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People recommending abortion in a wanted pg?? *letter in post 69* - Page 3

post #41 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnMama View Post
Anyone want to help me formulate what to say or write to her? I'm not so good at confrontational type things!
"Dear Teacher,

I was too shocked and distressed by your words this morning to formulate a coherent response at the time. But now that I have had all day to reflect on our conversation, I want to let you know how thoroughly unprofessional, cruel, and lacking in human feeling your words were."

Who wants to take on the next paragraph?
post #42 of 95
Wow, wow, wow. I don't know what else to say. I probably would've called her something just as equally inappropriate compared to what she said and pulled my child out of her class IMMEDIATELY. Definitely report her.

Also sending a : your way, mama. My MIL made some totally inappropriate and cruel remarks when DH and I found out we were expecting DS (unexpected PG) and over 5 years later, mine and MIL's relationship is still very strained. No one has the right to say such mean and horrible things to a pregnant woman. Every baby is a blessing, no matter the circumstances.
post #43 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by diamond lil View Post
What she said to you is BEYOND rude, BEYOND cold, BEYOND unkind. I'd complain to her superior about it. It is none of her business and very unprofessional. I think she should be sh!tcanned for it. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this negativity in your life right now.
:
There is something seriously wrong with that woman.
post #44 of 95
Just adding to the ranks of people saying-- that is totally inappropriate. If she were a random stranger, I'd say "take a deep breath and let it go."
But this lady is your child's teacher!??!!
She definately needs to be reported, confronted, and (if it were me) I would pull my dd out of the class until I had some serious resolution on personal and professional counts.

post #45 of 95
I am still trying to wrap my head around thinking that having a sibling would be detrimental...

Some people just don't have any tact, she sounds like one of those people. I am sure she didn't even realize how crass and hurtful she was being. I would ask to speak to her the next time you see her and explain to her that her comments were very hurtful and made you very uncomfortable. I'm willing to bet she is mortified. People do and say dumb things all the time without really thinking about it, I hope this is one of those cases and she isn't THAT mean.

If she doesn't feel bad, THEN you can knock her out
post #46 of 95
I guess I am still not getting the part of what would be so detrimental.
Is she worried about the fact that you wouldn't be able to afford her school? And that would be a reason to abort your child? So you can keep paying her?
post #47 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
"Dear Teacher,

I was too shocked and distressed by your words this morning to formulate a coherent response at the time. But now that I have had all day to reflect on our conversation, I want to let you know how thoroughly unprofessional, cruel, and lacking in human feeling your words were."

Who wants to take on the next paragraph?
"I strongly suggest that, in the future, if a woman tells you she is expecting a baby the first words out of your mouth are "Congratulations! How wonderful!" To imply otherwise is not only beyond rude but also incredibly hurtful. "

how i would close the letter i have no idea but seriously what an elitist bunch of bull caca! gag!
i'm so sorry!
and : to the peanut!
post #48 of 95
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
I guess I am still not getting the part of what would be so detrimental.
Is she worried about the fact that you wouldn't be able to afford her school? And that would be a reason to abort your child? So you can keep paying her?

No, DD is going into 1st grade , so she wouldn't be going there anyway. I think the reason she said that is because DH and I are now seriously considering public school instead of me homeschooling her.
As much as I want to do it the way that I think is best (schooling DD, that is), I just don't know that I would be able to handle a newborn, toddler and 4 y/o while trying to homeschool her.

It's not that she's a difficult child, quite the opposite, but it's just a lot of work no matter what!

I just don't want to so totally overwhelm myself that I sink into serious PPD, you know?
post #49 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnMama View Post
No, DD is going into 1st grade , so she wouldn't be going there anyway. I think the reason she said that is because DH and I are now seriously considering public school instead of me homeschooling her.
As much as I want to do it the way that I think is best (schooling DD, that is), I just don't know that I would be able to handle a newborn, toddler and 4 y/o while trying to homeschool her.

It's not that she's a difficult child, quite the opposite, but it's just a lot of work no matter what!

I just don't want to so totally overwhelm myself that I sink into serious PPD, you know?
Public school isn't the end of the world, especially since your daughter obviously has active, loving parents and that's the biggest key to success for any education. It makes me so angry that a teacher, someone who presumably cared about children enough to make them a major part of her life, could even think like this.
post #50 of 95
Oh it really blows my mind when people say something like that to a pregnant woman. I've had it done to me too. One of my closest friends told me that she "knew of a place that could fix that" when I told her I was pregnant. Needless to say we aren't as close.

I wouldn't want a woman like that "teaching" my child. What ideals is she going to pass on to your child? Is she going to casually mention to your kid how detrimental a new sibling will be?
post #51 of 95
This woman has chosen as a vocation to devote her life to children yet she sure doesnt seem to value them!

Public school isnt the end of the world, my oldest child had the greatest k teacher ever!

I was stressed with my last pg. thinking I could not hs dd (preschool) but she pretty much taught herself to count, shapes, colors, all that. Now she can recite the alphabet and is starting to recognize several letters and ask about the sounds they make. None of that is my doing. Seriously, I was so exhausted I feel like I just sat like a lump the entire pregnancy!!

