or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Breastfeeding › Spots to go nurse when out in public.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Spots to go nurse when out in public. - Page 2

post #21 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
I have no intention of stopping bfing. The thing for me now is to be able to find places quickly when she gets hungry that are private enough so its just me and her while she eats and than when she's done, rejoin the rest of the world.
Why? If people are so bothered, they should at least be able to tell you. I think your question should be, "Where are some out of the way places I can tell other people to go to if they don't like me breastfeeding my baby in public?" I would mention "hell" as an answer to this question, but that might be too confrontational for you.
post #22 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
It's what I keep telling him but he says it's "insensitive" and that I need to learn to filter my actions and words more because I have been offensive in how I bf because other people aren't as comfortable w/it as I am.

So thus wondering where the good spots are to go bf her before rejoining the world at large.

I agree with the PP - this is your husband's problem. He needs to deal with it and not treat you like a child. I'm not sre why you're taking his word that what you're doing is rude - what do you mean about your filter between you mind and mouth not working? It's not your job to always make other people comfortable.
post #23 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenjenl18 View Post
I would tell you to avoid bathrooms...thats icky. Other than that if you're at someones house, ask if you can use a guest room/formal living room, empty room in the house. If its these same people then I bet they will still have a problem with even the idea of you nursing around them. So honestly I would just nurse in front of them but thats me. In public like a restaurant....there only is the bathroom and a waiting room. Ask your husband where he thinks you should go in that situation. If the answer is waiting room then my guess is HE has a problem when your friends and family possibly seeing your breast or something.
I know he has issues with people seeing my breasts due to past issues in our relationship but I've tried to explain that the context is completely different. Nursing a baby is so not the equal of me being a slut. And he goes on about the "perverts" seeing my boobs. I can see where he's coming from but I think he's just over-reacting on a grand scale.

I've nursed in bathrooms before so I know I can do it again, I just didn't like it. I just wasn't sure if there were other places besides bathrooms and fitting rooms that one could go. We don't have a "waiting room" in the restaurants around here. (Than again, maybe it's 'cause we got to mom and pop places to eat)

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenjenl18 View Post
At target or something I have done it in the fitting rooms (if I'm there), back table of eating area, rocker in baby section. I nurse all the time in front of my FIL and MIL never nursed hers, he has no problems with it I think cause in the beginning (when my breasts were MELONS and it was hard not to expose myself) he was over our house and I just said, "I'm gonna bf DS now but don't feel like you need to leave cause I could care less." And I think that set the tone KWIM?
My only concern is that your missing out on social interactions. Are you planning on having and nursing another child? If so thats 3yrs min. of being a recluse. Do you really want that? And when your DD is older and you have to explain to her that you have to go hide to nurse her lil brother/sister, what will you say and will it make her maybe have an aversion to nursing her own children in the future?? I know those questions may seem far off but really I think they are important to think about.
My DH tells me he thinks that when my DS can ask for it hes too old to nurse anymore. Well my DS is 10mos old and not eating solids and no where near weaning (neither am I) and he pretty much asks for it now. I tell him "do you think DS can just go from nursing every 2-3hrs to nothing...that'd be traumatic...he doesn't look at it as a boob. To him its simply milk and mommy and your a pervert if you read into it anymore" End of convo.
GL momma. I hope you have the strength to stand up to your DH bc I think these are more his issues than that of you being insensitive to others or others having issues about NIP.
We do plan on TTC when she's around 2 and a half to put approx. 3y between herself and any potential siblings and yes, barring any acts of God that prevent me from nursing, I will be nursing again when/if we have that next child. It's not my favorite plan to leave the room or just not go out while she's nursing but I don't see where I have a whole lot in the way of choice since my feeding choice is insensitive to others.

What will I say to her when she asks why I leave the room to nurse her little brother or sister? I'm guessing something along the lines of "Some people are not comfortable with me not using a bottle to feed DC2 so I go to another room so that I'm not being insensitive to their feelings and am being respectful of what they feel." I don't know if that answer would make her averse to nursing her own child one day. I pray not but it's not something that I can control.
post #24 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turkish Kate View Post
Your husband is the problem, not you or your friends or family. Your husband should grow a pair and stand up for his wife and child. Rather than telling you that you need to be sensitive to the feelings of others, he should start being a little more sensitive to yours. Real men don't send their wives to hide in the bathroom to feed their babies. And you can tell him I said that, too. :P
:



Sorry. I don't hide to feed my child. Period. Someone else doesn't like it- that's their problem. They are welcome to go away or put a blanket over their head.

