Unsure about preschool...none at all?

[babelsgp]

What are the benefits of preschool? Learning to work with others? Are there REAL advantages for the child that transcend into adulthood?

I am looking into the waldorf preschool nearby, but I have so many fears about bringing my child into the REAL world. I am so extreme in my thoughts on this, that I am entertaining the idea of homeschooling her. I have to admit I shelter her, I want to ensure the friends she has are nice to her; I know kids can be kids but for the MOST part I want positive play. Not only do I want her protected, I also want to protect others from her bad attributes. I don't want to encounter other parents' and their opinions. I don't know what to say if a mom comes and to me and says hey your kid did this and I don't want my child playing with yours anymore! I also have to admit I want to define what is wrong or right in her world. BUT I WANT her to develop friendships and become confident and independent. Essentially this is my goal and since this is what I want, I am now determining which way I should go, and it basically starts here, with preschool and kindergarten.

So I wrote down a list of things that I am scared of:
loss of individualism; personality and creatively
aggression/ frustration
picking up negative behavior from other children
top/ bottom dog - competition
being treated poorly by other children
picking up other children's sayings, behaviors, etc. ahh "peer pressure" <--that's the term I am thinking of
getting sick - we've been to the doctor for being sick once in the past year (crossing fingers!!)

[RufusBeans]

....

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by babelsgp

What are the benefits of preschool? Learning to work with others? Are there REAL advantages for the child that transcend into adulthood?

I am looking into the waldorf preschool nearby, but I have so many fears about bringing my child into the REAL world. I am so extreme in my thoughts on this, that I am entertaining the idea of homeschooling her. I have to admit I shelter her, I want to ensure the friends she has are nice to her; I know kids can be kids but for the MOST part I want positive play. Not only do I want her protected, I also want to protect others from her bad attributes. I don't want to encounter other parents' and their opinions. I don't know what to say if a mom comes and to me and says hey your kid did this and I don't want my child playing with yours anymore! I also have to admit I want to define what is wrong or right in her world. BUT I WANT her to develop friendships and become confident and independent. Essentially this is my goal and since this is what I want, I am now determining which way I should go, and it basically starts here, with preschool and kindergarten.

So I wrote down a list of things that I am scared of:
loss of individualism; personality and creatively
aggression/ frustration
picking up negative behavior from other children
top/ bottom dog - competition
being treated poorly by other children
picking up other children's sayings, behaviors, etc. ahh "peer pressure" <--that's the term I am thinking of
getting sick - we've been to the doctor for being sick once in the past year (crossing fingers!!)

Well, my DD is in preschool because I think it is great that she has three hours a day when she can play with other children her age and have a break from mom. In terms of the negative things you list, I think there are just as many negative things that she could pick up at home, like:

- being really bored because I cannot entertain her continuously for all that time (nor would that be a healthy thing to do);
- loss of creativity, playfulness, and initiative because she would watch far more TV or just hang around with me rather than doing age-appropriate, stimulating activities;
- not getting sick and then when she does go to real school down the road, getting sick because she has not built up her immune system;
- not picking up on other children's positive or otherwise benign but socially importantbehaviour (like new expressions and trends) and being a complete social misfit because she has no siblings at home;
- frustration and agression because she is not getting the stimulation or creative outlets at home that she would at preschool.

I do worry about her being treated poorly by other children but I worry just as much about her treating other children poorly. Preschool gives her an outlet to play with other kids in a kind of community and build friendships, deal with conflict and learn to treat others as she would like to be treated. I don't think she would get that opportunity to the same extent being with me at home. Playgroups a few hours a week are just not the same thing.

[Sydnee]

I do daycare in my home, so I wasn't worried about my girls being sheltered, as far as socializing with other kids goes. And I do a preschool curriculum, so they don't need the academic aspect of it either, so we never sent our girls to preschool. We do public school though.

[Lingmom]

I understand you have a sense that you must make a decision now, while your child is a toddler, whether to homeschool or send her to preschool-kindergarten-elementary school, etc... The reality is that you don't have to make that decision now. When she's old enough, you can try out your local favorite pre-school and re-evaluate homeschool as you begin to think about kindergarten. You may find your child thrives at pre-school and is an extroverted social butterfly who would wilt at homeschool. Or maybe her social and academic needs can best be met by you and homeschool is the right choice. Regardless, she's going to change a lot between now and when she's ready to start pre-school in a year and a half... so I might put her down on some waiting lists, but I wouldn't feel like you need to commit to any decision right now.

