Should my LATE summer bday child move on to 1st grade or repeat K?

[ipgaea]

My dd attends a private Kindergarten program and we were planning to send her to the public school to start 1st grade this fall. She will not be 6 until August 18. The cut-off for school is September 1st. She technically makes the cut off but I am now considering whether she could benefit from another year before entering the "rigors" of 1st grade and the large elementary school environment. Academically she is ready - meaning that she is doing "fine", not at the highest or lowest level among her classmates. She is somewhat immature however - very likely to have her feelings hurt, has a hard time working out conflicts with classmates independently (without assistance from the teacher). She is having a good year in school and doesn't seem to have any major confidence issues. In fact, I would say she is very happy at school and has a reasonable amount of self-esteem, but I worry about her from a social/emotional stand point moving into the next few years. I know the "research" says that holding kids back doesn't help them in the long run, and may actually hurt their self-esteem, but I don't know what to believe. She would not be dealing with as much of the "trauma" associated with repeating a grade when all the same kids move up together because the kids in her class are dispersing and all moving on to other schools for 1st grade. Help! Any input would be appreciated!!

[TiredX2]

Have you talked to her teacher about this?

Have you looked at the school she will go to next year and what they will expect? Do you know kids who are currently in 1st grade you can compare her to?

Personally, I wouln't hold back in that situation unless I had a pretty good, pretty focused reason.

[DahliaRW]

Have you discussed this with her current teacher? I would highly recommend setting up a conference with her current teacher. She most likely can discuss your concerns and give you insight on how your dd is doing (socially and academically) in the classroom which might help you make your decision.

[ipgaea]

Yes. I have spoken to her teacher. She was the one who first put the idea in my head of possibly doing kindergarten again. She was a bit wishy-washy about it though, saying that she is ready for 1st grade but if I wanted to give her the extra time for "maturity" that would work well also. It really left me more confused than anything. Help!

[ChristaN]

I wouldn't make a decision based upon one teacher's opinion alone. Both of my dds' preschool teachers told me to wait a year to start them in K b/c they were young. We didn't do so b/c it didn't seem to be the right decision for my girls and, thus far, I am happy with the choices we made. I did find that my younger dd's preschool teacher had a bit of a bias in that she told the parents of every child with a bd after June to wait a year to start their child.

Do you know if your dd's teacher has a strong opinion one way or another about kids being the youngest or oldest? Some people do have a hard time looking at kids as individuals and keeping their personal opinions out of it. (I'm sure that I'm not guiltless here either!)

My thought is that it would help to go to the school she'd be attending next year and ask if you can observe a 1st grade class or two as well as a K class and/or talk with the teachers of those grades. It might give you a better feel for where your dd would fit best.

It sounds like, whatever you decide, she'd do better with a nurturing, gentle teacher who can help her with being sensitive. The right teacher may be the most important thing. If you can at least get a chance to know the potential teachers and then explain why you want your dd placed with a specific one, she may have a better fit.

We were making some choices about grade placement for my older dd this year and one of her teachers made a rather astute point. She said that she believed in doing what is best for the child right now, not looking 10 yrs down the line and trying to figure out what to do for her future wellbeing. If you can narrow down your focus to what seems to be the best fit for her now rather than worrying a lot about the long-term outcomes of your choice, it may make the decision easier.

Good luck!

[goylesgirl]

To the OP, is the "research" you are referring to talking about holding kids back before kindergarten, or holding them back in subsequent years? The "research" I've read, is that having your child wait to go to kindergarten or "redshirting" them can be very beneficial. I am not saying I totally endorse it, it is just what I have read. Personally, I think kindergarten is not what it used to be, and an extra year to just be able to play and be a kid might be nice. I do have my own issues with the fact that girls develop earlier than boys anyway and am worried about my daughter having to deal with a chest while she is still in elementary school. So, basically, I don't know what my advice to you is.

