where to even start on considering HB

[ColoradanMom]

So all the sudden, .. I started getting this desire to consider having a HB sometime in the future.. not sure if I'd want to or not.

DS was born in a pretty traditional hospital setting, which turned out to be a very good thing because he was born with an undiagnosed very severe heart defect that the nurses noticed symptoms of 2 hours after birth and would have likely been fatal without immediate treatment. Despite having pain medication, it was fortunately a very quick and uncomplicated vaginal delivery. My water broke at midnight - I went in at 4 am. I was having so much anxiety about the whole thing (it was an unplanned preg that I wasn't ready for) and despite intending not to, I did end up requesting an epidural (which because I have anestesia issues - quit working after an hour and then they freaked out and ended up giving me way too much and made me still numb for pushing . For me the epi ended up speeding things along and he was almost out by the time the MW made it, so fortunately, being way over medicated didn't turn out to be a problem. It was actually a very good hospital - they made sure to help me latch on right away. Anyways, once his deteriorating circulation was recognized, he had to be rushed to the Children's hospital in town and I had to say goodbye to him in his ambulence isolette. I was discharged first thing that next morning and he ended up in the hospital for a little over a month. His hospital's LCs did a great job encouraging me to pump and by the time he was going home, we were getting the hang of BFing but with his health, eventually resorted to bottles of fortified BM.

Anyways, sorry, so much detail - I wasn't really angry with the hospital environment or anything - they were all great, but I feel such negative things when I think back to when he was born. Obviously his long hospitalization was very necessary in his case but I just don't know how I'll feel about experiencing my next child's birth in a medical environment. I'm starting to wonder if I might want to look into other options.

Now I'm thinking way ahead of myself because we won't be TTC for years (gotta get DS healthy first) and I have no idea how I'd manage to convince my DH its a good idea (he had a hard enough time with the fact that I didn't intend to use an epi) Anyways, what kind of resources could I read to start thinking about whether it'd be an option? What are the options? I guess it depends on the state laws, but do MW's come to the house? Are those of you that did an HB happy with it? What problems/complications come about?
Thanks for reading all this and being patient with me while I try to sort out what I feel on this topic

[Lynski]

Hello from a fellow Coloradoan! I had my second baby at home. It was an INCREDIBLE experience. I would have gladly repeated it with my 3rd but our finances made it impossible. HB is perfectly legal in CO and your midwife will come to your house. Some do all their appointments at your house, some have an office and will just do some appointments at your home. If you're thinking about hb I suggest you start by doing some research. I loved Henci Goer's "A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth." It's full of good information and statistics. There's lots of other great books out there as well. There's a Colorado homebirth group and they meet here - http://www.oursweetbeginnings.com/ on the 4th Monday of the month. You can meet other homebirthers and get some of your questions answered. Good luck, I hope your son is doing well.

[Azryel]

Originally Posted by ColoradanMom

DS was born in a pretty traditional hospital setting, which turned out to be a very good thing because he was born with an undiagnosed very severe heart defect that the nurses noticed symptoms of 2 hours after birth and would have likely been fatal without immediate treatment.

How scary. I'm glad your little one's problem was caught and he was able to receive treatment. Something that's really made me feel good about my upcoming home birth, that may help you be more comfortable with the idea should you choose to pursue it, is knowing that situations like this are actually handled safely with home birth. Two hours is more than enough time to figure out something is wrong and make it to a hospital, and problems can usually be diagnosed at least as quickly (and often even faster) in a home birth situation because your midwife is focused 100% on you and your child, and does not have other patients to attend to.

I had great hospital births with my first three children, but simple things (like the fact that I was in transition) took longer to figure out because I didn't get the full attention of my midwife there. I'm looking forward to an even more awesome home birth with this baby.

My DH was against a home birth when my first was born. I probably wouldn't have considered it, either. But everything I've learned over the past three years about childbirth as slowly trickled down to him as well, and now he's at least as big a fan of a home birth as I am. For us, we're information people. I'm actually a researcher. What helped us make our decision was just learning more about home birth, the studies that have been done on its safety, and how emergency situations are handled at home compared to the hospital. It also helps that we live in a very home birth friendly area and that our insurance covers home birth.

Good luck figuring out what works for you.