Also... I would add that your daughter is young and it's probably pretty easy to control her environment and surround her with comfort and love and beautiful things. But at some point she'll want to make her way into the world and she will interact with other people. And some of those interactions will be fantastic. And others will not. And though you might not be able to see it now, there will come a time when your daughter is going to be old enough to handle and benefit from being out there with other people.

[heket]

Wow, I'd love to say that where I live preschool is not needed for public school. Perhaps it's because the district we live in is one of the lowest of our state. However, that in sight, if I were to send my children to public school, I'd have to start with preschool. (We don't because we'll be homeschooling. However, if we had decided to go public school, then we would have started with preschool.) Simply because it does set them on the path to success in public school. However, that path that public includes, does not include those items I find necessary later on, much less later high school and college success. Why are standardized tests such a norm that children now study for them? What is the purpose of a test then? I remember a week of testing and being told that it would not matter to my grade, but that it would test my teacher (wow, a teacher tested? How cool was that?) Yet I never heard nor saw those results. Also, the public schools in my area are overloaded with children. Yes, some schools might have k-3 classes with 20-30 students, while others and later grades have 40 or 41+. This does not aide the success of my children. So dh and I have decided to homeschool instead.

I'd hate to say it's an all or none course, but with NCLB, in my state of CA, it really does seem a case of all or nothing. I know some parents are fine with preschool to then homeschool -- or vice versa. But for us, we're sticking to just homeschooling as we see fits and and works for our family. This is very much an individual position that parents will have to decide upon.

[FancyPants]

You can decide when she is ready. She will be a lot more capable when she is preschool age. You can also observe her and decide if it is a good situation for her or not and quit preschool if it doesn't work for you.

My 4 year old is not in preschool. We tried it and it wasn't really beneficial to him at this time (it was an extremely good preschool, he just wasn't that into it).


My older son hardly had any preschool. He started in a highly academic public school system at 5.5 and has had no problems. He went in knowing how to draw x and o, some of his alphabet and his colors. In 1.5 years of public school he now prints, does very basic multiplication, reads at a 3rd grade level, and knows what an adjective is.

I honestly think that, for my ds1, not having preschool meant that he was not bored to tears of school and more ready for rules and sitting still (somewhat - he is a higher energy child)

Best wishes to you in your journey.

[Heavenly]

Your daughter is 2 days younger than my youngest and I think she is too young for preschool. I don't know, at 2 I'd just rather have her home with me. She is still such a baby. I am going to wait to start her until she is 3. Well she'd be 3 1/2 starting in September 2009. And to be honest the only reasons I'll be sending her are 1) social interaction, and 2) because I need a break.

[EyesOfTheWorld]

My oldest is actually starting preschool on Wednesday, and she turned 4 in Jan. I personally feel like a lot of kids start before they are ready. Everyone I know started at 3, but I just didn't feel like she was ready, and she developed more security staying with another year. You don't have to make this decision right now, this year. She's starting the the middle of the school year this time, and it's on a trial run. If she can't handle it we'll keep her home until next year. Find someplace that is flexible and work with her.

[oceanbaby]

I was worried about exactly the same things you listed when we put ds1 in preschool. And honestly? Most of them came true. He went to a wonderful little preschool - I loved the director, both teachers, and most the other kids and parents were great. But I regret sending him, for exactly the reasons in your OP.

When he started at 3.5yo, he shared, took turns, never hit, etc. Within a few months all of that changed. It's not like he turned into a monster or anything, but it was most definitely noticeable. And it had a trickle down effect for us, because he brought it home and then ds2 was exposed to it. (Not to mention the neverending colds!)

We are not sending ds2. (Who, BTW, is already more academically advanced than ds1 was at this age.)

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by oceanbaby

I was worried about exactly the same things you listed when we put ds1 in preschool. And honestly? Most of them came true. He went to a wonderful little preschool - I loved the director, both teachers, and most the other kids and parents were great. But I regret sending him, for exactly the reasons in your OP.

