Sharing that you are TV-Free Without Seeming that you are Judging.

[LittleYellow]

So anytime I tell someone new that we are TV-Free (and only because it happens to come up), I feel like I'm putting myself on this moral high-horse.

For example; at Barnes and Nobel dd's were playing with Diego and Dora on the train table. They don't know who Diego and Dora ARE, and were just playing with them as whoever dd's wanted them to be. Other mom says to me "Oh - so your dd's like Dora and Diego." and there is that moment......

I suppose I could say 'yes' because they are playing with them right there. But I guess I've always gone with "They don't know who they are." which of course lead down the TV-Free road.

Or even just moms chatting will ask "so what do your dd's like to watch?" and there I am again.

So what do you do when talking to others and being TV-free comes up.

[Arwyn]

I just say "We don't do TV". In your Dora example I'd probably say something like "They like playing with dolls." It hasn't really come up yet, though, since Naked Baby is "only" (already! ) one.

But in general, it's "we don't do TV".

[mariamaroo]

I have this problem too. I don't want to seem holier-than-thou, and I really don't judge people who do watch tv (much). Well, maybe I do judge people who let their small children watch it. But I understand making different choices from me and don't want to alienate anyone.

Anyway, I too feel uncomfortable when this moment arises. The other thing that I have trouble with is accepting invitations to people's houses because so often it ends up being a tv-watching experience, especially if adults are trying to chat or whatever: "Let's put a video on for the kids". I have no idea how to handle that situation. Let's face it, I too would love some grownup visiting time, and I don't want to make dd feel excluded, or our hosts feel uncomfortable, or be the catalyst for tantrums or social awkwardness.

I feel sometimes like I have to choose between having social interactions and upholding my values.

[Hannahsmummy]

I don't mean to sound like I am on my high horse with this post LOL! But, I don't feel uncomfortable at all about saying we are TV free. I don't judge other people's choices when it comes to TV for their kids and I hope they don't judge me.

If someone asks about it, which rarely happens, I just say "Hannah doesn't watch TV". It's not a statement against anyone else, it's just a fact of our life.
Why should I censor something like that? If someone feels bad about my neutral statement about what my daughter does, that's their issue/guilt. not mine!

As for social situations, I am lucky that this hasn't arisen. I've posted this before but I really don't get it. I do not understand how the kids would fit TV viewing into their visit. I mean when we visit friends, the kids are too busy doing loads of other things to actually have time to sit down and watch TV.

We do have one friend who's kids watch TV and they know that it's not something that we do so there is no issue with having it off when we are around. We appreciate them and they respect our choices. I can't see having much of a friendship with someone who doesn't respect your choices.

[smeisnotapirate]

I don't have a baby (yet , but DH and I don't watch TV. Whenever anyone asks, and I'm surprised at how often it happens, I just say "oh, we don't have time for TV usually." It takes the pressure off the moral "we don't DO TV" and puts it on the real issue - that there's so much more important stuff to do. I've never gotten a bad reaction from it, and maybe in your situation you can adapt it to "they probably have no idea who Dora and Diego are - I think they just like the idea of playing with dolls!"

Maybe this would work?

[loraxc]

Yeah, I find this one hard too. I usually say "We don't really watch much TV" (true of DH and me, but of course DD doesn't watch ANY) if something like "Does she like X show?" comes up. I have been in the occasional situation where a video gets put on at a play date (and recently this has been happening at BIRTHDAY PARTIES, for pete's sake) and it's very awkward. I have just let DD watch, rather than asking it to be turned off. Fortunately she usually isn't very interested.

If it does come up such that I can't avoid revealing that DD is TV-free, man, people get so uncomfortable. It's like a terrible social taboo. Either they think you're nuts or they trip over themselves justifying TV use for their kids.

[cancat]

Originally Posted by loraxc

Yeah, I find this one hard too. I usually say "We don't really watch much TV" (true of DH and me, but of course DD doesn't watch ANY) if something like "Does she like X show?" comes up. I have been in the occasional situation where a video gets put on at a play date (and recently this has been happening at BIRTHDAY PARTIES, for pete's sake) and it's very awkward. I have just let DD watch, rather than asking it to be turned off. Fortunately she usually isn't very interested.