* Jaime

[ColoradanMom]

Thanks for the scoop!! Like I said, I have a long long time (hopefully) to think about it. We're not super stable job/ living wise, and we've got our hands pretty full already w/ DS, so hopefully no baby for awhile. I actually did bring it up to DH "No way" so it would take lots of convincing over some time. The things that I started thinking about:
- With DS being such a "special" child I think I want to be extra sure that he doesn't feel too different/excluded when it comes to a bro/sister. I'll be more likely to BF sucessfully, and probably be more mature and prepared and less stressed. I think leaving him w/ someone for several days while I'm in the hospital and making DH split his time trying to make sure he's okay and be w/ me would put more of a strain and make DS feel more excluded by a new one.

-For DS, since we were seperated I didn't have the typical hospital experience PP, as far as rooming in while we both recover, but I had something similar his last week hospitalized on the cardiac floor. I crashed in his room when they first started letting him eat and worked my hardest to get him breastfeeding. The hospital is NOT a conducive place to learn how to eat. While they encouraged BFing, it was hard w/ people in and out to poke him all the time. He was still needing tube feeds to get enough calories, so there every 3 hours, I'd try to BF (and do the weight measure to see what he got) then bottle, then go run around and find a nurse to give him the rest in the tube. With constantly different nurses, doctors, and an occasional OT or LC (he was a long way from the NICU so it took a lot to get lactation to come visit) there were a lot of different opinions on how to do it and with me being so new to being mom, I had no idea how to sort it out and it was very frustrating and depressing!
- I hate the hospitals at this point. I'm not "anti-medical" per se because the medical community has done some amazing things, particularly in the awesome way they were able to save DS's life with surgery. But, I get anxiety there and don't want to spend more time than necessary.
- Especially when it comes to cardiac stuff, I know now to make absolutely sure that as much is done prenatally to make sure that everything is working. I wouldn't accept the crappy quality of my 20 week u/s and would hopefully know about any defects ahead of time.
- I think I'll be much more prepared to handle labor next time now that I know what its like. Even though I had an epi, I know what early labor feels like and I know what transition feels like (since I went from no pain to total pain when the epi wore off too soon). Next time my pregnancy will probably be planned and I'll be excited and prepared and have a much better attitude as far as the labor goes.

We will see - I'll just start thinking about it... DH will be the hardest to convince

[*MamaJen*]

I'd say do exactly what you're doing--just start reading up and educating yourself about homebirth. Also, there's a documentary that just came out called "The Business of being Born." It's a good place to start.
My partner was thoroughly freaked out by the idea of homebirth at first, but the more he learned, the more on board he was, and now he's a big proponent.
So sorry about your baby boy's health issues. You might could find some good support on the NICU/preemie board--it's a subforum of "life with a babe."
welcome aboard!

[Eresh]

If you experience anxiety just being in a hospital, it sounds like a hb is definitely for you. In addition to Henci Goer's book (a great recommendation that I second, or third, or whatever), I'd recommend Ina May Gaskin's "Guide to Childbirth" and "Spiritual Midwifery". They both have great birthing stories though "Guide to Childbirth" has more info in addition to the stories.

As for winning over DH, in my case we have friends that UCed so by contrast HB seemed practically conservative. And I educated myself very well early on in my pregnancy so I could talk very knowledgeably about the hospital vs. home birth process and why HBing is better. I think the final turning point was getting him in the same room as a midwife so he could ask questions and get actual statistics from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

[Peony]

I started thinking about a HB with #2 the day after #1 was born. I actually had a fine hospital birth, as far as hospital births go, it was a very good one, but I wanted more. I had never thought about a HB until I was in labor and then I realized why people had them, I really, really did not want to leave my house. DH was very against the idea. I started off slow, reading articles, and telling him tidbits, etc... I got pg with DD2 when DD1 was 3y, by that time DH didn't even bat an eye at a homebirth. I had spent the last 3y preparing him for one. And after she was born, DH said how wonderful it was, and he was crazy for thinking it was crazy a couple years earlier.


My birth was DD2... I don't even know how to word it... it wasn't healing because I hadn't suffered though anything... yet. Yet being the key word. DD2 got very ill as a newborn, where she was born would of had no effect because she was born healthy. Long story short, she ended up with chronic lung disease, and was O2 dependent until she was 7m old. When I look back at what she/I went though, her birth is the one thing that stands out in mind,. I may not of been able to protect her from the illness, but I did give her a peaceful way into this world. And hello from a follow CO mom! I'm down in Durango.