Calling all April IVFs! - Page 9

[hope4light]

Originally Posted by goblue

Hope4light, I was hoping you'd write with an update. I'm sorry you are so stressed out (although I'm right there with ya!). Did the Dr. say you were at risk for OHSS again? Your E2 level doesn't seem that high, consider the number of follies you are growing. Do you know what size your follies are at?

I finally got my bloodwork back and my E2 is at 2498 which sounds scary high but the nurse said it was fine (I have 29 follies SHEESH....and the majority are size 13-16). She did cut my meds down, so just 5 units lupron and 1 vial of Menopur. Back tomorrow for a checkup. Like you, I'm still freaked out about a cancelled cycle. It will be so hard to get over a cancelled cycle twice in a row. I will update tomorrow as soon as I have more info. Stay strong.

Well, I got the call about 3:00 today, I had my LH surge to about 13, so I'm ovulating... so of course, that means another cancelled cycle. I left work right after they called, called dh, and he came home and met me while I just got it all out of my system. I'm pretty down right now. I know that there isn't anything they can do about it, my body's ovulating and the eggs aren't quite mature yet. They said they think it might be because of my high e2 levels....

Either way, they got a new RE in the office, and they're going to talk about my case in a few weeks, and then the office will let me know where I can go from there. So, I guess this is another crappy milestone in this crappy road we all call IF....

goblue - I'm hoping so badly that yours goes better than mine....

[Seedlings]

Hope4light - oh, honey I am so sorry. Man that is just really sh*tty. Praying your doctors can give you some answers when they review your treatment. Amen to your dh for meeting you and going thru the pain with you.

Goblue - praying you get some better news tomorrow.

[crazyrunningmama]

Originally Posted by hope4light

Why can't I even get a cycle out? my nerves are wrecked... I'm uncomfortable as can be, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and give up.... to top it off I'm at work.... dh keeps reminding me not to be negative, so that it doesn't become a self fulfilling prophecy, but how do you do that when everything feels like it is coming crashing down on you? Last time my cycle was cancelled 2 days before ER.... sounds like it may be the same this time around and I just don't know how I'll handle that.....

Don't worry about blaming yourself for feeling bad - it's HARD and you are going through a lot. Go ahead and curl into a ball if that's what you need to do right now. And book off sick if you can!

[soulshine]

hope,
i am so so sorry. that is the worst possible thing, and now twice. you must be totally broken hearted. *giant hug* *lots of tears* for you.
how incredibly frustrating. what the f? clearly you have a body that wants to cooperate, its seems like the timing is being missed. were you on an antegon? i thought it was going to start yesterday or today. hope, on my cycle, my antegon started on stim-day 2. i cannot understand why they let you go to day 7-8 without starting you on yours. i am so sorry.
when our cycle got cancelled, i felt so bad, and recently my husband commented that it felt that bad because the 'chance was being taken away from us'. it was like we couldn't even do the one thing that was supposed to help us get pregnant, and i felt so lost and doomed and hopeless. i felt like my body was sabbotaging me. hope, i am really feeling for you now. and it took me a full 2 weeks to stop feeling so sad/bad/and especially mad. i encourage you to go through and feel every feeling you need to feel and let it all come to the surface. you have every right to feel miserable for a long while... in fact there isn't an acceptable time limit, so honor your feelings and let them be. for me, that was the only way to 'move away' from that terrible feeling of hopelessness. the sad and angry feelings gradually gave way to the fresh feelings of empowerment and excitement to try again. i was able to see all of the 'positives' of my cancelled cycle and my predicament in general, and in my opinion, you have many of those same positives... the biggest one being that your body wants very strongly to ovulate, and that is no shabby thing. the key for me was to use my mind to try to influence my body to go along with the 'plan', to be patient and allow the ivf process to work. this may sound silly, but well, i see a therapist, and she suggested having an actual conversation with my subconscious, being careful to point out that i had a plan, and i wanted my subconscious to help my body listen to the plan, and to cooperate and move in harmony and unison with the meds and the timing of the ivf process. and to be gentle with myself, on every level, conscious and otherwise. i did that through my whole last cycle. i just wanted to share with you something crucial that i did differently this one time, and maybe the next time for you it could be of help to you... but now isn't the time to worry about any of that, now is the time to feel sad and angry at what just happened for you and your husband. its a huge loss. i will be thinking of you, hope. i am so disappointed that this happened. and one last thing... please try not to think about this idea of a 'self-fulfilling prophecy'. being worried that your worst fear is going to happen is a natural reaction, and it has no bearing on things that are clearly out of your control. i mean, staying positive is a good frame of mind, but i don't believe in the self-fulfilling prophecy thing. it shifts all the blame onto you, and you deserve no blame. you're in my thoughts today.

