why don't YOU leave your baby to cry? - Page 2

[basilisa76]

Research has shown that babies that are left to cry are likely to stop "asking" for things because they learn that nobody will come. So if your child is sick, scared and really needs you, wouldn't you feel awful to just leave him alone? What if something is wrong with him? Could you live with that? Knowing that you ignored him for good?


If your mother was old, lying in a bed at night and started crying and asking for you to come and you simply ignored her, EVERYBODY would say that you are neglecting her, that you are abusing her, they will call the authorities, etc.

Isn't the same thing or much worse with a tiny baby that doesn't know how to talk or express their feelings in a different way? Wasn't taking care of a baby what we signed up for?

It makes me sick to hear these people leaving their babies to cry, especially SOOOO YOUNG! (1 month!! the baby is a 4 weeks old fetus!)


Gigi

[gabysmom617]

I'd ask some one who asked me that:

Person, "why not let them cio?"

Me, "Would you like it if you couldn't talk, or maybe speak the same language of the househould you lived in, and some one left you alone in a dark room and ignored you while you tried to communicate your need for food/companionship/reassurance and these people ignored you? If not, then why should I do it to my precious sweet baby who is so innocent and new to the world?"

[MeepyCat]

Why don't I leave my kid to cry at night?

Well. Leaving aside my immense affection for my son, my goal in nighttime parenting is for my entire family to get the rest they need. Me included. I do not sleep while my son screams in his crib, nor does anyone else in my house. If we get up and take care of the baby's needs, we can all go back to sleep much more quickly.

If we don't want the bother of getting up, we can co-sleep.

[NotTheOnlyOne]

because it would break his heart. And that would break mine. I like our hearts full and whole

[McMomma]

In my past job I saw babies who were failure to thrive because they had quickly learned their cries were futile. I saw babies who were underweight because no one gave them their formula when they cried and then they became too weak to cry at all. I looked into their eyes and saw the dullness of spirit similarly brought by war, assault, and other traumas.

In my current "job" as Momma, I feed my baby with the milk God gave me. I hold him and whisper loving words in his ear... "Don't cry, baby, Momma is here." I kiss him softly as we cuddle together. I breathe in his sweet baby smell. I imagine the day when his tiny hands will be bigger than my own. I look into his eyes and see the color of my own stare back at me with a bright twinkle of love.

Why WOULD I let my baby CIO?

[D_McG]

Because it's weird. Why would you leave a baby cry? It's not like they can help themselves.

[NonasMama]

I will tell you why I tried it ONCE and will never again. One doctor at our ped group recommended it, as did sooooo many others when he was 4 months old. We didn't do it and I was firmly against it. But, our son was cosleeping so terribly (in our eyes that is), we tried having him sleep in the crib and would bring him into our bed when he awoke. One TERRIBLY exhausting night, we were desperate. I let him cry for an hour (he was 10 months old). I couldn't take it, my heart was breaking and it was definitely NOT WORKING. When I went in and got him he was so upset and I felt he didn't trust me any more. He melted into my arms when I picked him up but I could see in his tear-streaked, red face that I let him down. He slept all night with one eye open to make sure I wouldn't leave him again. He slept worse that night than any other night. I can never do that again.

[Danielle13]

Originally Posted by NonasMama

I will tell you why I tried it ONCE and will never again. One doctor at our ped group recommended it, as did sooooo many others when he was 4 months old. We didn't do it and I was firmly against it. But, our son was cosleeping so terribly (in our eyes that is), we tried having him sleep in the crib and would bring him into our bed when he awoke. One TERRIBLY exhausting night, we were desperate. I let him cry for an hour (he was 10 months old). I couldn't take it, my heart was breaking and it was definitely NOT WORKING. When I went in and got him he was so upset and I felt he didn't trust me any more. He melted into my arms when I picked him up but I could see in his tear-streaked, red face that I let him down. He slept all night with one eye open to make sure I wouldn't leave him again. He slept worse that night than any other night. I can never do that again.

That story made me cry Thank you for sharing it

[Sky]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Because it's mean.

Because I believe we're called to parent as God parents us, and Scripture assures us time and time again that the Lord answers when we call to Him. I would do no less for my helpless baby.

Exactly!, and it would break my heart and my baby's heart, he trusts us and that bond is so important!

[TinyBabyBean]

the golden rule. do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

[TinyBabyBean]

really it is because every fiber of my being will not allow me to leave a baby to cry instinctually. but, i think the golden rule is a darn good reason.

[MilkTrance]

Originally Posted by NonasMama

I will tell you why I tried it ONCE and will never again. One doctor at our ped group recommended it, as did sooooo many others when he was 4 months old. We didn't do it and I was firmly against it. But, our son was cosleeping so terribly (in our eyes that is), we tried having him sleep in the crib and would bring him into our bed when he awoke. One TERRIBLY exhausting night, we were desperate. I let him cry for an hour (he was 10 months old). I couldn't take it, my heart was breaking and it was definitely NOT WORKING. When I went in and got him he was so upset and I felt he didn't trust me any more. He melted into my arms when I picked him up but I could see in his tear-streaked, red face that I let him down. He slept all night with one eye open to make sure I wouldn't leave him again. He slept worse that night than any other night. I can never do that again.

that must have been so hard

[stickywicket67]

Originally Posted by alegna

In no particular order:

why on earth WOULD I?
because it's my job to take care of her
biology makes it highly uncomfortable
I don't believe in child abuse/neglect
because it's an awful thing to do
when I decided to reproduce, taking care of a baby was part of the deal
it's not an acceptable choice.