If it does come up such that I can't avoid revealing that DD is TV-free, man, people get so uncomfortable. It's like a terrible social taboo. Either they think you're nuts or they trip over themselves justifying TV use for their kids.

I could have written this exact post...

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by loraxc

If it does come up such that I can't avoid revealing that DD is TV-free, man, people get so uncomfortable. It's like a terrible social taboo. Either they think you're nuts or they trip over themselves justifying TV use for their kids.

You know, I get that a lot about anything my DH and I decide that isn't "mainstream." Why is that???

[2+twins]

Like most things in my life, I don't seem to have a problem letting people know that we're different. I guess I feel like maybe I'm opening a door for them. Really, most people have probably never given being tv-free a second (or first) thought. I've been in situations like you described many times and I just say something like, "Oh, we don't watch tv so she doesn't know who that is". I don't know if a single person (like a stranger) has asked me why or anything like that upon hearing that though. People *do* get defensive about these things though but (and not to sound caddy) that's really *their* issue, not mine, so I'm not going to hide my lifestyle to ease the guilt they might feel.

[Arwyn]

What's with that?? The tripping over themselves to defend/explain/whatever. I get it with EC a lot too (usually "Oh I thought about that but I'm too lazy." dude, I'm the freaking queen of laze, that has nothing to do with EC).

I'm fortunate to have a large circle of very AP friends, so most kids aren't glued to the set for hours and hours a day, but no matter how much or little their kids watch, people explain/justify it. Especially "Oh, I said no TV for her until 2, but then she got sick/I got sick/I got pregnant/whatever". Um... okay. That's nice? I dunno, it's just kind of one of those conversation enders, because I don't know how to respond other than "oh".

[cravenab00]

its sad, but people ask me "so what do you do all day then?" as if there is nothing to do other than the tube
and i also get "jeez how can you stand it?"
and we arent completely TV free, the kids can watch on saturday morning only, and it's only things that have been TIVO'ed, so i can skip commercials.
its was a compromise with DH.

it drives me nuts how people think we are insane. Its just a freakin box!

[HappyFox05]

I just say "we don't watch much tv", and not snarkily or w/an attitude. (We're not totally tv-free - we watch the Food Network and sports and Mythbusters. I guess we're tv-lite.) I like what Hannahsmummy said, that "we don't watch much tv" is just a fact of life, not a judgement on someone else. If ppl choose to take it some other way, that's due to issues they have w/themselves.

[zinemama]

I just say "We don't have a TV" and leave it at that. If someone wants to discuss it, I'm happy to, but I don't elaborate.

[NYCVeg]

I also say, "We don't watch TV." Honestly, if people feel like I'm judging them...I think that's more about me, then them. (In the same way that when I say, "I'm a vegetarian," I often get responses about how the person doesn't really eat a LOT of meat.)

I think it's good for the TV-free to "out" themselves, at the very least so that it creates a cultural awareness that there is an alternative (in the same way I was upfront about the fact that I EBF or that dd didn't get bottles).

Dd was at a birthday party, and there was a "pin the nose on Elmo" game. The mom kept insisting, "Put the nose on Elmo! Put the nose on Elmo!" and finally I had to say, "She doesn't know who Elmo is."

[boatbaby]

Originally Posted by 2+twins

Like most things in my life, I don't seem to have a problem letting people know that we're different. I guess I feel like maybe I'm opening a door for them. Really, most people have probably never given being tv-free a second (or first) thought. I've been in situations like you described many times and I just say something like, "Oh, we don't watch tv so she doesn't know who that is". I don't know if a single person (like a stranger) has asked me why or anything like that upon hearing that though. People *do* get defensive about these things though but (and not to sound caddy) that's really *their* issue, not mine, so I'm not going to hide my lifestyle to ease the guilt they might feel.

I totally agree, very well put!!

