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How committed are you to CLW vs. just 'extra extended' nursing? - Page 2

post #21 of 91
I'm having this same problem... I don't mind if she nurses longer but her latch is horrible... think teeth resting in top of nipple. We've been trying to change it for some time. A little part of me wants the rest for the nipples before the next babe comes and a little bit I'm felling touched out and done.

She's only been nursing morning and night and the odd other time for awhile now. And for the last little while it's been only one of the two morning or night. More recently it's been maybe one out of three or four of her regular nursing times.

We just got another follow up blood test done on her allergies. They had gone down a significant amount in August and suddenly they are back up. I don't eat peanuts for my DD and this next babe, and I don't eat an abundance of egg but I know it's in stuff I eat. It was never a problem before and now it seems it is again. So I think this is playing into the weaning. She doesn't need the fat from the milk anymore so we can give her straight rice milk if she does want milk. She's usually just a straight up water kid.

But I know she needs that bonding time too. She's been sick lately and really cuddly. I would love to CLW but between the pain and the allergies it's seeming more like a both led wean... I'm distracting some of the time and limiting other times. She's quite content to nurse for 2 minutes on one side and a minute on the other. I can't fully say no more, I don't think that's fair to her. But she is slowly stopping and for me I know I'm getting touched out and am thinking ahead to the new babe. If she still nurses once in awhile it will be ok but I'm finally at some peace at gently leading her towards weaning.
post #22 of 91
Ok, my issue with CLW (although, I love it in theory) is that I HATE tandem nursing. I really really hate it. I'm surprised, because I expected it to be a beautiful experience. Creepy-crawlies, big time. I thought it was bad while I was at the end of my pregnancy, but the first three months were complete h-e-double hockey sticks. It was horrible. I don't ever want to do that again, even though I'm still doing it. I can't see triandem nursing (um... I'm on pregnancy freak out mode, right now, hoping for AF, finger's crossed). I know I will keep going with my younger nursling (even though I'm hoping he'll want to wean before a baby's born), but my older nursling will have to stop if I'm pregnant. For my sanity. It's a horrible horrible thing, but I don't like the way I reacted to my daughter when I started tandeming and I honestly think it was detrimental to our relationship. Please don't flame me for this.

That said, (and assuming I'm NOT pregnant) we're hoping to not get pregnant again until they're both weaned - on their own, so hopefully this will not be an issue.
post #23 of 91
I think child led weaning is a wonderful thing but I certainly didn't take every step in the book to make sure my kid nursed for 3 years or more. I chose to get pregnant shortly after Henri turned 1, even though I knew that the loss of milk supply could make him lose interest and that's what happened. But that was my decision to make and we made it through most of the pregnancy. I'm open to letting him nurse again if he ever shows interest, but it isn't the end of the world if he doesn't.
post #24 of 91
I haven't read all the replies, but I honestly wouldn't borrow trouble by wondering how you might feel about weaning if your dd doesn't initiate weaning in a year. That year between 4-1/2 and 5-1/2 is such a huge one in terms of maturity. Honestly, at 4-1/2 I couldn't imagine my dd voluntarily giving up nursing (why should she) but she was weaned by 5-1/2. Things may change more than you can imagine in the next year, so try not to fret too much!

I wouldn't describe myself as hard-core CLW, but I am deeply committed to meeting all my children's needs with love and gentleness. And that they really get to nurse until they've outgrown the need. My two children have taught me that this path is very personal to each mama-child pair, so just try and trust your heart about how to handle this.
post #25 of 91
thismama, I think you will know what to do when the time is right I couldn't imagine nursing my dd or my ds as long as I have. Ben doesn't seem to want to give it up, even tho he nurses just a couple times a day. So, yk, what's the big deal? He is happy and healthy. Ellie slowly weaned so I expect Ben will do the same. I really loved tandem nursing, I hope it is a positive experience for you too
post #26 of 91
Originally Posted by MilkTrance View Post
*pokes head in*

Hi... I have a question...