I use to think homeschooling would be hard too until I learned about things like child directed learning and unchooling. Yes, at first to my public schooled self, unschooling sounded like a fancy way to say (cover up) doing nothing. But it aint so! I highly reccomened reading a few books by John Holt and John Taylor Gatto or the The Unschooling Handbook by Mary Griffith. Or heck, just slide on over to learing at home and beyond and click on the unschooling subforum. NOt saying thats what you SHOULD do, just another option to consider in additon to public school or school at home type homeschool. Ive been amazed at what my kids have taught themselves. Also, Ive come to realize that it doesnt matter one whit WHEN they learn things, just that they do. So if they learn about the mayflower at age eight instead of six.....so? When I was looking at curriculums to do school at home stuff, I found that many grades overlap (example; seventh grade curriculum is almost identical to sixth, very little new material) so many homeschoolers skip several grades due to this. (meaning getting a late start at seven instead of six would really be no big deal). just something to consider. What Im saying is its not the end of the world to ps or hs or us or wait entirely for another year. Really, the age to start "school" is pretty arbitrary anyway.
post #52 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by diamond lil View Post
What she said to you is BEYOND rude, BEYOND cold, BEYOND unkind. I'd complain to her superior about it. It is none of her business and very unprofessional. I think she should be sh!tcanned for it. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this negativity in your life right now.
:
post #53 of 95
[quote=diamond lil;10915692]What she said to you is BEYOND rude, BEYOND cold, BEYOND unkind. I'd complain to her superior about it. It is none of her business and very unprofessional. I think she should be sh!tcanned for it. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this negativity in your life right now. [/quote


]: This baby was a surprize for us, shortly after we found out we were expecting, I got laid off, and hubby's license application got booted back- leaving us both basically with no income. No one has mentioned any thing like what that teacher did to us, because I would have pimp-slapped them.

OMFG! I would definitely write a letter to an administrator or someone at your school, that is COMPLETELY out of line.

Lots of to you, mama.
post #54 of 95
Just think, if she hadn't been horrible like this, you might've felt a bit of regret for taking your money away from her this year.
post #55 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
OMG!!!! That is so whacked. I would tell her women didn't fight for the right to abortion so we could be pressured into it. Holy crap. It's called CHOICE for reason... if there ain't nobody camping out in her uterus, she needs to bloody well STFU.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Congratulations. Dont' let the grind you down, mama!

: She was way out of line!!!!!

And Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #56 of 95
Quote:
Originally Posted by JEB20005 View Post

:

I'm absolutely shocked. If someone ever said something to me like that I think I'd lose it and yell at them.
post #57 of 95
Ok, so:

"Dear Teacher,

I was too shocked and distressed by your words this morning to formulate a coherent response at the time. But now that I have had all day to reflect on our conversation, I want you to know how thoroughly unprofessional, cruel, and lacking in human feeling your words were."

When I told you I was pregnant, you suggested that I get an abortion. This is not the first time you have made a comment like this about a parent at our school. Such comments are inappropriate and reveal a shocking lack of awareness of professional and personal boundaries.

The future of any pregnancy is and should be a topic of discussion between the woman, her partner and her health care provider. I strongly suggest that, in the future, if a woman tells you she is expecting a baby the first words out of your mouth are "Congratulations! How wonderful!" To imply otherwise is not only beyond rude but also incredibly hurtful."
post #58 of 95
I'd find an etiquette book that says "what should I say to someone who is pregnant?" "the only correct answer is CONGRATULATIONS", highlight that part, put a post-it flag sticking out of the book to mark it, gift wrap it, hand it to her, and shake the dust from my sandals discreetly on the way out. Surely there must be an etiquette author who has covered this? I wouldn't be able to get the idea across in my own words because they would be mostly four-letter.
post #59 of 95
OMG that is just so HORRIBLE of a person to say that!! I sure do hope you report her to her superiors and also give her a piece of your mind mama!!!
post #60 of 95
Thread Starter 
Ok, rough draft. Please feel free to critique..I'm not exactly sure how to close it either.


Quote:
Dear Teacher,

I was too shocked and distressed by your words yesterday morning to formulate a coherent response. Now that I have had time to reflect on our conversation, I want you to know how thoroughly unprofessional, cruel, and lacking in human feeling your words to me were.


When I told you I was pregnant, you suggested that I get an abortion. This is not the first time you have made a comment like this about a parent at our school.
I truly consider you a friend, but I would never expect even my closest friend to suggest such a thing without me communicating a need for input of that kind.
Comments of that nature are inappropriate and reveal a shocking lack of awareness of professional and personal boundaries.


DH and I obviously care very deeply about all of our children. We are still considering every one of our options, and regardless of what we end up choosing for DD's 1st grade education we will be very involved, making sure that she feels safe and confident.


I understand your personal feelings, but I don't believe that there is a woman alive here in the US that is not aware that abortion is available. It is not your job to remind anyone of that fact, especially a mother of one (or more) of your students.

The future of any pregnancy is, and should be, a topic of discussion between the woman, her partner and her health care provider. I strongly suggest that, in the future, if a woman tells you she is expecting a baby the first words out of your mouth are "Congratulations! How wonderful!" To imply otherwise is not only beyond rude but also incredibly hurtful.
Recalling more of the conversation(s), she told me that "I'm just going to be straight and lay it out there for you, it's my job!" , and then proceeded to say the bit about how we're going to damage DD. Um, ok...HOW is any of this your job???
She actually had the nerve to ask about our birth control use too. I looked her straight in the eye and said that we WERE using BC, nothing is 100% effective.

I shoulda just told her to mind her own business.
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