dh and his debit card - Page 2

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by marcimoose

w/ the checking acct. the balance is not accurate. (you know, it doesn't reflect outstanding things). that's a good idea about the savings. i usually 1/2 the mortgage payment into savings. i think i'll put it in a sub account that can't be viewed from the atm. then, the savings balance will look smaller. yuck. i've thought about moving his debit card to a different spot in his wallet. i've even thought about just yanking it out of there, but that's not how i want to live... yuck!!!

Nah. Just put a little magnet in there. :

[llamalluv]

What would happen if there were NO money in the checking account? Would it still overdraw?

Like, what if you were to pay all your bills from the banks online bill paying feature, so that the money was debited from your balance on payday (when your paychecks were direct deposited) and then you withdrew the rest as cash, and gave your husband his allowance?

If you had $0 in the checking account, would it still overdraw?

[marcimoose]

thanks so much for all your replies! some answers: our bank will overdraw when a debit card is used, can't turn it off. (isn't that sweet of them?).

yesterday, we paid my dh. (we own a business). i asked him if he'd be willing to try an experiement. i told him i'm taking everything but bills out of the bank in cash. (the envelope method). then i said that i would like for both of us to act as if we do not have debit cards. (i suggested leaving them at home, but he just grinned...). so, i told him there will be no extra money in the acct. i'll have some "mad" money in the kitchen from change that i get and any times we go under budget in an area. he promised that he liked the idea and was not just giving me lip service.

so, he got his cash "allowance" and he'll get extra this month if our tax return ever shows up. if and when he uses the debit card b/c he ran out of money, i'll probably tell him it's time for separate accts. one for bills and one for fun. since he likes to pilfer from the bills account. we'll see what happens.

trying not to be a control freak... moose

[daekini]

you may be married to me

i have the same problem as your dh - only since i control the finances, dh never knew about it til i fessed up...

it is very hard to have someone tell you you're doing something wrong, especially when you already know it...

so i like your "experiment" - very savvy, positive manipulation (not intended as a bad word - that's what i need people to do to me sometimes).

i wish you the best of luck. having "both" of you participate was a great idea.

[Halfasianmomma]

Yes, please let us know how your experiment went...I'm curious.

I just finished dealing with the same sort of issue with DH, except that he had *my* ATM card and was spending money in my savings account willy nilly on things "he needed" (i.e. beer, cigarettes, a coffee, movie/game rentals, last minute trips to the grocery store). He cost me over 50$ of miscellaneous bank fees and I had to borrow money to pay rent this month. : After a big blowout, I took the bank card back, we drew up a budget together that we're both happy with (giving us both a little fun money), and we're opening a joint account where we can put the spending cash. All bills/rent will be my business. I think we're going to put a daily withdrawal limit on the card to make sure the spending is controlled. I dunno how it's going to work but so far, DH seems happy with the arrangement.

[skai]

Originally Posted by ustasmom

Turn all the finances over to him. He can't live it until he lives it. He will learn.

Um, not always a good idea. I tried this with my ex when he had similar issues. Asked every now and then if the rent & bills are paid (but not often since it was supposed to be his responsibility). After a few months, my landlady called me and told me that if we don't pay what we own her (back rents), she will call the police. Turned out my ex had not paid the rent or bills in months and had been hiding our mail so I would not find out.

[Quaniliaz]

Originally Posted by ustasmom

Turn all the finances over to him. He can't live it until he lives it. He will learn.

This is what has worked for me. I think the hardest part is trying to figure out where the heck the money can come from in our budget (we use an "envelope" system for our checking acct) so when we overspend, I enlist dh's help in figuring out how we can account for the spending.

[MacKinnon]

My husband will not have anything to do with our finances or follow a budget, pay bills, live on cash, etc. either. He has run up his credit card three times, THREE times, accounting for a vast amount of debt. He has to use it to pay for alot of work expenses, money we don't have to take out in cash ($500 to $2000 a month) so I can't take it away, but he uses it for other things, as well as the debit card for little things. I have no suggestions, just empathy! Interested to see how things work with your experiment!