Telling?

[erinmacey]

I wonder how others feel about telling at this point. Who will you tell? How? and When?

[hazeleyes]

Well... Let's see... We might tell family at the end of April. Not sure yet. I have this transfer to put on my son's shirt that will announce it. We might wait a couple more weeks to tell our son because it was hard on him when we had to tell him that his brother or sister died last time.

[JenInMpls]

Oh gosh. I told a lot of people, right away, mostly because the whole neighborhood has been instrumental in us getting to this point by way of babysitting my son when I went in for insems which were always at 8 AM. I knew that there were a number of people sitting on the edges of their seats.

Plus, I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to keep things to myself, whether it's joy or sorrow. If I miscarry, I want to be able to reach out to people to help me out, and I'd rather that they know that I was pregnant than for me to have to surprise them. If I'm sick as a dog like I was last time, I would rather be able to tell my friends "hey, I'm feeling horrible with morning sickness, would you take T for a few hours?" instead of them having to guess as to why I'm mooching off of them

Lastly... I've had a lot of friends say "I'll be thinking good thoughts / sending sticky vibes / praying for you" and that really lifts me up.

My partner, however, is not of the same mindset, and is waiting until at least May to tell her family and her colleagues (even longer on the colleagues I think).

[guestmama9904]

funny my husband is similarly minded as your partner, he's like lets wait and im telling the people in line next to me at the grocery store, lol.

[lillifret]

Just my partner and you guys so far. I have miscarried twice and just don't want to jinx things by saying too much. I waited till I was 5 months along with ds to tell my mom and dad and then 7 months to tell work. They had no idea, thought I was getting fat. LOL!

[Funny Face]

We'll be waiting until after 12 weeks just for the sake of sanity and privacy! We waited until 16 weeks last time and it worked out well.

Of course I told dh but other than that we'll be keeping it hush-hush.

[momto3wantingmore]

For me only people who are supportive of my choices in birth will know my real due date. My family and those who arn't supportive will know a fudged DD of January so they woln't be hounding me lol. So I can't tell them for a month or they would figure out my DD would not be possible.

[lovbeingamommy]

Well considering what I'm going though now - waiting for a m/c. If and when I get pregnant next time, I'm waiting at least until 12 weeks. It'll be hard since I'm such a big - but to have everyone get so extremely excited for the 2nd grandchild and then seeing what happened at 6wks...I can't. It's too much heartache to have to go back and tell everyone, "I'm still technically pregnant but the baby passed at 6wks." :

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound so grim it's just that I'm still so discouraged about the whole thing.

[purplepaisleymama]

lovbeingamommy,
I am so sorry about what you are going through, I was there last year and I know about the hurt. I understand your feeling about waiting.

We are telling close friends, the ones were supportive when everything happened before. I don't know when we will let the families know, I am thinking that it will be hard to hide when I am very ill in about 3 weeks, I have had hyperemesis every pregnancy. I will most likely tell the inlaws and my mom this weekend and we are planning on telling the kids tomorrow. It was hard on them the last two times, but I have no idea how I would cope if anything happened and I didn't have support. The kids are going to be over the moon, they have all been planning on a new little one for the past 2 years.

I guess that i am out here, so that is about everyone!!!

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by lovbeingamommy

Well considering what I'm going though now - waiting for a m/c. If and when I get pregnant next time, I'm waiting at least until 12 weeks. It'll be hard since I'm such a big - but to have everyone get so extremely excited for the 2nd grandchild and then seeing what happened at 6wks...I can't. It's too much heartache to have to go back and tell everyone, "I'm still technically pregnant but the baby passed at 6wks." :

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound so grim it's just that I'm still so discouraged about the whole thing.

I am so sorry for your loss mama. I had a loss at 17 weeks last year and we had only told people I was pregnant the week before but I am so glad we did, it would have been hard to go through that alone.

It's okay to let others grieve with you. Don't think it is a place you have to go alone. Take care of yourself!

[applecider]

I am going to tell my close family (mom, sister) and maybe one friend. I didn't the last time and when I miscarried, nobody knew what I was going through. So this time, I definitely want the support and I want those I love to share in the good and bad. Plus I'll have people in real life to be excited with!

[fiveyearsapart]

This is my fifth or sixth pregnancy depending on whether chemicals count...and I have two sons. We'll be keeping this one a secret until at least twelve weeks.

[LeaAline]

I'm trying to convince DH to wait until Mother's Day, but I don't know if it'll stay quiet that long. Especially the people I work with, they'll probably be the first to pick up on it as we're all nurses. But I would feel really bad if my parents or his found out second hand. Its a double-edged sword though because I don't want to LIE to people.

[RoadWorkAhead]

My few close friends know, but my folks and his won't know until we can't hide it anymore as neither set approves of our choice, and I don't feel like hearing all the negative crap. I will refrain from telling a lot of my knitting buddies, etc. because we just had a stillbirth (owner of the LYS) and i want to give her some time before an announcement is made.

[terrainthailand]

Some good points

This is my first pregnancy and frankly I'm bursting to tell!! I'm going to try hard to wait to tell our parents until our ultrasound in a couple weeks (I'll be seven weeks at that point). It's a bit easier for me not to tell with all my friends and family being on the other side of the globe - but I agree that I don't like to lie so I've told a couple of friends here -- last night we went to dinner and everyone ordered raw oysters - my favorite - it was nice to have a couple of people who understood why I couldn't indulge in that or the wine!

I never considered the point a few have made that if you don't tell anyone then no one can help you grieve a loss. I think it's a good one.

[chic2chic]

i told my 2 closest friends -- and you guys -- and that's it!

we'll wait at least 12 weeks before telling our families and anyone else, but we'll tell our daughters first (i've never had an m/c, but given my age -- 38 -- i understand that it's a high risk).

i'm anxious about telling my parents because their reaction when we told them a few months ago that we were considering a 3rd child was a very disapproving "are you crazy?!" :

[catballou24]

we are telling everyone now. started a bit slow, but this week decided to just go ahead and let everyone know.. my dad was so excited last night...after we finished talking my mom said he actually had tears in his eyes and was saying how i'd just made his year.. they are amazingly supportive.. my in-laws should find out tomorrow...we sent them a card from the girls..MIL is not so supportive..

[tschifo]

Well, let's see, I just told my mom, grandmother, and Pap. Oh, and my cousin's husband who happens to be in Iraq right now. He just happened to be online, so I thought he'd enjoy the good news.

My mom's reaction was disappointing. I guess I kinda knew it would be, since we're moving away from her. It sure would be nice though if just once she'd be excited for us about something. :

My grandmother was the most supportive and nurturing. She's the best at affirming my maternal instincts, and was excited that we're excited.

Pap (grandpa) just loves the idea of having a BIG bundle of dirt covered kids running around his farm. So, of course he enjoyed hearing the news.

[3for_me]

So far just Dh and my midwives and you guys know. We are still taking about when to tell the world.

[MujerMamaMismo]

We have told our donor and his partner - obviously we had to let him know that his services were not required this month!

DP is in real shock and has asked me to keep quiet for a bit. I had to tell someone, so I told my sister. She's sworn to secrecy and she'll keep her word.

I really want to tell a couple of other friends but will wait a few more days until DP has adjusted a bit more.

I won't tell my Mum until 8 weeks and hope not to tell anyone at work or the rest of the world until 12 weeks.