Modesty, Privacy...

[holothuroidea]

I'm not the most modest person in the world. I tend to walk around the hospital in the gown with my butt hanging out, for example.

However, I'm concerned about maintaining some level of modesty during my home birth. This is because of the possibility of Mom and MIL being in attendance. I'm under the impression that modesty is not something that you generally can control during the throes of labor, and I'm worried that I'll do something that I'm going to be embarrassed about later. I mean, a naked body is one thing, but a naked body with legs spread wide eagle for hours at a time... I don't know about that.

Does anyone else have similar feelings?

Any suggestions on how to maintain modesty?

[rari]

Well, the first thing I would say is that whatever you're doing during labor, it's not immodest. It's natural and normal and perfectly modest. Anyone who might be bothered by it probably shouldn't attend the birth--or, I would say, anyone that you would feel uncomfortable having around to see you in various forms of nakedness. I know that for me, all my inhibitions went flying out the window when I was in labor with my first daughter. I got out of the birth tub and the midwife peeled my swimsuit top off and I didn't even think about it until later. It didn't embarrass me to think about it, because it was a very natural thing at the time and everyone in the room understood that. Same goes for all the other things that happened during the labor and birth, including the spread eagle legs.

[Ladybyrd]

Originally Posted by holothuroidea

I'm under the impression that modesty is not something that you generally can control during the throes of labor,

Oh, I don't know. I am excessively modest. I had no problem maintaining my modesty during labor - but I have issues, so maintaining my modesty is necessary so I don't lose my sanity.

edited to add: I was also never spread-eagled or completely naked, so there ya go.

[delicious]

for me personally, i would avoid having people there that i could be uncomfortable around. could you call them once the baby is born?

[holothuroidea]

I really want people there. I feel like I could always just go in another room to get away if I need privacy, but if I need them and they're not there then there is nothing I can do.

I also feel like this is a family event, and the females of the family should not be turned away. They both really want to be there.

I'm not all that bashful with lady parts or anything. I guess I'm just anxious and would like to hear some advice about safe-guarding my privacy if I all of a sudden feel the need to. I would be much more anxious about them NOT being there, though.

Ladybyrd, what kind of cloths did you wear? I was thinking about a night gown but mine are all going to be too short by the time my belly is that big. It's also not real easy access for the first feeding.

Thanks for the kind responses!

[Ladybyrd]

DS was born in August, so I had a mini-sundress on. It went to about mid-thigh. The bodice was easily pushed to the side for nursing once he was born. It had spaghetti straps. Also, I squatted to deliver. The midwife tried to "help" me with guiding him to my breast, but I gave her a look & she backed off - you just deal with the placenta, I'll handle the nursing.

[sacredmama]

Yes, I was concerned about modesty, but when I was in labor and in my own little world, modesty went right out the window!

I feel that birth is such a sacred place that anyone that is there will be in that mystic vibe. You'll all be so connected and on the same wavelength. There is no way anyone could feel odd about you doing whatever you feel in any moment. So let loose and you will all have this amazing special bond from sharing this magical experience together!! :

[holothuroidea]

Originally Posted by sacredmama

Yes, I was concerned about modesty, but when I was in labor and in my own little world, modesty went right out the window!

I feel that birth is such a sacred place that anyone that is there will be in that mystic vibe. You'll all be so connected and on the same wavelength. There is no way anyone could feel odd about you doing whatever you feel in any moment. So let loose and you will all have this amazing special bond from sharing this magical experience together!! :

Awwwwwww!!!!

I really think you touched on something there. Now that I think on it, I'm much more worried about embarrassing the people there with my primal nakedness than embarrassing myself.

Maybe I should say to them before hand, "Look things are going to get pretty naked and graphic, if you don't think that's cool I won't be offended if you need to step out of the room." I think if I just talked to them about it I would feel a lot better.

Thanks so much for the insight!

[mommyshanti]

I wore a short nightgown had buttons on top so just unbuttoned that to breastfeed
still have the nightgown it was really pretty and my daughter wears it now
For me it wasn't like their was anyone their I was uncomfortable it just didn't even occur to me to get naked as I'm usually a cold person anyway haha
but I have seen now that alot of people like to be Free
so whatever works for you and what your comfortable with I think others will also be comfortable with that's why their at your HOMEBIRTH they're obviously free thinkers and love you.

[Mama Poot]

The last place I worry about modesty is in my own home. I had a freakin three ring circus of people with my first kid-that was a hospital birth. I'd invited pretty much every family member who was able and willing to make it, and I think there were at least ten of them plus hospital staff in the room. It was insanity. So just having my midwife and my MIL and mom at my homebirth was tame! I guess it just isn't something I think about, and they certainly didn't care that I was naked-they'd seen it all before.

[upnorthmama]

I had similar thoughts, mostly because I want photos of my birth. I want to be able to show the photos to people without them seeing all my bits. We are planning a waterbirth at home, so I intend to wear a black bathing suit top.

