My situation seems "different" to me, only because (I think) that I have a preconceived notion of what "regular" women must go through and my situation is entirely different from that vision LOL.
So, here's my (very abbreviated) story.
All my life I've been attracted to women, had sexual fantasies about women from the time I was a young girl and sexual dreams about women. Being the intelligent, together woman I am, I just assumed everyone did that ROTFL. DUH.
All my life, I've been very involved in the gay community, partly because I worked in museums (where a LOT of gay folks work) and partly because I just seemed to have more in common with gay men and lesbian women than with het folk. Never thought that was "odd" either. The joke with all of my friends has always been that if we were going out, no matter where, if there was a lesbian within five miles, she'd find me and come talk to me. Ha ha ha... so funny. I found it cute and sweet that those poor women were attracted to me- an obviously straight woman- simply because I was cute and came across as "strong". Mmmm hmmm...
Fast forward to the past five years. The dreams and fantasies are getting more prevalent. I start to think about it and talk to friends and realize that I *am* attracted to some women... eventually I decided that I wanted to "try it out". All along in this process, my dh has known where I am, etc. I told him from the beginning that I was attracted to women, etc. and when I decided I might like to actually be involved with a woman, I told him that, too. At the time he wanted to hand pick a partner for me and I explained that that wasn't how it worked LOL. I think he was thinking "Oooh yeah, every man's fantasy! I get to watch!" So, we dropped it.
Fast forward to last summer. I met a woman at church with whom I just "clicked". So much so that my dh knew before I did that I was head over heels in love with her.
At first he was really angry, then hurt, then angry some more. I told him in Dec. that I wanted to date her and at first he said that was fine, that he understood, but about a week later he came unglued. The next few months were tense to say the least. Currently, dh knows that the only way we can stay married is if she is included in my life. I don't talk about her to him and I don't give him details. It's a sort of "don't ask/don't tell" scenario.
Throughout, this has seemed like the most natural thing in the world to me. Yeah, from time to time I've had panic attacks about social expectations, etc. but I realize that is MY stuff. I have only come out to a few people, people I know will accept me and not give me a hard time. DH outed me to his family, which is awkward, but they live in FL so I don't have to see them LOL.
Other than trying not to freak my kids out (7 and 4, so mostly from the "someone is stealing mommy from daddy" kind of freak outs is what I'm talking about) I am content and really happy with my life at the moment. Do I wish I could see my gf more often? Do I wish I could talk about her without hurting my dh? Do I wish I could go off on vacations with her without having to lie about it? YOU BET. Am I ashamed of who I am? No way. Do I feel marginalized or villified? Nope... anyone who tries that crap gets a quick lesson in "that's YOUR baggage" from me ;-)
I'm not sure this is what you were looking for, but, I hope it helped. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk
(though, I'm leaving tomorrow for a three day trip, so if I don't respond til Mon or Tues, that's why!)