Originally Posted by zinemama

I just say "We don't have a TV" and leave it at that. If someone wants to discuss it, I'm happy to, but I don't elaborate.

I phrase it that way too. Saying you don't OWN one sounds more final and perhaps less judgmental than "we don't DO tv" or "we don't let him watch it" etc.

Originally Posted by NYCVeg

Dd was at a birthday party, and there was a "pin the nose on Elmo" game. The mom kept insisting, "Put the nose on Elmo! Put the nose on Elmo!" and finally I had to say, "She doesn't know who Elmo is."

I have had very similar experiences.


I often parallel being TV-free with being a vegetarian (which I am not, I am a total carnivore). But Veggies are so much more mainstream these days and I have a lot of Veggie friends. I would not get defensive if they plucked the meat off their kid's plate at my house. Or if someone were coming over I would no be offended if they said "hey we don't eat meat, so please no meaty snacks". Most people are ok with that choice.
So why should be get offended or we feel bad about saying "hey we don't watch tv, so please can we not have it on when we're over?"

[Hannahsmummy]

Originally Posted by boatbaby

I often parallel being TV-free with being a vegetarian (which I am not, I am a total carnivore). But Veggies are so much more mainstream these days and I have a lot of Veggie friends. I would not get defensive if they plucked the meat off their kid's plate at my house. Or if someone were coming over I would no be offended if they said "hey we don't eat meat, so please no meaty snacks". Most people are ok with that choice.
So why should be get offended or we feel bad about saying "hey we don't watch tv, so please can we not have it on when we're over?"

That is an excellent point!

[alexsam]

My conclusion is that it isn't about ME judging THEM or making a big deal about us being TV free or whatever, but that OTHER PEOPLE know, deep down somewhere, that TV isn't such a good thing and they don't feel great about using it and are searching for their own standing.

"Thou doth protest too much"- if you are comfortable with your choices, then someone making a different one is not a threat. I've found the people who feel the need to try to convert me to TV are usually the ones who are really arguing with themselves about the issue and are taking it out with me as a reprersentative of that oppinion.

When this becomes clear in a conversation, I just say quickly and with an honset smile "we don't have a tv... we just do other things" and then change the subject.

[Bufomander]

Originally Posted by NYCVeg

I think it's good for the TV-free to "out" themselves, at the very least so that it creates a cultural awareness that there is an alternative (in the same way I was upfront about the fact that I EBF or that dd didn't get bottles).

This makes sense to me -- sometimes I think people are stunned that "no-TV" is an option (for adults OR children)

[NYCVeg]

Originally Posted by Bufomander

This makes sense to me -- sometimes I think people are stunned that "no-TV" is an option (for adults OR children)

I know. Honestly, I think people really don't understand how you could possibly fill the time. My MIL insists (every time we see her) that she and FIL are "really not TV people". They watch 3 hours every single day. And the sad thing is that, compared to much of America, they really ARE low-TV (even though, at at least 15-20 hours a week, it's a part-time job for them!). My parents have friends who have SEVENTEEN televisions--including one in their back yard--and there is at least one, usually more, on 24 hours a day. The noise makes me want to climb the walls.

But I digress...

[beanbean]

Originally Posted by alexsam

My conclusion is that it isn't about ME judging THEM or making a big deal about us being TV free or whatever, but that OTHER PEOPLE know, deep down somewhere, that TV isn't such a good thing and they don't feel great about using it and are searching for their own standing.

"Thou doth protest too much"- if you are comfortable with your choices, then someone making a different one is not a threat. I've found the people who feel the need to try to convert me to TV are usually the ones who are really arguing with themselves about the issue and are taking it out with me as a reprersentative of that oppinion.

When this becomes clear in a conversation, I just say quickly and with an honset smile "we don't have a tv... we just do other things" and then change the subject.

You've *exactly* posted my thoughts.

I often get the same reaction when people find out we're homeschooling. For some people, suddenly the choice we've made for our family becomes a threat and they're falling all over themselves to tell me the gazillion reasons they could never homeschool. It's more like they're trying to convince themselves than me.