When he started at 3.5yo, he shared, took turns, never hit, etc. Within a few months all of that changed. It's not like he turned into a monster or anything, but it was most definitely noticeable. And it had a trickle down effect for us, because he brought it home and then ds2 was exposed to it. (Not to mention the neverending colds!)

We are not sending ds2. (Who, BTW, is already more academically advanced than ds1 was at this age.)

I'm not convinced that these behaviours don't show up at that age anyway, with or without preschool. Kids learn things from their siblings, at playgroups and on the playground. It's part of being human. Unless we want to act like helicopters patrolling our kids at all times, I don't see how we can stop it without stopping them from growing up and learning at the same time.

I personally think that a GOOD preschool is wonderful precisely for instilling community values like: say please and thank you, respect each other, respect each other's work, listen to each other, don't interrupt, express your thoughts and feelings with words rather than aggressive behaviour, etc. In my daughter's preschool (the three-year French universal preschool/kindergarten), all these notions are part and parcel of the school curriculum.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by RomanGoddess

I'm not convinced that these behaviours don't show up at that age anyway, with or without preschool. Kids learn things from their siblings, at playgroups and on the playground. It's part of being human. Unless we want to act like helicopters patrolling our kids at all times, I don't see how we can stop it without stopping them from growing up and learning at the same time.

I agree with that. It seems around 4 years old is when most kids hit that stage. It wasn't necessarily the preschool that caused it.

[TattooedMommy]

I really pushed for my oldest child to start school early: preschool, then K, etc. When she got around 8th grade and she was one of the youngest in her class she totally fell behind. I held her back that year and have no regrets, except wishing I'd had her home with me longer. Take your time making this decision. The implications are long lasting.

[RomanGoddess]

But in your case the issue was when to put her in preschool (given that she was the youngest in her class) not whether. That's a separate issue.

[annethcz]

I have one child who went to preschool, and two who didn't. Yes, there are personality differences between the kids, but I don't think preschool made a big difference in their lives. If I had it to do over, I'd probably skip preschool because I don't think it made a lasting difference in my DS's life, and it was a PITA to drive him there twice a week.

All of that said, my 4yo will be attending preschool next year. I don't think she needs it, but I do think she'll enjoy it. And as she is my youngest child, and the only one home with me during the day, her attendance at preschool will give me a few mornings/week to myself.

As for all of the negatives you listed, most of those things happen when a child has older siblings, so we're already dealing with those issues without preschool. Many of those factors also come into play if your child attends a play group, open gym, swimming lessons, dance lessons, music class, etc.

[oceanbaby]

Originally Posted by RomanGoddess

I personally think that a GOOD preschool is wonderful precisely for instilling community values like: say please and thank you, respect each other, respect each other's work, listen to each other, don't interrupt, express your thoughts and feelings with words rather than aggressive behaviour, etc. In my daughter's preschool (the three-year French universal preschool/kindergarten), all these notions are part and parcel of the school curriculum.

Yeah, except he was doing all of that before he ever went into preschool. And my 3.5yo does it, and he has never been to preschool.

The behaviors we noticed were directly imported from other kids. Exact phrases, tone of voice, etc. that I heard from other kids were brought home. It was an excellent preschool, but they don't see everything, and my ds would never go get a teacher if someone had been mean to him. I agree that at a certain age various new behaviors present themselves, and that we never get a control group for our kids. But it was a dramatic and very obvious change we noticed. I honestly do not believe that my older son would have started hitting/pushing if he had not gone to preschool. Not because he's some angel child, but because it just wasn't in his nature. He has certain other issues, but physical aggression was not one of them. And about a year after he was out of preschool, we noticed him finally coming back to more of his natural personality.

Would he have eventually picked this stuff up from a playground? Maybe. And as far as being a helicopter mom? Well, I think at 3.5yo we are supposed to be hovering over them. I will never be convinced that 3.5yos are supposed to spend their days in the company of other 3.5yos. They are supposed to be influenced by adults and siblings, and a community of people of all ages, all while under the watchful eye and guidance of a primary caretaker.

I loved my son's preschool, so this is not about sour grapes. It's about the environment in and of itself. I'm not a fan. Is daycare necessary for working parents? Absolutely. This isn't a judgement about that. It's about whether I think preschool is somehow necessary for a child's healthy development. And my answer is a resounding no.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I do not feel preschool was needed for my kids at all. They were happy home with me and I with them. So I never even considered it.