[ipgaea]

i think the idea of observing/talking with her potential teachers for 1st grade makes sense. The other part of the dilemna, which I didn't mention, is that if she does kindergarten again, she could either go over to the public school and do their k program (however it is much more limited that what she has done this year so in that sense I am not enthusiastic about it) or she could repeat with the same teacher at her private school. This is also concerning b/c although she has a GREAT teacher who will strive to take her forward with reading/math etc based on how she was doing this year, she will STILL have to sit through the same projects, the same "dinosaur" unit, etc. that she did the year before. My dh is not sure what he thinks of the idea of giving her a year for maturity, but he thinks it is CRAZY to have her do the EXACT same year twice. So that adds another wrinkle to the issue...I think if I had considered all this earlier I would have had her do a pre-k type program and then she wouldn't be "repeating" - but hindsight is 20/20 isn't it...

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by goylesgirl

To the OP, is the "research" you are referring to talking about holding kids back before kindergarten, or holding them back in subsequent years? The "research" I've read, is that having your child wait to go to kindergarten or "redshirting" them can be very beneficial.

I'm thinking that this article regarding delaying entry to K/redshirting is likely what the OP is referring to. That article and one other that I can't remember the location of are two well done meta-analyses of the literature relating to redshirting that show it is generally not beneficial in the long-run.

In regard to repeating grades, I honestly don't know what the literature says and all children are individuals and the research may not apply for all children.

[kmeyrick]

As far as being sensitive, I don't know why being held back would help that. That's often been considered the solution, but how? It's a character trait. If she had less vocabulary skills, that may be another story. But I think repeating a grade is not the solution to her sensitivity. She may be more sensitive in the long run because she feels so inferior. It happened to me.

[innle]

My aunt and uncle were discussing this lately, with respect to my cousin who is in a similar situation to your daughter - my father is a school principal and his advice was to keep him back a year - not necessarily because it will make a big difference in the short term, but because he believes (based on his experiences) that in the long term (towards the end of primary school, and into secondary school) that it tends to be better for the children, particularly with respect to maturity levels and physical size differences.

Hope this helps, but I do understand that anecdotes aren't very good evidence, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt or two!

[Tinker]

My DD1's b-day is the cut off here. So at my dh's urging I started her in K when she was 5. Well she made it through K ok but first grade was another story. She's repeating first this year and having the time of her life! It really depends on the child IMO. Mine was not mature enough, we should have waited. Follow your gut!

[Petronella]

Originally Posted by kmeyrick

As far as being sensitive, I don't know why being held back would help that. That's often been considered the solution, but how? It's a character trait. If she had less vocabulary skills, that may be another story. But I think repeating a grade is not the solution to her sensitivity. She may be more sensitive in the long run because she feels so inferior. It happened to me.

: I would let her go on to first grade.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by DahliaRW

Have you discussed this with her current teacher? I would highly recommend setting up a conference with her current teacher. She most likely can discuss your concerns and give you insight on how your dd is doing (socially and academically) in the classroom which might help you make your decision.

I agree. She watches your daughter interact with the other children each day and can help you greatly in your decision. I'd go with my gut in the end though.

I would likely allow my child to start 1st grade but only because as they get older they will be the oldest in class and that might be even harder than it would be now while younger, just a thought.

Also, your child would be 18 at the beginning of 12th grade. There might be children who tease her in high school for failing a year when in actuality she didn't. I always like to think ahead on scenarios. It may never even be a problem but you never know. A kid in my DD's kindergarten class just repeated the class this year and he turned 7 last month. He will be a lot older than children in school each year from here on out. He will likely be 19 in 12th grade and if he ever fails any future grades he coold very well be 20 in 12th grade. I feel for him in a way but it could be an advantage too.

But yes, I'd talk to her teacher first and go from there.

[tayndrewsmama]

I'd probably let her go on to first grade. Like others have said, if she was struggling academically, then I'd consider holding her back. I struggle with what to do with ds as well, but we are homeschooling so it's not the same issue that you are dealing with. His b-day is August 25th and he was born 5 weeks premature, so had that not happened, he wouldn't be old enough to enter K this year anyway. For him, it is the opposite as your dd. He is quite mature socially, but struggles a bit more with the academics of things. I might be expecting too much though.

