What is the worst/dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you about parenting stuff? II - Page 4

[Down2Earth]

This is more about pregnancy than a baby, but last week we started telling people I was pregnant. A woman who married a family friend came up to me and we had this conversation.

Woman: So you're telling people now?
(I rub my little belly) Me: Yeah, I can't really hide it, I'm showing early.
W: How far along are you?
Me: 10 weeks.
W: Are you having triplets or just twins? (she is serious!!!)
(I stop rubbing what must be an insanely huge belly instead of cute baby bump.) Me: No, just one.
W: Are you sure? You are really huge.
Me: No, I've had an u/s. There's only one.
(She looks puzzled) W: Well, maybe they made a mistake. You are really big for 10 weeks.

Wow! Thanks for telling me I'm fat while still in my 1st trimester! (BTW, I'm a pear shape and have never carried fat in my belly. I think everything is being shuffled around giving me my baby bump.)

And my BF said this really stupid thing, but she's never had kids so she doesn't know anything.

Me: I've been walking to the park everyday. And my reward for getting that far is to swing on the swings.
BF: OH NO!! You can't do that!!
Me: (puzzled) Why not? I like to swing and it's fun.
BF: But your baby's NOT ATTACHED yet! All that sloshing around will hurt it!

Ummm... okay. Note to self, don't talk about baby stuff with childless BF.

[MilkTrance]

I got the "twins" thing, too. I was pretty big, but the comments started early on, when I wasn't even that big at all.

A LOT of women get the "twins" thing from what I'm hearing.

I think that the previous generation's "15-20lbs maximum weight gain" mantra from doctors coloured their view of what a "normal" pregnancy looks like. A "normal" pregnancy is anywhere from 10 to 50lbs! Nikki Taylor gained 70!

[Smokering]

milkybean: What a cutie your son is! I have to admit when you said 'reddish eyes' I thought of those bizarre maroon eyes they gave Jesus in The Passion of the Christ--which were frankly creepy. But your son's eyes are lovely. And he looks adorable!

LaurenB: *hugs*

[Jezzy]

Originally Posted by MilkTrance

I now really, really want to see photos of that dark-eyed DH and the little baby with red hair and amber eyes. They both sound SO gorgeous!

me too!!!

milkybean he is so cute!

[CorasMama]

My XMIL sometimes makes comments about how DD gets ___ trait from ___ on her side of the family. I think it's really sweet, since my DXH adopted DD when we got married. Basically, it says to me that she forgets and doesn't view DD as any less her grandchild as those born to her kids. Occasionally, she'll stop, or remember a few minutes later, and say, "oh, I guess she probably didn't technically get that from uncle Ed, did she? *giggle* " As many issues as I may have with her, she's pretty smitten with her granddaughter, and loves her actively. She sends her packages throughout the year (she only sees her for a few days at winter and spring break, and then for a few weeks every summer), with very personal, "this reminded me of you" kind of stuff, and has started including long letters with her memories of when she was Cora's age, and other family history. It is quite obvious that she sees Cora as her descendant and legacy.

[turnipmama]

Originally Posted by Tithonia

I think the craziest thing is when people who really don't know your baby, or babies in general, try to give you advice. When my DD was about 3 months old she would take about 5 40-min. naps per day. She would hang out with my DH in the library while I was in class, and one day a middle-aged bachelor student, who often gave him unwelcome advice, told him that we should stop letting her nap so much, so she would sleep better at night.

Um... she was sleeping through the night at that point...

(often wish that were still true!)

OH MY GOSH THIS TICKS ME OFF!!! My mother constantly does this. She only sees DD every few months but always assumes she knows exactly what's wrong. One day we were driving somewhere and DD started crying. She doesn't like the carseat that much unless someone was back there entertaining her plus she was tired. My mother said - "No, its because she is so tired from learning to walk!" - the funny thing is that she wasn't walking yet!

As far as the pregnancy comments, I think the ONLY things you should comment to a pregnant woman is the following:

"You look great/radiant/glowing"
"Children are such a joy"
"Congratulations!"

[russsk]

My ds is 5 weeks old, and so far we've been spared the comments from strangers, and my mil is pretty good about keeping most of her comments to herself. But when i was pg, I mentioned to a friend that i wanted to avoid drugs during birth. Well she went on and on about how crazy that is, how much it hurts, blah blah blah. And she brought it up a few times over the course of my pregnancy.

I found out after I gave birth that both of her kids were born via c-section, and she never went into labor. Now how would she know how painful it is??

What no one told me, however, was that giving birth naturally to my ds would make me feel like a superhero (esp. after pushing for 4 hours).

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by eunytuny

Dh's nephew's gf just had a baby and I've been gently encouraging bf. They dont have 2 dimes to rub together so I was touting how cheap bm is and she just said "My mom said it hurts and WIC pays for all the formula anyway.

Does WIC pay for the trip to the grocery store to get the formula?

