Doctor retracted sons-and other ??'s

[acystay]

I've been thinking on this for a couple weeks now. My 2 sons went to the doctor. We basically started going to this GP b/c dh wants a doctor close to home and not Dr. Sears' office which is an hour away.

Anyhow, before I could even realize it b/c dd (6 yrs was there too) and this is after waiting for 45 mins in the waiting area and another 20 in the exam room ds1 is put up on the table and low and behold pants are down soon after and he retracts the foreskin. DS1 is 4. I was also more involved keeping ds2 from getting into everything and hurting himself. I wasn't quite sure what to say at the time. So much had happened that week to us already my mind was kinda in a blur. Then ds2 comes up for exam. He's 2 3/4. Dr. does the same with him. DS is potty learning so no diapers. I asked only do they retract and he said yes. I'm kicking myself asking that question! I just was surprised he did it and didn't know what to say. I hate moments like that. I've never had to encounter this b/c we've seen the Sears' since the boys were born and ds2 only has been there 2X.

Now I'm noticing that ds1 is holding himself a lot more than usual. It's not a pee thing either b/c I ask him if he does need to go. Should I bring it up with him and ask what he thought? I feel like we need to at least address it with the boys.

Another thing I've lacked in teaching my boys is about how to clean. To be honest, I'm kinda a squimish on anything related to sex. Past abuse issues. I feel akward at times talking to them about their penises only because I don't want them to ever feel weird around me, YK? Dh isn't intact so he can't even show them what they should do to clean it. So my other ? is how do you discuss self retraction and cleaning? I do tell them to clean their penis or boy parts. DS2 is so cute--he calls it his psss. Also, we do family showers here. Me, dd, ds1, and ds2 all pile in at various times. Naked bodies aren't an issue here. The dr. made me feel a little odd b/c dd was hanging around and he kinda pushed her to the other side of the room. the shadowing doctor blocked her view from everything. To be honest, she wouldn't have thought anything odd about seeing their penises b/c she seems them every day. But having that incident happen made me kinda feel we are doing something wrong by all our naked lovelyness here. And isn't that odd coming from background I know! I just always wanted my children to not feel awkard about their bodies. I feel at least here at MDC I can voice that and not feel an outsider

[Frankly Speaking]

Stacy, unless you see physical symptoms such as redness or swelling, there is probably no problem. It is normal for boys to manipulate their penis. He may still be in some discomfort but usually a single retraction does not have long term effects.

Cleaning inside the preputial space is not absolutely necessary in young boys any more than cleaning a young girl's vagina is necessary. When your son reaches puberty and nears sexual activity, he will figure out that he needs to retract and rinse.

Prepubescent children do not have a sense of modesty unless it is taught to them. At nudist resorts, these children play in the nude all day long and have no problem much as children in indigenous cultures rarely wear clothes. These children grow up to be entirely normal adults. However, commonly at somewhere between the ages of 8 and 10 years old, they do develop a sense of modesty and even those who have grown up playing nude decide they want to be covered. This seems to just be the normal order of things. If those people in indigenous cultures are not doing anything wrong, neither are you. It may be different from the perspective of our culture but it is not an absolute wrong. This is the way things have been done for eons.



Frank

[acystay]

Thank you Frank! I always learn so much from your replies. I don't know why I ever doubted my relationship with my children. They never seem to mind and we discuss our differences openly. It was just the feeling that I got and having past abuse issues made me kinda uncomfortable. I just ultra sensitive to that. I've always wanted my children not to have a problem with their bodies and to know the REAL names for their body parts.

[Night_Nurse]

Stacy, if you're saying the new pedi did retract both of the boys, I'd find a new pedi (or at least tell him you don't allow that and why - and have some info printed off to give him next time you're in there). I'm sorry you had such a bad experience and I hope your little one is doing okay.

[Frankly Speaking]

Originally Posted by acystay

Thank you Frank! I always learn so much from your replies. I don't know why I ever doubted my relationship with my children. They never seem to mind and we discuss our differences openly. It was just the feeling that I got and having past abuse issues made me kinda uncomfortable. I just ultra sensitive to that. I've always wanted my children not to have a problem with their bodies and to know the REAL names for their body parts.

It is entirely normal that your negative experiences would affect you but it is also important that we not transfer our phobias to our children. We just need to realize what is normal and what is not. What is normal in the home can be quite different than what is normal in public. I came from a very repressive era and it was considered quite inappropriate to discuss anything that had any connection to sexuality or genitals even in the privacy of the home. I have had partners who showed the results of this and I don't believe it was good. There was a high level of repression that I felt affected our intimate relationships. However, it is important to teach children how to integrate into the social context. ("No, you can not be nekkid in the grocery store!")

In indigenous cultures, boys and girls play together every day completely nude up until near the time of natural modesty. I actually think this takes away the mystery and sexual compulsions that affect our society. These children see the opposite sex'es genitalia and see the difference and just take it at face value. I don't think they think of it sexually in any way and I think that is a mentally healthy way to grow up. I can see that it could eliminate many of the problems we more modest cultures suffer.



Frank