We all want to do what is right for our children, but I don't really think that holding your dd back will help her to mature socially any quicker. It would be a shame to see her get bored with her work and lose interest because she is ahead of it already.

[ipgaea]

Thanks for all the advice so far. I am considering at this point having her do some intelligence testing. I am hoping that having this additional piece of information will help. There is a school for gifted children in our area, so one thought I had was if we decide to have her do Kindergarten again (and she qualified through IQ testing) that we could have her go to that school so I would feel confident that she would be challenged. After the K year we could decide whether to move her to the public school for 1st grade (where we were originally planning to send her this coming year). Thoughts on this?

[UUMom]

I have a late summer dd who is hsing now, but I waited until the next year to start K. She didn't repeat, she just stayed home an extra year. She attended school until age 10 with no issues whatsoever and always enjoyed school very much. She was able to attend a small private school where they were able to individualize programming however. She was never bored. Of course, she's never bored now...but that's her personality. Her second grade teacher once said she could make a parade out of dust. I would go by your dd's personality, her needs, whether the school is a thoughtful one, whether she was very happy in K, what the next yr's program is like etc.

[Tanibani]

Originally Posted by UUMom

Her second grade teacher once said she could make a parade out of dust.

Love that quote.

Depends on the child. Since the K teacher suggested it, I would follow that recommendation.

I would hold back. I know lots of people who have done it and are very happy they did (they report as the children get older, homework is "easier" to get through).

In CA, there has been a trend to push down coursework a grade, even though the children are not developmentally ready for it. My children are March and June birthdays, so it's not an issue for me. But if it were an issue from us, I would repeat K. Repeating K is far less traumatic than having to repeat a grade later on. I remember that being a big fear of mine in 4th, 5th & 6th grade. It never happened but the idea it was a possibility for anyone terrified me.

A friend of mine had the same situation in K. Our K teacher (developmental, hands-on K from our local preschool, I wouldn't dare put my son in our typical, work-sheet after work-sheet K) recommended going on to 1st because this boy was "so bright." He is in 2nd now and doing fine.

I have a neighbor with a late birthday, but they put him in K. He's in 3rd grade now and * struggling * with the school work. He sees a tutor 4 times a week.

I'd listen to your teacher. Pick her brain. Talk to others.

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by ipgaea

Thanks for all the advice so far. I am considering at this point having her do some intelligence testing. I am hoping that having this additional piece of information will help. There is a school for gifted children in our area, so one thought I had was if we decide to have her do Kindergarten again (and she qualified through IQ testing) that we could have her go to that school so I would feel confident that she would be challenged. After the K year we could decide whether to move her to the public school for 1st grade (where we were originally planning to send her this coming year). Thoughts on this?

If you are thinking that your dd is gifted, I'd be even less inclined to hold her back a year, to be honest. If she qualifies for the GT magnet school, how about having her attend 1st grade there? Teachers of gifted children should be aware of heightened sensitivities and other characteristics that are not uncommon in that population and be better able to accomodate her.

If that's where you're leaning in terms of your dd, I'd start with the testing and then meet with the magnet school and seek their opinion based upon the results. In terms of that specific population of kids, the literature leans pretty heavily toward having those children be the youngest and possibly even grade accelerated for social and emotional well being as much as academic reasons (www.nationdeceived.org). It's interesting how a child who appears to be immature in one setting may be coming across that way b/c her peers don't get her not b/c she is less mature. Placing her with older children, paradoxically, can make her appear more mature.

[A&A]

I'd move her to 1st grade. She'll get bored repeating K.

[RomanGoddess]

Originally Posted by A&A

I'd move her to 1st grade. She'll get bored repeating K.

I agree. Besides, do you really want her to be more than a year older than some of her classmates when she is in grade 6, 7 or 8?