If your milk supposedly changes per baby's needs, how on earth does your body know how to tandem nurse? If you nurse a 4 year old AND you have a newborn, does the newborn's needs "win", and your 4 year old gets "newborn milk"?

Or does your body keep producing toddler/child milk?

Just wondering whether that's a factor.
There is feedback from the saliva of the child and that is how the milk changes depending on the child. It is also how it changes between each nursing session and how it knows which antibodies to produce.
post #27 of 91
We practice natural weaning. I've been nursing for over 9 years...since my first was born in Dec of 1998! He naturally weaned on his fifth birthday (he plans things ... but it was totally up to him and that's when he decided to wean). My second weaned a few weeks before his 7th birthday. I'm currently nursing my 5.5 year old dd, my 2.5 year old ds and my 6.5 week old dd. This is the third time I've triandem nursed.

The thing is ... I started out "giving breastfeeding a try" to appease my dh (son of a LLL Leader!) and planned on initiating weaning at 3-6 months (weaning to formula). Now I can't imagine forcing my child to wean before he or she is ready. It's amazing how one's perceptions can change with time and experience!
post #28 of 91
Originally Posted by rmzbm View Post
My nursling is only 2 but she may nurse as long as she wishes, no limits.
exactly that for us! DS is two and it's his call. DD is 1 month and it's her call.
post #29 of 91
my lo is only 5 months but i love nursing him and i definitly plan to do clw. i hope he will nurse for a long time and i hope i will keep loving breast feeding for a long time
post #30 of 91
My dd1 weaned a little before 2 1/2 on her own with some gentle encouragement from me. By that point, we only really nursed at home unless she was hurt or something. She had already night-weaned(that I did actively do, I have bad teeth and it was important to me that she start developing good dental habits early.) If I sensed she was asking to nurse because she was bored or wanted my attention, I would suggest reading a book together or some other activity. I would always nurse if she said no, or really wanted to. But slowly she stopped asking to. I did not care much for nursing her at this point, she was a rude little nurser, but I haven't placed any artifical time frames on dd2 as a result. Every child is different, after all, and I have seen some really polite 3+yr old nursers. I can say that when I look and talk to my almost 4yr old dd1, I can't imagine nursing her. She seems like such a grown up kid! Dd2 seems like she needs me a little more already than dd1 ever did, so I imagine that our nursing relationship will continue longer than my first.
post #31 of 91
Back with more thoughts...I totally understand and respect the fact that it feels weird for you to nurse an older child. My 2.5yo knows what "milky" is even though he hasn't breastfed since he was a baby. I've reluctantly let him "nurse" ( but what it really is is him putting his mouth on my boob and giggling) and it REALLY creeps me out! I was so surprised by my reaction to this because in essence I see nothing out of the ordinary about a toddler nursing. Maybe I wouldn't be so weirded out by it if he had been nursing all this time and it was a part of daily life. I've really given some thought to why I had the reaction I did. I think you hit the nail on the head about nursing an older child feeling*culturally* weird. While its great if you can overcome cultural conditioning, I think a large enough part of that is so deeply embedded that you may never be able to escape it, and you shouldn't be hard on yourself if that's the case.
post #32 of 91
I think I'll say I'm still totally committed to CLW. My daughter will be 5 in July. In the past six months or so I've had the experience of "wow, she's really a big kid, I'm starting to feel a little weird." Not all the time, certainly, but, more frequently. (Believe me, I have no problem with other people nursing until whenever.)

The thing is, part of following my daughter's lead in the past several months has been recognizing that she needs me to set more limits. She can't stand saying no to nursing and wants me to help her not nurse. It's a very personal and intimate, delicate balance. I'm the only one who can understand this fully, if that makes sense. Especially since the timing of my wanting to be done nursing has come at the same time I've realized she needs my help stopping.

But, no, I have no set limit. I'll nurse her as long as she needs.

I have realized that lately she's definitely skipped full days of nursing. Nursing to sleep and as much as I'll let her at night, still, but she's definitely winding down.

post #33 of 91
Since we are not planning any other children and my youngest is 6.5 (and weaned) I'm not sure my input really "counts" anymore.

