We've crossed the bridge.

[Oriole]

DSD is 15 and dating. They had their first date. They haven't kissed yet, but it is coming, he told her he wants to, she told me she can't wait. They spend hours chatting on the phone and IM. Head over heels, very sweet, first love, can't-get-enough-of- each-other, pretty inocent kind of thing so far... This has been going on for couple weeks, and I'm trying to find my place in all of this...

I don't know what to think anymore, I'm just an unofficial FT stepmom who lends a listening ear when one is needed. I worry. Will he treat her right? Will she treat him right? Are they thinking about sex? What if they do? Should I support it, pretend I don't know it, or be flatly against it?

I want to trust her own wisdom, I want to believe that she doesn't need "overprotection", and will set the boundaries she is comfortable with herself, but what am I to do if she chooses the boundaries that are much different from what I value? Am I supposed to look at this with "parents are there to guide and protect", or am I supposed to believe that she can handle the real world and this is the time to let go? :

I don't want to be the parent that provides sleepover place for a boyfriend for her 15 y.o. stepdaughter. Nor do I want to be the kind of parent that knows nothing of what's going on with her kid. How does one balance all of this? My head is spinning... :


P.S. Don't even ask about what state her dad is in, I think this "growing up" thing is much harder on fathers ....

[MamaLisa1]

I think you just have to try to keep the line of communication open, and remind her of certain boundaries and what you think is right and good. My 14 year old officially has her first "real" boyfriend, and she just got her first kiss tonight. I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it yet...I hope she doesn't get too embarrassed!!!

[txdancer]

Oh.... this is a FUN time isn't it. I think the most important thing is that you still talk with her. If that is still happening than hopefully everything will be okay. I don't know if he drives yet, but if he does than she should have a way of calling you if he takes her out on a date and she ends up feeling uncomfortable.

[Arduinna]

I don't know, I think you have to figure it out for yourself. We always put the emphasis on dd not doing anything she doesn't want to do. We are sex positive. Her dad is cool with her growing up. yeah he originally fell into the ooo my dd thing at first but as soon as I told him that hey she is growing up, we raised her to know herself and speak her truth and to be respected by us and others he was fine with it. I think his initial reaction was based on what he thought society expected from dads and didn't reflect how he really felt at all.