pressure to circumcise

[lindi dfw]

I am pregnant and don't even know yet if its a boy or girl, but I don't plan to circumcise.
My question is, for those of you with boys, has anyone (relatives, friends, doctors, etc) pressured you to have your baby circumcised?
I told one of my women friends and she had a very disgusted reaction when I told her I wasn't planning to circumcise. I did not care for this at all.:

[veganf]

We really didn't discuss it with anyone except our midwife. No one ever mentioned it to us. I guess we were lucky.
Sorry you're encountering negative comments already!

[Fi.]

Welcome to the next 5 years. My son is 3 and we're still taking flak for it. I'm guessing it stops around school age when he's no longer a "baby" but a "real" person.

[00646]

there are just so many rude people out there. Most of these people do not understand what the foreskin is, and do not even know what circumcsion intales. I wouldn't talk about it with anyone out side the midwife. Its really non of anyone's biz. And if infact it is a boy you can tell him what his foreskin is fore, what circumcision is, why people do it, and why you decided to keep him whole.

good luck!

[thixle]

"My son's penis is not an appropriate topic for conversation."

[jocelyndale]

Nobody dared mention it to me, probably because I would go on frequent rants about willy whacking and cruelty and genital integrity. I think everyone was scared of me.

[lindi dfw]

Originally Posted by thixle

"My son's penis is not an appropriate topic for conversation."

I agree, its none of anyone's business. But the problem is, many people think it is their business. So how do you tell them politely that its none of their concern.

[luckymamato2]

I don't recall discussing it with anyone until our son came home because we were expecting through adoption. Everyone just wanted us to bring home a healthy baby. When we finally came home, my mom and MIL came to visit often. We got into the circ discussion often for at least the first 6 weeks. I will never forget the arguments my SIL and MIL had. Especially my MIL - she said she would never want to be with anyone who wasn't circ'd - like it was dirty. I was really offended but also just felt sorry for her. My dh was quick to shut them up after we'd heard it several times. He is not quite anti-circ, but if someone asks his opinion, he talks about the American Academy of Pediatrics' stand on circ - that is isn't medically necessary and considered cosmetic. We are lucky that our ds is intact - his birthmom wanted it done out of ignorance, but the ped wanted cash for the procedure since medicaid did not cover it We didn't want to shell out the cash and said we'd look into having it done at home with our own ped, and then didn't.

I think people will ask every time you're pg or otherwise expecting a baby. For our family, I guess they think we'll all of a sudden change our minds based on something they say.

[nichole]

Don't mention it to anyone! Who cares what they think!

MIL and FIL whined about it, but we let them know that it is pretty common now to skip it. Now that he is older, they haven't said much. They don't care anymore, but I know I would still regret it to this day.

[philomom]

My mil was very angry that we didn't do our son... but they are Jewish.

[RachelSerena]

I think it is important to word your statement in a wat that makes an intact penis normal, KWIM?

Instead of "I'm not planning to circumcise", you could say "Any son I have will be intact" or something similar.

Besides, it's not anyone's business except your's and your partner's. A simple "It's not up for discussion" is very effective - if they continue to try to engage the conversation, it's quite obvious who's being an @ss.

[00646]

[QUOTE=luckymamato2;10838735] his birthmom wanted it done out of ignoranceQUOTE]

My husband we left intact as his birth mother's reqest so it can go both ways. I was suprised that is adoptive parents fallowed her wishes. but then again he had alot of health problems. But they're well off so they could have paid for it if insurance didn't cover it.

I'm luck he's birth mammy was so admit about leaving him intact.

[Red Sonja]

Originally Posted by jocelyndale

Nobody dared mention it to me, probably because I would go on frequent rants about willy whacking and cruelty and genital integrity. I think everyone was scared of me.

I pre-empted the discussion by doing this in a mass email while I was still pregnant with DS (pregnant mama hormones and all that). It included things like breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and my opinion of anyone who thought I should have my son's penis chopped up. Nobody said a word after that.

