My son thinks...

[Strong Mama]

He is 14 and we talk alot and he thinks smoking pot is *cool* though he said he would never do it himself, he considers that the only drug that is *cool* to do. Of course I explained how some people cant stop at just smoking pot they have to keep doing other sorts of drugs, etc. He also told me that everyone is doing *oral* instead of having sex itself as they all say its safer and easier and they consider it not sex. Some of the stuff teens think thesedays!! OMG!

[AlpineMama]

nak

At least you two are talking honestly! Maybe he's trying to gauge your reactions to those two. I've heard the oral "not being sex" excuse before and it doesn't really make sense to me! As for the drugs thing, what are your own views on the topic?

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by Transitions

He is 14 and we talk alot and he thinks smoking pot is *cool* though he said he would never do it himself, he considers that the only drug that is *cool* to do. Of course I explained how some people cant stop at just smoking pot they have to keep doing other sorts of drugs, etc. He also told me that everyone is doing *oral* instead of having sex itself as they all say its safer and easier and they consider it not sex. Some of the stuff teens think thesedays!! OMG!

Does he also talk to you about his friendships, education level and academics? I'd be worried if he were too absorbed in talking about drugs and sex. If he talks about "everything" with you in general then I wouldn't be too worried. But at his age his education is most important. He has his whole life to worry about sex and other things.

[EnviroBecca]

I think it's great that he is telling you these things and that you should encourage him to be open with you by asking questions to learn more about his perceptions, like, "What is it about pot that is 'cool'?" or "Do YOU think oral sex is not really sex?" Tell him your own values and information too (like, oral sex can't cause pregnancy, but it is possible to pass diseases that way, and emotionally it can be a powerful experience) but make sure to listen as well as talking.

Mommy68 wrote:

But at his age his education is most important. He has his whole life to worry about sex and other things.

Were you never a teenager? They are capable of thinking about many different things! Yes, if a kid talks constantly about sex and drugs, avoiding all other topics, and is sliding in his schoolwork, then there's cause for concern, but Transitions didn't say anything like that. When a topic is "new" to you, as sex and drugs are to teens, you need to think about it to some extent to work out your own beliefs BEFORE you need to put them into action. I consider this part of his "education"--although he does still need to do his math homework and all that--and I think it's important NOT to push aside these issues as things he shouldn't even think about until later, because "later" quickly turns into "too late"!

[JamieCatheryn]

I really wouldn't go the gateway drug direction about pot, a lot of people really do smoke pot and not get addicted to hard drugs. But it's not cool. they usually get stoned and sit around doing nothing bcause they're too high to do anything that really is cool.

[paquerette]

Yeah, the gateway thing has never been proven and it's really not very logical when you break it down. People who have a little pot now and then are no better or worse off than anyone else, imo. But people who get baked multiple times a week... yikes. After a while there's like nothing left of their minds. It's very sad.

[laohaire]

I'm not the mother of a teenager.

But maybe you will want to explore what he thinks "cool" means? So he can sort that out for himself?

I mean, I read that he thinks smoking is cool though other drugs aren't, and my initial reaction is to wonder what he means by cool. Does it mean that he admires people who smoke (but not potheads)? And if so - can he explore exactly WHY? And also after he has labelled something as cool, does he have a desire to imitate that himself?

Maybe a discussion like that where he examines his feelings on that might either lead him to change his mind (I hope, anyway...) or at least have both of you more consciously understanding what he's thinking. He may also be able to identify a fallacy in his emotional thinking, and even if he still on a gut level looks at smoking and thinks "cool" he may also be able to then edit that feeling on an intellectual level ("yeah, I realized I just think it's cool because CelebrityX smokes and I like everything else about CelebrityX but I know that not everything CelebrityX does has to be cool").

[hipumpkins]

Do you know any real burn outs? (do people still use that term?) anyway..Growing up I knew a few really hard core spot smokers and they were so "forgetful" and kind of annoying. They didn't look like the cool kids..they looked dumb. So I never thought of it as cool.

[terrordactyl]

Originally Posted by JamieCatheryn

I really wouldn't go the gateway drug direction about pot, a lot of people really do smoke pot and not get addicted to hard drugs.

:
pot is one of the least gateway drugs cigarettes are more of a gateway drug

[ziggy]

*sigh*

I'm going through a lot of the same with my little sister. It's tough. She's also 14.