[hope4light]

Thank you all so much for the kind words. I remind myself that this is just like any other grieving process, and when I get through it things will look better. After the first cancellation it took me a few weeks, and then I could see the silver lining (not getting really sick being so good!!). This time around I look at it and recognize that it's probably going to be a little more difficult. I agree, it's like you aren't even getting the chance to try and see if our little guys will do what they're supposed too, and that makes it really hard for me, I just want to scream at my body to stop overachieving and give them a stupid chance!!

I talked to dh off and on about seeing someone, but then you get in one of the OK points and think all is good and don't go through with it. I am hoping to find someone that specializes in IF and start going soon. DH has been so great, I can't even tell you how lucky I am. He was pretty upset too, so it was great to be able to share in what could have been but never got the chance together.

On the Antegon, they said they couldn't start it until my follies were at 12, or it would most likely kill them off (especially with the low does of stims that I was on). So on Tuesday I had one at 10, and the rest were 9 or smaller. In the two days between that u/s and yesterday's, they grew to the point where I would have started the antegon had it not been for the LH surge.

Convo w/my subq, that sounds pretty interesting, I think that I may just give it a try. Thank you all again, you really hit it right on the nose for me. I know things will get better, and I know that someday I'll look back on this process and hopefully forget just how painful it was. Someday. Just not now, not today.

goblue - any updates? I'm hoping, hoping, hoping that you get good news and have ER on Monday!!

[goblue]

Hope4light, I'm so devastated to see your last post. I don't even know what to write in attempts to console you...my heart goes out to you.

Please keep writing to us...everyone is here to support you and to make sure you are okay.

[goblue]

How is everyone doing over the weekend?

Update from me, I had my retrieval on Sunday. Went smoothly but I felt like crap all day...probably because I was a little overstimulated from the trigger shot. I just got the call from the nurse, I had 20 eggs retrieved, 14 were mature (so six of them were no good off the bat). Of the 14, 12 were fertilized and the other 2 were partially fertilized (so those will likely be duds too). It’s funny to think there’s a dozen fertilized eggs being watched in a petri dish somewhere. They’ll call me tomorrow with more news on progress and when my transfer date will be.

Hope4light, still thinking of you and wishing you well.

[Kat's Mommy]

Hope4light - thinking of you.

I had to take the beta test today. I should get the results within 2 hours. I'm still bleeding heavily...

Will keep you updated.

[hope4light]

Originally Posted by goblue

How is everyone doing over the weekend?

Update from me, I had my retrieval on Sunday. Went smoothly but I felt like crap all day...probably because I was a little overstimulated from the trigger shot. I just got the call from the nurse, I had 20 eggs retrieved, 14 were mature (so six of them were no good off the bat). Of the 14, 12 were fertilized and the other 2 were partially fertilized (so those will likely be duds too). It’s funny to think there’s a dozen fertilized eggs being watched in a petri dish somewhere. They’ll call me tomorrow with more news on progress and when my transfer date will be.

Hope4light, still thinking of you and wishing you well.

: to them being sticky beans!!

Thanks, I just keep reminding myself that by the time I get to ER my cycle will be PERFECT!! (Trying to keep that positive going....!)

Kat's mommy - good luck, you're still in my thoughts and prayers, let us know!!

[Kat's Mommy]

And the result is in...

Negative. Negative. Negative.

The earliest they can book me in is for May 6. I'm supposed to discuss my next plan of action with the Dr...

It's heartbreaking...and I'm sooooo frustrated...

[hope4light]

Originally Posted by Kat's Mommy

Negative. Negative. Negative.

The earliest they can book me in is for May 6. I'm supposed to discuss my next plan of action with the Dr...

It's heartbreaking...and I'm sooooo frustrated...

Kat's Mommy, that's so devastating, I am so sorry. I wish I had more words of wisdom to share, but right now I don't because I am too busy understanding the pain. But I do have a couple of shoulders, and they are all yours.

Hang in there, we'll continue on the same train together and look forward to next cycle.....

[Seedlings]

Kat's Mommy - I am so sorry. We are all here for you.

[Seedlings]

Goblue- Sounds like your er went really well. : for your growing beans.

