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I miss being (actively) queer... - Page 3

post #41 of 46
I can't think of any advice to give... but I am so sorry that you are having a hard time. I hope that you are able to find your way to a place where you feel more comfortable.
post #42 of 46
I came into this a bit late, and I havent read all the responses, but I just wanted to say that I fell you onehundred percent and send all the hugs in the world... I met my DH in 2005 after being out to family and friends as "a lesbian with straight tendencies" .. they all knew I really wasn't attrated to men, but pretty much was just keeping things open for experiences as I believe in loving a person not a gender.... but anyway, I was in college, active in the glbt organizations, spent many a night at the local drag bar (god how I miss my queens!!!) then I met hubby... who I might add is quite a bit quieter and more reserved than me... and things took a major shift... now I find myself with a son ( I never wanted to physically have kids, just adopt).. and am pretty mucha stay at home mom... It seems that although I was openly bi before the glbt community at my college just isn't very accepting that you can be bi and that means you can like men.. and maybe even marry one.. so many of my friends have dissapeared... Which leaves me pretty confused about what and where I am... I was always so proud of myself because i never really went through those awkward teen defining yourself periods.. I knew who I was and couldn't care less if other people liked it... Last August I was told I received a scholarship to go to europe for school for a year and was so excited... I thought I could take the time & figure out what I wanted to do with my life now... hubby had agreed to let me go & I was thrilled.... then I found out I was preggo... so that all went down the drain... now I'm trying to figure out how to reconstuct myself while still stuck in this little town.... but I'm gonna take it one step at a time... I'm going back to school in the fall & am taking night classes specifically so I can spend some of my days working in the glbto office as a counselor... and DS will be with me... maybe I can slowly work my way back into the life I had before, but modified to include that new something special in my life.... I love my hubby, and am so greatful to him for my son... but I really miss me...
post #43 of 46
Hey Viking, I hear you.

My situation is different from yours, I'm a lesbian but a single mom. So for alot of time, well almost always, I "Pass" unless I say something.

When I became a parent, I was in Los Angeles and facilitating a queer prospective parents group for the LA Gay & Lesbian Center's Family Services.

Now I live in a small town in Oregon and haven't even SEEN another queer person in 4 YEARS. It's crazy.

Luckily I am very happy being single, but geez, when I read something or see something on the news, I think "Wow, I used to be out. I used to be queer. I used to go to parties and meet interesting people and hang out with gay folk anytime I wanted to. Now I'm just a tired single mom and want to putt around in the garden and chill with a beer."
post #44 of 46

i thought i processed all of my invisibility issues aroud the time of my wedding, but...

In my recent round of Pregnancy Nightmares I had the unwelcome addition of Queer Invisibility due to Motherhood Nightmares.

I love my straight-identified SO, and I'm very happy to be starting a family with him, but despite all this there is some part of me that is deeply uncomfortable with this new level of not being as straight as I look.

I never meant to alienate/hide my queer self; it's just that being partnered with/starting a family with a straight man has led me to "pass" in ways I never would have dreamed of in earlier parts of my life. Obviously, there's no easy way to resolve this. I'd love to find one.

post #45 of 46
Sounds like you are not as alone in this as you may have thought.
post #46 of 46

i thought i processed all of my invisibility issues aroud the time of my wedding, but...

duplicate post, oops!
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