[hattifattener]

Hi! After much obsessing, we decided to just try pre-school with DD, even though I had alot of concerns that were pretty shockingly identical to yours. May I share our results?

1.loss of individualism; personality and creatively

I feel like I have a better sense of her personality now; when I volunteer at her school and watch them all do drawings, they are all so gorgeously different from each other's- and I can pick Lu's picture out of a crowd! Her uniqueness just continues to emerge as she gets older, and I think that would happen with or without school.

2.aggression/ frustration

She definitely deals with these issues at school, but, as I am kind of a hover-mama, I think it's been extremely healthy for her to work these issues out with less coaching. It really boosts her self esteem. Wonderful teachers aside, the stuff she handles at school, she handles on her OWN, and she feels great about that.

3.picking up negative behavior from other children- sayings, behaviors, etc.

Okay, this concern actually came true for us. Her teacher told us, about half-way into the year, that our sweet little share-monkey was testing out behaviors that she saw a few of the other children using: screaming to get what she wanted, etc. etc. I felt like I had ruined my daughter- I was so upset. But we kept not rewarding those behaviors at home, and guess what? Her teacher now reports that Lu has gotten tired of trying out those behaviors, since they didn't get her what she wanted, and is back to her old self. She had been doing stuff like refusing to share, since she felt like no one was sharing with her, and we talked about how there are things in life you do just because they're right, not because you'll definitely get something in return, and after awhile I think it clicked. Home is still very much her primary influence, even taking into consideration a three year old's normal desire to test out new behaviors.

4.top/ bottom dog - competition- being treated poorly by other children

Yeah, this kind of thing goes on, but it's stuff that was going to come up sooner or later- even if you homeschool for their whole school career, you find this nasty stuff in modified forms even in the adult world. I'd rather discuss it with her now and give her the tools to respond.

5. getting sick

Yes. She definitely gets sick more often.

I'm definitely NOT telling you you should pre-school; it's just that most of my fears about pre-schooling turned out differently than I had expected.

[Amys1st]

My older dd is in kindergarden and went to preschool for two years. She also did several Mom and Tot classes one being at the school she attended. Now her sister does the mom and tot plus a parents day out program and LOVES them!!! For dd2, she is "going to school" like her sister because she wants to do what ever the older one does.

BUT, both my girls love being around a lot of people. They have their entire lives since we both come from larger families so its fine for them. As far as illness- dd1 in kindergarden brings home all kinds of germs and the entire family got sick this whole year. Know what- we will be immune next year.

And yes, dd1 has picked up other kids habits that you dont enjoy but again like said, once they realize those quirky habits or bad behavior is not rewarded, it stops pretty quick. Very normal too. And it keeps happening as they get older.

As far as sheltering her, I can fully understand why you would do this and know why we should not do this. Unless you plan on sending her to a 3-4 yr old gang infested preschool, she should be fine. Yes there will be one or two children who will push other people's buttons but they will encounter people like that in kindergardn, and the rest of school, then college, and/or the workplace. Hey I have a few family members like that and neighbors too! Its part of the education process and how she will deal with that as she grows.

[Girlymomwithsons]

I know this is going to sound like a superficial reason to avoid preschool, but part of my thinking is that since you have to pay for it ($900 a semester where we live) and you don't need to pay (directly) for K-12 schooling, it seems more optional. I know, the governing bodies who decide which years they pay for don't really get to decide what is right for my kid. But I would be more worried about my decision to keep my kid home for another year (since we won't be home schooling) if it was the year he was due to start Kindergarten than I am about skipping preschool. We looked into it when he turned 3, and decided to wait until this September when he's 4, but I really think we will wait. I know the adjustment when he starts kindergarten will be a bit rough, but I think it will be less rough than it would be this year, and by then he will be more equiped to handle it.

I went to playschool when I was 4 and loved it so much that my sister went when she was 3 and 4. But my husband did not do well in preschool, he is a real introvert, and our oldest is just like him. We may send our youngest, because he loves to be in a group, and has a strong enough personality that he will probably only pick up minor things from other kids, whether they be good or bad things. But for our oldest? He's staying home for another year. Don't worry about your decision. You know your kid, you know what she needs. There is plenty of time to figure it out.