Well, actually my step-father mentioned something to my mother about it when he found out, he was so very happy that we weren't doing that to DS because he thought it was barbaric. The one thing that he and I have ever agreed on! My ILs have only seen DS 2-3 times and never changed his diaper, so the subject never came up.

[nd_deadhead]

Someone asks "Are you going to circumcise your son?" You can say "I'm hoping and praying that my baby will be born perfectly normal and healthy, and won't require any surgery at all when he's born."

If they still urge you to circumcise you can say "I appreciate your concern for my son's penis, even though I think it's weird. I'll certainly keep your advice in mind", and change the subject.

[acannon]

My mom and her friend laughed at me when I said that I wasn't circing. She asked me so I didn't bring it up. She said that he would get made fun of and no girl would want to be with him. I forget what I said, though, but she didn't bring it up again and I'm not talking to her (not just for this reason). Other people would ask me and I'd tell them I wasn't doing circumcision and they didn't press the issue. They'd just say, "Oh," and change the subject. No other family members have asked me about it.

[LavenderMae]

No one has said anything negative about my sons being intact. Most people I know personally are also against genital cutting. Although it would be very easy for me to explain why we didn't do something as sick as cutting off parts of our children's genitalia.

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by lindi dfw

I am pregnant and don't even know yet if its a boy or girl, but I don't plan to circumcise.
My question is, for those of you with boys, has anyone (relatives, friends, doctors, etc) pressured you to have your baby circumcised?
I told one of my women friends and she had a very disgusted reaction when I told her I wasn't planning to circumcise. I did not care for this at all.:

Well, perhaps if your up to it, it could be an opportunity to teach? Find out why they think the way they do and counter with the facts. Ask why is this only done in the US? This is something they may not know. Perhaps it will make them think.

I know it is irritating because if the table is flipped and you started badgering them for 'mutilating' their sons the first thing that comes out of their mouths is 'parental choice' BS. Plus keep in mind that if they already have a circumcised son they are more likely to try and lean on you about it because by not doing it you are implying they did something wrong that they can never take back.

[Astoria]

I don't recall telling anyone. Why would I? It seems immensely private and I don't think my sons, who are now 5 and 7, would appreciate feeling like their penises had been the subject of anyone's conversation.

No one really changed my boys' diapers except for my mother, and she never commented. I did let her know not to bother them or retract them, but she wouldn't anyway, there's no reason to really mess with the penis while changing a diaper. I don't think my inlaws actually know this about my sons and certainly no one else does.

If it came up, like if other people brought it up, I just asked them what they did and was noncommittal. Smiling and nodding at their opinions and then saying, during the pregnancy, "we are researching it" or after the births "that's private." But really it almost never came up. My dh's aunt gave me a rant once on how dirty not circ'ing is, but again, she didn't know that was our choice and I just smiled at her and said, "is that your feeling? you think boys are less able to keep their bodies clean than girls?" (she said YES!) and I said, "hmm, interesting thought."

I have talked openly about it with very close friends who are pregnant, if it comes up. Just a brief, "we chose not to do that" and follow-up if asked "why." Only because I want others to understand that its a possibility to not circ and that they have friends who have made the choice. But I don't push, because I think that has an opposite affect on people and, again, because my sons' bodies are private.

When I read the topic "pressure to circ" I thought immediately, by who? Other than the baby's other parent, I can't imagine who would know or have a right to know, unless you asked for their opinion.

[silverspook]

Originally Posted by lindi dfw

My question is, for those of you with boys, has anyone (relatives, friends, doctors, etc) pressured you to have your baby circumcised?

Absolutely.

NO ONE who asked us about it had a positive response when we told them 'no circ'. Most of them tried to talk us out of it (into it?). It was very exhausting to repeat that we weren't changing our minds over and over to very persistent family & friends, but it was well worth it.

[Bm31]

I think other people who stick their nose in this just want to make sure there are other mindless sheep in the flock with them.