Piggybacking on my "kids at homebirth" post ...

[1972momma]

I really would like to have both of our younger children, who will be about 3 and 18 months, there. Unlike many of you lucky moms who in turn have great moms of your own, however, I don't have anyone family or friend-like nearby who a) I trust and b) I would want at the birth. So far it's going to be me, my husband, my widwife, our doula ... we could have one person there assigned to watch the kids, but I can't imagine who that would be as I really can't think of anyone else I'd want near me in labor. I'm stuck, ladies. Thoughts?

[srlpenny]

Have you talked to your MW/Doula about this yet? I really think they could help you brianstorm some ideas based on what you are comfortable with and what resources are available in your area.
We also have no family or close friends in the area to have come over and we will be having a doula that is solely in charge of our 4 children under 5, she has been over to play with them 3 times already in last 5 weeks, and if I don't have the baby by next week she will come again so they know her and are comfortable with her.
Good Luck!

[Ahimsa]

I am having this same problem. If I had the money I would just hire another doula, but money is tight. I might see if there is a doula in training or someone who is considering being a doula that might want to witness a birth.

[1972momma]

srlpenny, are you also hiring a doula for yourself, or just the one for the kids?

I've been advised that the one for the kids should not be interested in seeing the birth, in case the kids don't want to, which sounds good to me.

[MsBlack]

IMO, this is something you really need to work out before the birth. Could be that your birth will happen at night when the other LOs are sleeping....could be that even if awake, they'll do fine....and it could be that either they will be a real handful, OR, that you will need to transport to hospital or otherwise deal with events that are scary somehow and require all possible assistance with no one distracted by kid needs. I insist that my clients have someone either present for the kids, OR real close by (right in the neighborhood) who can be there to take over care w/in a few minutes.

Now, I have most often seen kids do great at birth, or sleep through it--and I am pretty encouraging in general of having kids of all ages witnessing birth. But it is not uncommon for toddlers to get bored and needy, and someone must be there for them. And it only took one time for a transport to occur to make me very glad that care was arranged for the toddler in advance.