-Angela
post #25 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
Why? If people are so bothered, they should at least be able to tell you. I think your question should be, "Where are some out of the way places I can tell other people to go to if they don't like me breastfeeding my baby in public?" I would mention "hell" as an answer to this question, but that might be too confrontational for you.
From what my DH said, they were too afraid to hurt my feelings as I tend to feel rather deeply and "over-react" to something that's not meant as hurtful. So in the interest of being more sensitive to people around me, I'm trying to find where I can nurse her w/o them seeing any unintentional boob.
post #26 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
I agree with the PP - this is your husband's problem. He needs to deal with it and not treat you like a child. I'm not sre why you're taking his word that what you're doing is rude - what do you mean about your filter between you mind and mouth not working? It's not your job to always make other people comfortable.
I tend to say or do what ever comes to mind. No real tact filter as it were. If I think it, it's coming out of my mouth or I'm doing it.
post #27 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by _betsy_ View Post
Your DH's comfort level should not necessarily be the guiding factor here. If you are comfortable, then you nurse wherever you are, however you'd like. There's no reason to hide.
what she said.

You're DH is a perfectly wonderful man, I'm sure because you married him and had a baby with him, but he seems to have some stuff that he needs your help to work on. You wouldn't be asking where to bottle feed your baby, if his maturity and comfort levels were the only concern, would you? Talk gently to him and help him to be your advocate and an advocate for BF being right, natural acceptable and normal. Boobies are not only for men to fondle and oogle!
post #28 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
From what my DH said, they were too afraid to hurt my feelings as I tend to feel rather deeply and "over-react" to something that's not meant as hurtful. So in the interest of being more sensitive to people around me, I'm trying to find where I can nurse her w/o them seeing any unintentional boob.
Why can't the people around you be more sensative to YOU? Seeing skin never killed anyone.
post #29 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchyconmomma View Post
what she said.

You're DH is a perfectly wonderful man, I'm sure because you married him and had a baby with him, but he seems to have some stuff that he needs your help to work on. You wouldn't be asking where to bottle feed your baby, if his maturity and comfort levels were the only concern, would you? Talk gently to him and help him to be your advocate and an advocate for BF being right, natural acceptable and normal. Boobies are not only for men to fondle and oogle!
No, I wouldn't because he's perfectly comfortable with bottles and he'd be thrilled to be able to feed her using a bottle.

I feel a bit at a dead end because I've tried to talk to him and let him know that boobs are not just sex objects, they're natural food for baby and he's protective and wants to keep me and all my parts for him and not let others see them.

If I had concrete numbers or something, this wouldn't be such a battle since he's very into things that can be proven w/o a shadow of a doubt, etc. I tried the "it's normal" tact but was rebuffed w/"it's not normal for everyone. you need to realize that." So I'm rather at my wit's end.
post #30 of 121
I do tend to remove ourselves from the main activity now that Bigfella is over 2. Part of that is my conscious decision to start gently weaning him. We no longer nurse in the middle of the fun because I want him to make a choice between nursing and having fun with the activity we were engaged in.

We will nurse away from friends/family, but still in public. At a basketball game, for example, we will go into an isolated area of the stadium and nurse there, so I can still see the game, but he is not hanging out with our friends. Or, he and I will go into the area of a restaurant where the payphones are. Or go sit in the stacks of the library--not the middle of the children's room. Yesterday, we were at the book festival, and when he asked for na-na, we went upstairs to the sofas outside an office in the building and nursed there.

Personally, i wouldn't change my nursing habits to make others more comfortable, but if the negative comments were bad enough, I would change my habits to protect myself and my child from all that bad mojo. Covering yourself up won't be enough for those people, since what makes them uncomfortable is nursing itself, not the flash of your breast.
post #31 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
No, I wouldn't because he's perfectly comfortable with bottles and he'd be thrilled to be able to feed her using a bottle.

I feel a bit at a dead end because I've tried to talk to him and let him know that boobs are not just sex objects, they're natural food for baby and he's protective and wants to keep me and all my parts for him and not let others see them.

