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Do you have help? - Page 2

post #21 of 31
We had a little help from my father for about a month, but after that it has been me and my husband alone. Yes, I could really use some help with cleaning and nighttime help (I am sooo sleep deprived). My husband has just started working 12 hour shifts so it is mostly me all day and mostly all night. We have no family nearby. We are still having sleeping issues (neither are great sleepers). I have become extremely short-tempered and not very motivated to do much as is reading and playing. I am really going to consider cleaning help and babysitting soon so my husband and I can get away without the babes for a little while.
post #22 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpop View Post
I have help five mornings a week.
And I have someone come and clean.
I don't really see why some people treat it as a moral issue. If I am with my kids all day but someone else is there to help me out I don't see the problem.
I mean it makes it possible for me to spend some one-on-one time with each kid and serve them healthy food made from scratch.
Maybe you can do that alone but I can't. It also makes me a much happier more fun mama and I don't see the harm in that.
As long as the people you hire agree with your parenting principles and you spend time with your kids I don't see the problem.
Of course, I understand that a lot of people can't afford it but if you can I would urge you to get all the help you feel you need.
I'm surprised you feel judged. I think it is great to be able to delegate. Only jealousy coming from me! I don't think you have to clean your own toilet(s) to be good mom.
post #23 of 31
I didn't mean to sound snippy!
I wasn't responding to anything in the thread, just the general attitude that it is somehow reprehensible to have help when you're a SAHM.
I just don't want new MoMs to feel like they have to do it alone in order to feel good about how they parent, that's all.
Sorry if it came off wrong!
post #24 of 31
I'm not sure how to answer? I WAH, we run a small business from our home and I do paperwork, so I do have a HS girl come over usually 2 afternoons a week to help watch the kids while I do paperwork. The family has 3 girls and they have been taking turns sitting/helping me since DD#1 was 6 months old. The oldest one is now in college. That said, I don't really feel like it's enough help. I could certainly use someone to help me clean. No one helps me at night (not even DH). He does get the older 2 in bed, but now he's working later so I'm doing it all usually 2 or 3 nights a week. I guess I just deal with the caos, sometimes I do get stressed out, but I somehow just deal with it. RIght now we are all 6 in a little house, about 1000sqft, and it jsut is NOT big enough. I feel like I'm tripping over everything and everything is jsut a mess. We are in the process of building a house, though, so I know the end of the unorganization is coming Sometimes I wonder how we do it. THe most stressful things on a marriage are running a small business (check), building a house (check) and having a baby (check, check... that's just with one baby, we have twins!). We must be made for each other b/c we really rarely fight
post #25 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpop View Post
I didn't mean to sound snippy!
I wasn't responding to anything in the thread, just the general attitude that it is somehow reprehensible to have help when you're a SAHM.
I just don't want new MoMs to feel like they have to do it alone in order to feel good about how they parent, that's all.
Sorry if it came off wrong!
Yikes, I really don't think anyone should try to parent in a vacuum, esp. those of us with multiples. It's healthy to have help and people to lean on, whether it's in the way of hired help, family, friends, whatever.
post #26 of 31
Very interesting thread. Thanks for starting it, and for all the various responses.

I agree that (money aside) moms should be *allowed* as much help as they want/need so they can best parent their children. I also think that the degree of help wanted/needed depends more on the personalities of the children than of the mother. For example, some babies start sleeping through the night much earlier than others. Some toddlers are more high energy than others. Et cetera.

I'll just say that having gone through an uncomfortable twin pg and now with 5 week old babies, I could not even imagine doing all this AND having several other kids to teach and guide and play with, as well as a house to care for and family to shop for and feed. (I mean, my premies aren't even allowed in a store yet!) And so many of you have done/are doing just that. Hats off to you!
post #27 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by mumm View Post
I don't, but I could use some help. A cleaning person would be great. Or some help during the 5-6 days each week my partner is traveling. I too have become a stressed out mom- short tempered, no fun, always sick, etc. I don't like it but don't know how to change it. And sadly the letters 'cio' have been talked about because the sleep deprivation is now a family safety issue.
Just wanted to say YES YES YES. Stressed out, short-tempered, no fun. I manage--no help, husband gone 14+ hours a day and lots of overnights--but I feel like a failure.
post #28 of 31
Yup! I've been thinking about it and I need a grandma who can stay home with a sleeping baby while I do school drop off/pick up. Someone who may not be able to play ball in the yard, but who can read books, play games, listen to the kids and who will solicit calmness and reason. And is physically able to get the kids out of the house in case of a fire, but who can't actually change a diaper would be fine.

Of course i'd also do well with 2 consecutive hours of sleep!
post #29 of 31
Nope, no help. Babes were in the hosptial for 2 weeks, then for the next 4 weeks either DH or my MIL where home with me. But from 6 weeks on, it's been all me.

There have been moments of complete insanity, but for the most part everything is fine. House isn't as clean as I'd like it to be, weekly cleaning service would be awesome. I've thought about having a mother's helper come in a few times a week, but I'd rather save the $$ for a family vacation I think.

My DH does have a fairly flexible job and understanding boss. He can come home early when I have appointments and Saturday is my day to get out of the house and find some sanity.
post #30 of 31
Gosh yes, I can't even imagine how much easier things would seem if I could grocery shop or drop off my oldest at preschool without dragging along everyone. All the buckling, tansferring to stroller, and back. It seems herculean to go to the store somedays! Or a shower. I'd really just like to be able to shower more often. But, I can't trust the 5 and 3 year olds to supervise the babies. Heck, I can't trust them not to harm the babies!

If I take time alone for me out of the equation, the thing I miss most is having solid one on one time with my older two children. I miss that.
post #31 of 31
I never had hired help, but my dw stayed home for 4 weeks after our twins were born (two weeks paid, two weeks unpaid), and then my sister came for a week. So I wasn't alone with the babies until they were 5 weeks old. I felt like it was totally doable by myself. My babies nursed almost all day long, so there wouldn't really have been much for anyone else to do baby-care wise, and we weren't making much of a mess just sitting on the couch nursing, lol.

If we had the money, I would absolutely hire someone to help with the housework now. I think that's probably the only way we'd have a consistently clean house. I am a SAHM, but I don't actually stay home most days. I prefer to be out and about, so I easily get behind in clothes laundry/diaper laundry/house cleaning.

Lex
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