-Angela

i totally agree.
why do random people feel this is ok to suggest??
seriously, of all suggestions this one just blows my mind. it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and is completely unhelpful and stupid talk. if anyone ever suggested it to me i'd look at them like they had two heads.

[momma_c]

Originally Posted by futuremamaheather

"Because my doctor told me that's a bad idea"
(so what if the doctor in question is Dr. Sears and you've never actually talked to him... IMO, if you've read his books, you can still claim him )

That ended the conversation with my step-mother, right quick!

Our pediatrician did tell us this as well, as if we needed to be told, but it seems some parents do.
But I agree, if your actual pediatrician isnt in agreement go with Dr. Sears!

[FREEmom1120]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Because I believe we're called to parent as God parents us, and Scripture assures us time and time again that the Lord answers when we call to Him. I would do no less for my helpless baby.

That's so great. Makes me feel like this: No one has suggested CIO to me (probably because dd is such a great sleeper), but if it happens I'll use that.

[_betsy_]

"What is 'it' the baby needs to cry out? As a parent, it's my job to fill her needs. I try to meet my baby's needs, not ignore her. If she needs to be held, needs to eat, needs to be reassured she's not alone, needs to be comforted, or whatever, that's my job. No one said this parenting thing would be easy!"

[Lily Eve]

Originally Posted by _betsy_

"What is 'it' the baby needs to cry out? As a parent, it's my job to fill her needs. I try to meet my baby's needs, not ignore her. If she needs to be held, needs to eat, needs to be reassured she's not alone, needs to be comforted, or whatever, that's my job. No one said this parenting thing would be easy!"

[Devaya]

i love all these answers...i'll have to try some more of them with DP (yep, its not strangers thats the problem), who let DS cry when i went out the other night even tho I'd expressly said we are not doing that (after numerous discussions). He just doesnt get it, and i think if the father of a child doesn't get it, how are people who dont even care about the child specifically, going to get it? I have compiled a word document of all the evidence i could find on the net against it, and said until you read that, you cannot claim to me that CIO is okay....But i cant control what he does when i'm not there (which isnt very often luckily). Anyway this is prob a thought more suitable to the 'parents as partners' forum, but i just had to put my two cents in.

in my opinion our culture encourages convenience parenting. A baby doesn't seem to be regarded as a real person and that makes me very sad. i like the points that u wouldnt leave an adult such as your partner or mother, crying without responding. i have worked with learning disabled people and we would never leave them in distress (unless it ws for a short period to cool off from an aggressive outburst), similarly, a baby (and toddler) is completely dependent on you, so why would you do that??

[puddle]

Why don't I leave dd to CIO?

Because I love her. Because it's unnatural. Because for me to physically and emotionally survive the experience, I would have to kill a part of myself so that I could detach myself from her. Because it is my job as her mother to teach her so much--and mistrust, fear, anxiety and pain are not at the top of the list for me. Because babies aren't supposed to be independent--they're BABIES! Because there's nothing wrong with babying a baby. Because it's my job to protect her and I can't do that if I'm neglecting her. Because I don't want my dd to "turn out fine"--I want her to thrive and be everything she was meant to be. Because I don't want to have to look her in the eye when she's grown and tell her that I abandoned her when she was at her most helpless. Because I don't want her to think she needs to do that to her children someday. Because I don't want to! Because I value her as a person. Because I see no benefits whatsoever to doing it. Because it's wrong and sick and evil. Because it isn't best for our family. Because if she slept through the night my boobs would explode.

[Mrsboyko]

Originally Posted by NonasMama

I will tell you why I tried it ONCE and will never again. One doctor at our ped group recommended it, as did sooooo many others when he was 4 months old. We didn't do it and I was firmly against it. But, our son was cosleeping so terribly (in our eyes that is), we tried having him sleep in the crib and would bring him into our bed when he awoke. One TERRIBLY exhausting night, we were desperate. I let him cry for an hour (he was 10 months old). I couldn't take it, my heart was breaking and it was definitely NOT WORKING. When I went in and got him he was so upset and I felt he didn't trust me any more. He melted into my arms when I picked him up but I could see in his tear-streaked, red face that I let him down. He slept all night with one eye open to make sure I wouldn't leave him again. He slept worse that night than any other night. I can never do that again.

That exactly. We tried it out of sheer exhaustion one night. Not even a plan really, it just happened because i was to fried out to deal and DH was no help. She refused to go near her crib for a solid month after that night. I will never do it again. I don't understand how people can make a plan to CIO. It is like premeditated torture. If my DD is awake and screaming, it is usually because she is in pain. I try everything I can to calm her, but there are times (like recently during this teething hell we are in) where nothing helps, so I just hold her as she sobs. Still breaks my heart, but at least I (and more importantly she) know i am trying to help her.

Why don't I CIO?

Because it is wrong. It breaks her heart and doesn't work. If it really worked, there would be no "Oh, we went on vacation and now we have to CIO again" or "she was sick so now we have to CIO again". You can not train a child like a dog. They are human.