Wow...I could have written your post. I am also a strongly woman-identified bi woman in a long-term (married, with child) relationship with a man. I love my dh and I am certainly not planning on breaking up my family, but I definitely feel that isolation from the queer community. I hate passing. I hate the assumption of heterosexuality. When I see a lesbian mom at the park (this has happened, like, twice), it's all I can do not to run up and hurl myself at her feet and say, "Me too! Me too!"
I would love to connect with other queer women, but I don't really know how to do it. I have a bunch of gay friends, but all male (go figure).
I'm kinda thinking of seeing if dh wants to take dd to a Pride parade this year...but then I think I'd feel like a huge poser b/c I'd be there with my husband and kid (of course, I'd be sure to put her in an appropriate queer-friendly t-shirt
I saw a t-shirt on CafePress--"I'm not as straight as I look"--I feel like I need to get one and wear it all the time. Sigh.
Sorry, this is a little rambly and incoherent. But I hear you. Completely.
We should have an MDC bi mamas meet-up.
ETA: My complete agreement with you extends to your signature as well. Let me amend my previous statement: we should have a meet-up for grammar-obsessed bi mamas.