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Down2Earth

Me: I've been walking to the park everyday. And my reward for getting that far is to swing on the swings.
BF: OH NO!! You can't do that!!
Me: (puzzled) Why not? I like to swing and it's fun.
BF: But your baby's NOT ATTACHED yet! All that sloshing around will hurt it!

Ummm... okay. Note to self, don't talk about baby stuff with childless BF.

No, you need to talk with her about stuff so you can gently say "sweetie, that's not how it works. If you're curious I can tell you all about it, or you can do some reading if you'd prefer to hear it from an expert."

[ColoradanMom]

Originally Posted by eunytuny

Dh's nephew's gf just had a baby and I've been gently encouraging bf. They dont have 2 dimes to rub together so I was touting how cheap bm is and she just said "My mom said it hurts and WIC pays for all the formula anyway.

How sad is that?? I'm pretty sure WIC also gives free lac support and pump rental.

[ColoradanMom]

Originally Posted by MilkTrance

I think that the previous generation's "15-20lbs maximum weight gain" mantra from doctors coloured their view of what a "normal" pregnancy looks like. A "normal" pregnancy is anywhere from 10 to 50lbs! Nikki Taylor gained 70!

My gma did that one too. About halfway through asked how much I'd gained so far. Apparently she only gained 18 w/ my mom and she said "ya know the women, like your mom who gain like 30-40 pounds have so march harder of a time trying to lose it" : I just said "Well the current recommendation is 25-35 and so my goal will be to be close to that. It doesn't matter to me as long as I'm properly nuturing my baby.

[ColoradanMom]

My MIL tends to irritate me a lot, particularly because she's a nurse.

Before the birth, my she kept trying to tell us not to "room-in" at the hospital. And she wasn't just saying it like "Don't feel guilty if you need to send DS to the nursery to get some sleep" But more like "You shouldn't room in. Have the baby sleep in the nursery and the nurses will bring him when he's hungry" Uhh.. no thanks - I wouldn't have my success at bfing depending on whether the nurses recognize the baby's hunger cues. Unfortunately it wasn't an issue anyhow since he had to be Flight For Life-ed to the NICU at a different hospital. What I wouldn't have given to have had a poor night's sleep that first night WITH my sweet baby instead of miles apart.

Also, after I finally made the heartbreaking decision to quit forcing DS to eat by breast and let him have his fortified breastmilk by bottle, we were at their house and I went into the spare bedroom to pump. She said to me: "You know, nursing is actually a lot easier than pumping and bottle feeding" Uh, ya, I didn't realize that... way to hit a sore spot

[CAHemmerich]

more annoyance

I thought of a couple more after I went to bed last night.

my PEDIATRICIAN told me to stop nursing my toddler at around 2yrs because she "wasn't gaining enough weight" and apparently she thought she wasn't eating because she was filling up on my milk. Well, due to other circumstances she did end up weaning at around 2yrs 4/5mo. Guess what. She didn't "gain weight" any faster. Hmm.

after my hospital transfer during labor with our second, the pediatricians, nursing staff, nurses aids, obstericians - all of them - told me I HAD to give the Hepatitis B shot because I didn't know my own Hepatitis status. Um, excuse me? I most certainly know I DO NOT have Hepatitis B. Then they told me I had to have it because it was a public health concern - they just give it to everyone so they don't have to worry about the few drug users/promiscuous women who come into the hopsital for birth. Oh, so now you're assuming I'm an intravenous needle sharer and that I sleep around? So I said, "Well, I want personal health, not public health." They eventually stopped harassing me. Later, though, i woke up to a nurse coming in to take Chloe away from me - sneak her away is more like it. Good thing we were co-sleeping in the hospital bed! She said to me "Oh, I'm sorry to wake you. I was just going to take her to the nursery quick for her MMR shot." Um, what part of no vaccinations and DO NOT take her from my room did they not understand?

[shanniesue2]

there is this awful lady where I work. When I was pregnant and I had just found out we were having a boy, she asked what we were going to name him, I told her Christopher Lyle. And she looks at me and says, "I don't like that... why don't you name him Christopher Michael... I don't like the name Lyle." I looked at her and said, "That's my dead grandpa's name, thank you very much."

Later on, when I was 8 mos pg... she walke by me one day and said ,"you're getting fat."


The other stupid thing is something my FIL said to me when ds was 3or 4 days old. He was commenting on how I respond every time Chistopher creis. He said that Chrisopher was learning that all he had to do was cry o get me to pick him up and that I was teaching him to cry... he said, It's called operant conditioning." I responded, "that's not true. crying is the only way he has to let me know what his needs..." My fil interrupted and said, "yeah but he's human and he was born with all the brain cells an adult has." someone else interrupted at that point b/c they could see an argument ensuing... but what I wish I'd had time to point out was that if he'd been keeping up with current brain research he'd know that all the brain cell might be present but that none of the synapses were complete... that the connections between the brain cells weren't formed yet.

And even if all that weren't true... the whole thing about operat conditioning bothers me... my son is not a dog.