[aprilibarra]

honestly, for my first hb i invited a couple of people, and i thought it didn't bother me but its a time that i need to feel comfortable in my pain. my labor stopped completely. it wasn't he nakedness but i feel vulnerable and that's where i want to be cared for only by those i feel safest around. outside of that, in the throes, clothes are an unwelcome hindrance. rules are off when you're in labor.its whatever you want and its fine to ask for it.

[Belleweather]

I felt that waterbirth was fantastic for preserving my modesty and dealing with not wanting to have a whole room full of people staring at my crotch. Being in the water let me feel covered without having to worry about clothes or anything getting in the way and kept a comfortable distance between me and everyone else in the room.

[Funny Face]

If you want to maintain some modicum of modesty I would tell your hubby and midwife that you would like for them to protect your modesty during labor and provide as much privacy for you as possible.

Sarongs are great.

I like to remain modest for as much as possible as long as it isn't uncomfortable because I like to be able to share as many pictures/video as possible.

[1972momma]

What I remember about my last labor is feeling very self-conscious about my body and not feeling like I could do anything to shield myself. I was in the hospital, and mostly it was me, my husband and my doula, and usually our nurse, but I remember looking at my body under those awful lights and, yes, even in the throes of hard labor, feeling self-critical about my paleness, my cellulite, my swollen ankles, the hair on my arms ... it was like I was on drugs (which I wasn't), in that everything was oddly highlighted ...

ANYway, I guess what I'm saying is that you should take whatever steps are necessary to make yourself feel safe. I think you should discuss with your midwife, doula if you're having one, and definitely your husband, how you're feeling, and come up with a little phrase, maybe just the word "privacy," for when you're feeling watched. That way if you can't tell them to leave, someone else can. Also, maybe just tell them ahead of time that you may end up feeling a bit shy and needing privacy, and to please not be offended and just respect it if you ask for that. In this case it sounds like everyone is pretty reasonable and that a little communication ahead of time could go a long way later.

Good luck!

[ColwynsMommy]

I second the idea for a code word. Leave it up to someone else (husband, midwife, doula) to find a gentle way to ask people to leave.

I also think that you should be honest with the people you're inviting and tell them that there's no way to predict how you will feel in labor, and that if you're feeling the need for privacy, that they'll have to respect that. With my first, I gave my mom a whole spiel about how she needs to behave (mainly, be quiet during contractions) and that if she was bothering me at all, she'd have to leave. I was really firm about it and she surprised me by being on her best behavior. I'm worrying about it again for this baby, so I think I'll have to have another talk with her. I love my mom dearly but she gets on my nerves an awful lot.

[MCKH]

During the end of my labor (pushing) I needed to use the potty. I told everyone to "Get the hell out of the bathroom!!!!!!!" Honestly, they ran. I was not going to use the toilet in front of people!
No one is judging you during your labor, and yes, you will still have some semblance of sanity so as not to do or say something you'd really regret. And even if you do something "embarrassing" anyone who can't cut you a lot of slack shouldn't be there anyway.

A good idea to is to invite people to the birth with a caveat. "Right now I really want you to come to the birth, but since it can be unpredictable and I am not sure how I'll feel at that time, please don't be offended if I yell at you or want some privacy."

[roadfamily6now]

maybe a midthigh nightgown??

I dont think most people really care about your privates during pushing. they wont be staring until baby's head crowns anyway! LOL

[bellymama]

Originally Posted by holothuroidea

I'm not the most modest person in the world. I tend to walk around the hospital in the gown with my butt hanging out, for example.

However, I'm concerned about maintaining some level of modesty during my home birth. This is because of the possibility of Mom and MIL being in attendance. I'm under the impression that modesty is not something that you generally can control during the throes of labor, and I'm worried that I'll do something that I'm going to be embarrassed about later. I mean, a naked body is one thing, but a naked body with legs spread wide eagle for hours at a time... I don't know about that.

Does anyone else have similar feelings?

Any suggestions on how to maintain modesty?

i am SUPER modest and i HATE being naked in front of people. but when i had my son, i could have cared less. seriously. you can't stress about this.
and your legs shouldn't be spread eagle at all...you could squat, or stand.
this company
makes clothes for labor. i didn't use it, but maybe this will help?
your mom and MIL probably will be so stoked that you are having their grandbaby that they won't even notice when you poop while pushing
want to hear a funny story? when i was pushing, i felt something come out and i said: "is that the head?" and my midwife sort of smiled and said "no"....and wiped my ass for me...because it was crap coming out, not the head . i find this to be hilarious, not embarrasing.
good luck!

[Mommy2Ananzi]

Your post made me think of my last labor. I knew that my dad was going to be in the room when I was laboring/delivering, so before I headed out to the hospital I put on my sports bra because I knew there would be a chance of me being undressed at some point, and because it was comfortable. My dad was very active in the pushing stage and was actually on the bed holding my leg up. At some point I got very hot and tore my gown off and all I had on was my sports bra. I didn't care because I was no longer dying of heat and my dad didn't care because he was in labor coach land. I don't see being completely naked as immodest when it's during childbirth because all that matters is what makes you comfortable and they understand that. If they're uncomfortable with what you are or aren't wearing then they can leave. Just remember that when you are laboring and delivering the world around you is only about you and what makes you the most comfortable.