Hope4light - Thinking of you.

[soulshine]

kat's mommy,
i'm so sad and sorry. i was really hoping for a different ending. i hope you can give yourself the time and space you need to feel this loss, because i really think its a huge loss. i'll be thinking of you. i hope you can get a good plan of action and some peace and closure after your meeting with your r.e.

hope, how are you hanging in there? i've been thinking about you. mdc was down all weekend, how frustrating!

goblue,
that's some great news about your er and the fertilization i thought that same thing- that there were embryos forming with our dna in a special glass dish in a building across town! we actually did a drive-by inbetween er and et to 'say hi' to the embryos! i hope your transfer goes really really well.

seedlings,
ah! you must be nervous, right?! as the beta came closer and closer, i became more and more mush-like. i didn't poas until after the beta # came in. are you? how are you feeling?

and, how about everyone else? where is everyone in their cycles? its the end of april, so, have there been more retrievals? i feel kind of out of it! i lost track of where everyone is in their cycles.

we had our 3rd beta yesterday and all's well as well can be. there is an u/s scheduled for later on next week, at 7wks. hoping to get to see what's going on in there! each day i wake up and i hardly can believe what happened. i was so ready for disappointing news, and this is all such a miracle, it really is. each day. so, i can only hope that the good days start piling up and by next week, things will still be right on track.

[marly33]

hello every one !!!! sorry i have not posted in a while . I was having problems logging in. well a little up date i am 7 days post ET Im doing great no pain, no bleeding, no bloating, the only thing i have is a brownish icky discharge ( i called my nurse) and apparently it is a good thing she says it is a sign of implantation. I have my blood test on fri. i am very excited. I have home doing nothing since the retrieval just relaxing and taking it easy. well hope all of you are well for all !!

[hope4light]

Originally Posted by marly33

hello every one !!!! sorry i have not posted in a while . I was having problems logging in. well a little up date i am 7 days post ET Im doing great no pain, no bleeding, no bloating, the only thing i have is a brownish icky discharge ( i called my nurse) and apparently it is a good thing she says it is a sign of implantation. I have my blood test on fri. i am very excited. I have home doing nothing since the retrieval just relaxing and taking it easy. well hope all of you are well for all !!

here's to some sticky beans for you!! can't wait to hear the results of the beta!!!

Soulshine - I'm so happy for you!! It's always so great to hear the good outcomes when its someone that has gone through IF, keep us posted!!

I'm hanging in there. dh and I are going to take a long weekend away this weekend to just have fun, and try not to think about it for a few days. I'm really looking forward to it. Maybe some nice long baths with a glass of wine

[jempd]

I haven't posted in a while but have been lurking to see how it's going with everyone.

Kat's Mommy--I'm really, really sorry.

Goblue, Marly--Good luck and I can't find the fingers crossed smilie, but you know what I mean!

Soulshine--Congrats.

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

Hi - coming back to this after being gone for almost a week - a conference, and crazy work.

So sad to read some of the updates... I was hoping for all of us.

My ER is booked for Thursday morning, and then ET for Sunday. Looks like we'll have 9 or 10 eggs to retrieve if things go well. We're both feeling like this may be the end of the IVF road for us either way, so we're crossing our fingers so hard they hurt...

[goblue]

Kat's mommy, I am so so sorry. We are here for you.

Marly33, glad to hear things are going smoothly. Keep us posted.

Soulshine, can't believe you are at 7 weeks already. My how time does fly!!! I'm so excited for you!!! hopefully your fertile vibes will rub off on the rest of us.

jempd, welcome back! are things still good with you?

Update for me, I got the call today saying I'm good to go for a 5 day transfer, which will be Friday. The nurse didn't have any news on my embies, just said "it's status quo"...which I guess is as good as I can ask for.

[kristinc]

Hi everyone. I have been lurking here but haven't posted in a few days.

Today is day 8 of stims for me and we have 6 follies that are ready to go and they hope that 2 or some more mature with tonights last round of stims. They expect for me to do the trigger shot tomorrow night and ER on fri AM. I am a little sad that we didn't get more follies up until this point, but i guess it only takes 1 egg right? And my estrogen went from 850 yesterday only up to 895 today? I think that seems a little low. They upped my dose from 200 to 300 Follistim tonight in hopes to get a few more follies to pop up.

So sorry to hear that others go bad news. I can't even begin to know how that must feel right now. My thoughts are with you.