[CanidFL]

I thought I would chime in since we are talking about babies not looking like the parents. DS does have traits from both of us but I am white and DH is black so he is tan with the best features from both of us. We were at the park one day and a random mom started talking to me and saying how cute DS was. I said thanks and continued to play with him. This is the conversation:

Her – Is he Spanish?
Me – no. I am white and My DH is black
Her – but his father is Spanish?
Me – no. My DH is black.
Her – Your DH must be mad he’s not the father. That baby is Spanish.
Me – He is the father. I’m married and DH is the father and he is black.
Her – oh so you got married first then had a baby with your husband. That isn’t normal.
Me – hmmmm (totally speechless)

I am still in awe at this conversation. It was about 3 weeks ago and I can’t stop laughing about it.

[pear-shaped]

Dd is only 3 months and I'm already sick of all the you need to put that baby down comments. I'm in Italy, so they come with a twist: if I'm always holding the baby, how do I cook? My answer always shocks them: I don't anymore. My husband's aunt is the worst. She asks us whenever she calls if we're holding the baby, and if we say yes, she says to put her down. She's also reassured me many times that crying is good for babies' lungs.

This isn't about parenting, but when I was pregnant and we found out dd's sex, this aunt didn't hide her disappointment. When I told her she asked, shocked, "What happened?" I should have said something like it was a boy but I fell and broke the penis off, but I was too angry to say anything more than "It's a girl, that's what happened!" Later she consoled MIL (who was ecstatic to have another grandchild regardless of gender) "Che amarezza!- What bitterness!"

In the clinic the day dd was born, a nurse came into my room and yelled at me for holding her. She told me that dd should always be in the cradle (that plastic thing they wheel the babies around in.) It was wrong on so many levels I didn't know what to say. So I didn't even acknowledge it.

Since dd is pretty much always in my arms, we have someone who comes to clean the house once a week. Now she's on my case too. She tells me that dd is manipulative because she fusses and cries when she wants attention. Well of course she fusses and cries when she wants attention! She's a baby!

Do these people who have no problem with ignoring a baby who is upset treat adults the same way? If I ignored my husband when he comes home from a hard day of work wanting a hug, they'd say I was a bad wife. So why is okay to ignore a baby who needs a cuddle?

I've heard some really wonderful things from MIL, though. While staying with us after dd was born, she confessed that she was no good at keeping her house clean (quite an admission here in Italy, as the standards/ expectations are ridiculously high) when her children were young because she thought it was more important to spend time playing with them. And about our always holding dd: well, babies who are held all the time grow up to be happier and more confident. I love my MIL.

[Down2Earth]

Originally Posted by MilkTrance

I got the "twins" thing, too. I was pretty big, but the comments started early on, when I wasn't even that big at all.

A LOT of women get the "twins" thing from what I'm hearing.

I think that the previous generation's "15-20lbs maximum weight gain" mantra from doctors coloured their view of what a "normal" pregnancy looks like. A "normal" pregnancy is anywhere from 10 to 50lbs! Nikki Taylor gained 70!

I would agree if this woman wasn't in her 20s and had already had one child. She should really know better!

Originally Posted by turnipmama

As far as the pregnancy comments, I think the ONLY things you should comment to a pregnant woman is the following:

"You look great/radiant/glowing"
"Children are such a joy"
"Congratulations!"

Exactly!

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

No, you need to talk with her about stuff so you can gently say "sweetie, that's not how it works. If you're curious I can tell you all about it, or you can do some reading if you'd prefer to hear it from an expert."

She plans on never having children so it would sort of be like explaining how to make fried chicken to a vegetarian.

[MySweetSunlight]

"Are they twins?" While looking at my identical...twins. Nope, not twins, that couldn't be. They were just born at the same time. Actually, they're triplets, I left the third one at home in a drawer.
I was very young my first pregnancy, and I had a nasty comment from a woman who said "Well, you're going to give it up, aren't you?" Assuming of course, being a teenager I couldn't possibly be married, despite the ring on my finger and the fact her daughter ATTENDED MY WEDDING.
After my son was born, I had a woman say "It's too bad you didn't get a c-section, your son wouldn't have such a funny shaped head"
Considering I nearly died giving birth to him, I was not amused by any comments on the birthing process.

[jessica_lizette]

*

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by milkybean

Well, OK. Since his eyes went amber after he was out of babyhood (we really thought they would be hazel and changey, LOL, but they only change when he's sick and they turn greenish (it's a really good sign that he's sick)), I only have a 3 year old pic of him that's a closeup. Tired at Disneyland. Right around his 1st b'day, here's the three of us. (hubby was in a "we thought it looked good at the time" moustache and goatee phase...shudder...why we thought that looked good I have *no* idea, and the MONTHS it took my mainly hair-less DH grow it, well, he'll never get those months back, LOL)

Hubby's family has always seen the resemblance (in person) between the two of them. But my family has been weird about it and strangers are bizarre.

I don't see a resemblance between them, but there is nothing there at all to scream "couldn't be the father". Ds has awesome eyes!