I did not have a specific limit in my mind. That said, I had a fairly strict definition of CLW so don't consider myself to have CLWnd DD, *maybe* DS, though.

Personally, I think that anyone who is CLW supportive is welcome here. If you want advice on how to wean, BBI is a better fit. If you just want to feel supported here is a great place. There are many different views of what CLW is and generally the posters really support each person finding their own way/comfort level.
post #34 of 91
don't think about it as an age limit, thismama, think about as an age goal. "wow, i got them to 3, can i get them to 4. i got them to 4, can i get them to 5". that's a wonderful thing to nurse your dd 4.5 yr's, another 18mos is just a third of that time!
it is hardest with the first because each day is new territory. but they do wean...they really do. just trust it will happen when they're ready. and don't think of age limits
i look down at my 3rd nursling who is already 4 and i think oh yeah, she's 4. Maybe she's only halfway done, but maybe not. Who knows? You will get there and when you reflect back on your time it will be with a huge smile

Good luck to you in this last month of pregnancy while nursing. To me that's was hardest part of nursing. After your baby is born and your milk comes in will have plenty for the two!
post #35 of 91
I don't have a cut off age, I don't really even think about it. My ds1 weaned when he was 4 yrs 10 mths because my milk dried up due to pregnancy and he just wasn't interested in bf'ing w/ no milk. I was relieved and sad when he decided to wean. Relieved because it really hurt and I was super sick but sad because I wanted him to decide he was done because he was just done not because I had no milk. Also sad because it was an end to a very special and wonderful part of our relationship but that sadness would have been there no matter why he weaned. But that said I had no issues nursing him at that age and planned on tandem nursing if he wanted to. It's such a gradual process.

I plan on my ds2 weaning himself too. I would try to discourage weaning before the age of 2 though.
post #36 of 91
I think every year is an achievement. That being said when ds and I are ready to throw in the towel we will. It has to work for both of you. You will know when you are ready. I find that my dh is probably going to have the most difficulty when it comes to weaning.. I think he likes BF more than ds and I. I want to say I will CLW but who knows what my circumstances will be weeks,months or years down the road. I do have a two year min goal: only 6 more months to that.
post #37 of 91
I am kinda in a reverse scenario where I am worried that she will wean due to an extended separation with myself.

I have a trip planned for the first part of June for about 10 days and due to the nature of the trip (way, way back in the bush in the Mountains), I won't be able to express regularly enough to keep my supply going.

Dd#2 is only 19 months and shows no sign of slowing down and I am afraid that this absense will be the hiccup that forces weaning. What if she doesn't want to nurse after I get back?
post #38 of 91
Thread Starter 
Is every year an achievement? Is this CLW? I see this as more mama-promoted nursing, no? Why have an age goal? I don't get that. I mean sure, maybe at 2 or 3. But we've passed 2, 3, and 4 and I'm staring down 5 and 6. These ages are not goals for me. It's not that I'm having a hard time with nursing or feel at the end of my rope etc, but that I wonder when the limit is. Yk? When a child is not CL*W*ing, and they are getting bigger, where is the limit (if there is one), for myself and others is what I was wondering about. The pep talk about transforming limits into goals kind of rubs me the wrong way. It's like 'turn that frown upside down!' or something, I mean if you want to have a goal that's fine but not what I was asking about.
post #39 of 91
I've never made it to the point/age with nursing (after I decided to CLW with my second I weaned my 1st a 3 yrs and a few months) that I started to ask myself this question. I honestly don't know if I have a cut off age, I don't think so but I've not bf'ed a 5yr old , 6 yr old ect.
post #40 of 91
100% committed. The way I see it, I've made it this far, how much worse could a few more months by? Plus he's still so little and still needs it!

fwiw, you may well see a dramatic downturn in nursing in the next year (or may not). My nurseling was still what many would consider a 'good' newborn at 4 (you know, 8-10 times a day ) but by now (5 1/3) he's once a day most days, if that. Sometimes twice, but sometimes none too. I'm sure he'll still be nursing at 6, but it's not quite the same then (for most kids at least) as at 3 and 4.
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