first child in Oct. of 06 and spent from that time until now (16m) totally sexually at peace with my husband. Before that I had a short affair with a woman. Until recently I felt I could do without another woman forever. But now, I am again finding a strong desire for the company of another female. I cannot sexually enjoy my time with my husband anymore. WTF is my problem. How can I not want something and yet crave it. Sounds unbelievable, and feels very upsetting. I feel like I'm at war with my own body. I have to beg it to have sex and enjoy it. I wake up from dreams of my old girl friend haunting me in the most annoying of ways. This sucks and I wish that I could just demanding that my mind be returned, but it's obvious that it will not work.

Okay, vent done. Please feel free to ignore.

Sav
post #2 of 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by IrelandsMama View Post
This is going to seem like a strange post but I feel like I need to say these things some where and this seems like the safest place to say it. Please know that I expect no responses or advice, but just a place to write down the things I am dealing with and feeling.

My body and brain has to be one of the most messed up bisexual thing in existence. I definitely find myself sexually desiring both sexes and yet desiring monogamy at the very same time! I had my first child in Oct. of 06 and spent from that time until now (16m) totally sexually at peace with my husband. Before that I had a short affair with a woman. Until recently I felt I could do without another woman forever. But now, I am again finding a strong desire for the company of another female. I cannot sexually enjoy my time with my husband anymore. WTF is my problem. How can I not want something and yet crave it. Sounds unbelievable, and feels very upsetting. I feel like I'm at war with my own body. I have to beg it to have sex and enjoy it. I wake up from dreams of my old girl friend haunting me in the most annoying of ways. This sucks and I wish that just demanding that my mind be returned to me will not work.

Okay, vent done. Please feel free to ignore.

Sav
I suspect you'll find some friends with common thoughts and feelings in the Bi-Mamas threads. s
post #3 of 7
Would your husband mind if you had a little thing, just for fun, with a woman? Mine wouldn't. Although he'd want to hear all about it.
post #4 of 7
s mama.
post #5 of 7
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the support. It's amazing how great it feels for someone else to know whats going on with you and understand how frustrating it is. This is something that I usually only share with my husband, and I fear that I'll overwhelm him if I drag on about it. He already has to put up with my complete lack of sexual ability at this time. I feel like such a loser and can only imagine how it feels to be him, unable to please me. Sex has ended in crying the last three times.

Anyways prettypixels I don't want another on the side thing. I tried it once and it's too messy. I care deeply and don't seem able to just sleep with them. I felt major guilt and sadness during the relationship and it was such hard work to end it and get back to my family. I don't want to do that ever again. I just want to be happy with what I have. It's great and it would seem it should be sufficient. I didn't at all feel the hint of wanting a woman for so long, and now it seems instantly upon me. It's horrible, I've caught myself flirting with women two times in the past two weeks, and I'm gleaming afterwards. I'm such a disaster I don't get it....

thanks for the kind words ladies
post #6 of 7
i understand your feelings....i had a very difficult time having sex with my dds dad when i started feeling strongly attracted to women....hang in there and know many women have been in similar situations.....writing my feelings out always make me feel better too.....in my opinion,and my boifriends,flirting is a great way to let yourself have fun but still remain true to your partner....
post #7 of 7
Been there. It comes and goes. Sometimes it's very frustrating. For myself the fact remains that there are certain things that a man just can't provide. And feeling like I may be without that for a very long time is sometimes extremely frustrating.
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