If I had concrete numbers or something, this wouldn't be such a battle since he's very into things that can be proven w/o a shadow of a doubt, etc. I tried the "it's normal" tact but was rebuffed w/"it's not normal for everyone. you need to realize that." So I'm rather at my wit's end.
Honestly, I wouldn't even discuss it anymore. He isn't being fair. I'd tell him too bad & feed my baby.
post #32 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by spedteacher30 View Post
Personally, i wouldn't change my nursing habits to make others more comfortable, but if the negative comments were bad enough, I would change my habits to protect myself and my child from all that bad mojo. Covering yourself up won't be enough for those people, since what makes them uncomfortable is nursing itself, not the flash of your breast.
I'd thought of wearing an oversize sweatshirt over my shirts constantly to somehow reduce accidental boob but wasn't sure if it would work. It's not that I want to change my habits, its more in the line of I'm going to have to if I want to keep this from going any farther than it has.
post #33 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmzbm View Post
Honestly, I wouldn't even discuss it anymore. He isn't being fair. I'd tell him too bad & feed my baby.
I have no intention of stopping feeding my child, just changing where I do it so people won't see. Thus asking where one could do it in public w/o being seen.
post #34 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
Why? If people are so bothered, they should at least be able to tell you. I think your question should be, "Where are some out of the way places I can tell other people to go to if they don't like me breastfeeding my baby in public?" I would mention "hell" as an answer to this question, but that might be too confrontational for you.


-Angela
post #35 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
I have no intention of stopping feeding my child, just changing where I do it so people won't see. Thus asking where one could do it in public w/o being seen.
Why?

I honestly don't understand why you are even entertaining his absurd requests?

Why are you not telling him to get over himself and bugger off?

'Cause if it were my husband making such absurd requests and comments that's the nicest he could expect.

-Angela
post #36 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
Why?

I honestly don't understand why you are even entertaining his absurd requests?

Why are you not telling him to get over himself and bugger off?

'Cause if it were my husband making such absurd requests and comments that's the nicest he could expect.

-Angela
Because I'm offending people in my circle by NIP even though I hadn't intended to. And since I'm the offender, I need to find places where I can continue to feed my daughter when we're out in public but not be seen while doing it since what I'm doing is insensitive to others.

I've tried to tell him before to get over himself but he's not budging. We've got a marriage of give and take and so I'm giving since this is not something I'm going to win. I know when I've lost and so I'm trying to lose w/some grace by being proactive about finding places to nurse in private when in a public place.
post #37 of 121
Your husband has some serious control issues. What astounds me most is that in post after to post you're defending them and accepting his totally inappropriate opinion that you're the problem. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. How others feel is not the problem. Your husband has issues. You should feed your child wherever or however you choose. You can do it standing on your head if you want. Doesn't matter. Your baby needs to eat.

And hiding out from others most certainly will decrease the likelihood that she or others around you will choose to nurse their own children.
post #38 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
I have no intention of stopping feeding my child, just changing where I do it so people won't see. Thus asking where one could do it in public w/o being seen.
I guess what I don't understand is why it's important for people not to see. I want people to see, normalizes things. I understand & support moms who are UNcomfortable NIPping, that's valid and fine. But you are being bullied by your DH. Tell him to stuff it. Why isn't he bending over backwards like this to make you comfortable? He could start by telling off anyone who stares or gives you issue...instead he comes down on you? That wouldn never fly with me. People are only trying to encourage you to not give in to his absurdity, that IS what it is.
post #39 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
Because I'm offending people in my circle by NIP even though I hadn't intended to. And since I'm the offender, I need to find places where I can continue to feed my daughter when we're out in public but not be seen while doing it since what I'm doing is insensitive to others.

I've tried to tell him before to get over himself but he's not budging. We've got a marriage of give and take and so I'm giving since this is not something I'm going to win. I know when I've lost and so I'm trying to lose w/some grace by being proactive about finding places to nurse in private when in a public place.
This is ludicrous. This is not a mutual issue. This is his problem. He should solve it. Compromise is not an option.
post #40 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
Because I'm offending people in my circle by NIP even though I hadn't intended to.
WHO CARES?! They could be seen as offensive from YOUR viewpoint. And your DH sounds like he needs mental help, sorry.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Breastfeeding
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Breastfeeding › Spots to go nurse when out in public.