Hello, new here, needing to talk about PPD

[2nd1inJune]

I really don't do this alot. I found this place through a Google search on pre-partum depression. So, I am here to vent.

I am 28 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. My first will be seven in August. I am sooo miserable about this pregnancy.
I admit I lurked around here a little bit before joining and posting. Alot of women have mentioned being depressed while pregnant. Are any of you depressed because you don't want the child your pregnant with? I feel SO guilty saying that. This time around is very different then my 1st pg.
I feel no connection or bond with this child. She was very much unplanned and I hate to say, unwanted. It goes beyond indifferent. I really don't like her.
I didn't feel any of this with my 1st daughter. Is this part of pre-partum depression, or do I just really suck? (Insert extreme mommy guilt here.)

[CharlieToaster]

Hi! Welcome! Now that my son in 5 months old I can say I totally relate to where you are. I clearly remember saying to my husband before I found I was pregnant there was not #$%^&*(O way I was going to do it again!!!! I was under extreme stress after having ds1 and during my pregnancy. I had an awesome l&D and things have calmed down immensely but I just started Lexapro last week for anxiety. I know I'm not really depressed but indifferent and not really anxious but exhausted and beyond my limit. What I'm realizing is I really needed Lexapro about 3 1/2 years ago after my first son was born I feel so phenomenal on it now. Like, I thought my kids would never see the real me because I'd been lost for so long. I remember just sitting in a stuper during my last pregnancy. I would have never really thought about it at that time but looking back I was so out of it. I had gotten so used to just functioning and pretending all was well. The three weeks after my son was born was Nirvana!!! I felt better then ever. LIterally! My cycle started again 3 weeks post partum and it's been downhill since then. My hormones are all over the place. I still feel pregnant etc... I still have nausea and food and smell aversions. I kind of lost it with the receptionist at the doctors office the other day over the phone and the doctor ended up talking me into lexapro and it's made all the difference. I really like and trust my doctor but I'm so scared of side effects and being able to care for my kids so I'm reluctant to take anything. I really feel like myself again. Truly I do. I would recommend talking with your doctor. If you don't have one, find one. There are many options and you deserve to explore them. There are options you have when you are pregnant and doctors will know them and should be more then willing to help you!

Good luck!! You aren't alone!

Vic:-)

[stephanieb]

i felt the same way when pregnant with my third (daughter born 1/4/08). i can't remember one time being excited during my entire pregnancy - i felt completely disconnected with her, kind of like it wasn't even real. i really think thinking this way during my pregnancy helped nudge me into ppd. i had a very hard time feeling attached to her after she was born, but now i couldn't picture her not being here. anyway i just wanted to let you know that i relate to how you are feeling. i'm on zoloft now and am doing a lot better.

[2nd1inJune]

Thank you so much for the replies.
It really helps knowing that I'm not alone, and not just a terrible mother.