daughter refuses to wear deodorant - Page 2

[robertandenith]

Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri

Deoderants and antiperspirants are full of chemicals;

not all of them, I use the crystals one and even though it is NOT an antiperspirant it helps with the odor. Also wholefoods have a huge isle full of natural deodorants

I remember when I was teen, a classmate (girl) never wore deodorant until she got an anonymous letter from a group of friends (I knew they were sending the letter we discussed it all the time), it was a really nice letter suggesting her to wear 'something' because she smelled She was devastated and embarrassed, but that was the last day she smelled.

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by mia_jean

less psychologically scaring than putting on deodorant every day.

Wha ... ?

dm

[Aura_Kitten]

Oh yeah, two more suggestions from my corner:

1) my mom always used corn starch ... ... a light dusting under the 'pits and she was good to go!

and...

2) I have, with success, used a cotton ball loaded with tea tree oil ... doused my 'pits... and been stink-free (if a bit minty smelling!) for most of the day. It's worth a try if she'll go for it.

[holothuroidea]

I bought my own deodorant with my own money when I was 11 because I thought my mom wouldn't let me wear it.

I also started shaving my legs without "permission" at 14.

I was such a rebel. HAHA. Actually, my mom just never wanted to talk to me about that stuff, its funny looking back how FORBIDDEN I thought those things were.

Anyway, maybe in the bathroom everyone can have their own basket hanging on the wall, and in that basket is that persons brush, deodorant and toothpaste, etc. If it's public and obvious like that, maybe she'll feel less weird about it, and wearing deodorant can just be a normal thing that you do. If there are younger kids, their baskets can have lame stuff like bath toys or something that she wouldn't be interested in.

As far as the bra goes, I am SO SURPRISED! to see how many mom's are OK with their daughters not wearing bras! I would never allow for my daughter's nips to be all obvious for whatever boy/creepy old man felt like looking at them! NO WAY JOSE! Wear the bra, pleeeeeeeease wear the bra! Bras are not a "tool of the man" meant to "keep women's parts down," these days. (This is coming from a rampant NO UNDERPANTS advocate). Bras are necessary for maintaining modesty, and they prevent unwanted looks/ sexual attention.

I second the tight fitting under-shirt. I didn't need a bra until I was 15 years old (I was a "late bloomer"), I wore an undershirt to hide the nips until then.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I would let her go at her own pace. I do not wear bra's and I dont want dd to think she has to wear one so someone wont look at her. Perverts will be attracted to girls no matter what.

I will make sure she wears clothing were it isnt obvious she is bra free but I will never make her wear one.

[crunchymomofmany]

Hi! I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but I too, had a daughter who at 11 and 12 was opposed to the idea of growing up. She is almost 15 now. She wouldn't talk about bras, her period - anything. In fact, she hid getting her period from for at least 2 months...I started to notice that I was using more pads than I thought I was! We've always been close - and I've always been upfront and honest about sex, etc...so I was unsure where this need to hide it stemmed from.

Anyway, I stopped her in the hallway and paid her $5 (which was a lot to her then) to listen to me for 10 minutes on everything I could think relating to puberty. I ranted about tampons and deodorant (I use a natural, tea-tree oil deodorant), and leg shaving and you name it. Ever since, she has been much more willing to mention when she needs tampons or whatever.

I also have noticed through the years - with both the boys and girls - that if you go and buy the stuff first (I did this with my oldest son who had a terrible acne problem...he kept saying, no, I don't need any acne soap), but once I purchased it and just left it in the bathroom "for anyone who wants to try it" - I found he was using it every morning...and it was working (Which is always vindication for the mother of a teen!).

I would just buy a little "kit" of a deodorant you approve of; a fancy, "cool" shampoo, maybe a new tube of lipgloss and some "welcome to puberty" chocolates...place them in her room - and just say, "for whenever you're ready."

[Julep]

I HATE deodorant. It feels gooey and gross and it smells awful and makes my armpits itch. When I was a teenager I used to just rinsed my underarms with a washcloth in the sink several times a day during the summer. My mom yelled at me anyhow and told me I smelled like a "guinea pig's cage".

Now I use tea-tree oil deodorant which isn't too bad or just baking soda.

Oh, and I never wear a bra. I can't STAND them. They are soooo uncomfortable. They make me feel like I'm walking around incased in one of those metal scoliosis braces. It drove my mom nuts when I was a teenager (she still fusses at me about it). Now I just wear baggy T-shirts and hope my braless state doesn't drive the guys too wild .

[moondiapers]

Does she know that the odor is caused by bacteria? That's how my mom convinced me. Misting Listerine under your arms in the morning keeps you from stinking all day, and doesn't feel sticky or wierd.

[my2kidz]

You can replace her regular soap with a deodorant soap until she's ready, and she probably won't even know the difference. Dial makes one, Lever 2000, and a bunch of brands probably. This will help with the smell a little, provided she washes up good. And I think some of the natural solutions are a good idea also, although I've never tried them myself since I prefer deodorant, they sound very interesting and healthy.

[Freud]

Originally Posted by Aura_Kitten

2) I have, with success, used a cotton ball loaded with tea tree oil ... doused my 'pits... and been stink-free (if a bit minty smelling!) for most of the day. It's worth a try if she'll go for it.

I was just coming back to this thread to recommend tea tree oil. You could also put some in a little spray bottle mixed with water and she could just spray a few sprays and be good to go.

[choli]

Originally Posted by holothuroidea

As far as the bra goes, I am SO SURPRISED! to see how many mom's are OK with their daughters not wearing bras! I would never allow for my daughter's nips to be all obvious for whatever boy/creepy old man felt like looking at them! NO WAY JOSE! Wear the bra, pleeeeeeeease wear the bra! Bras are not a "tool of the man" meant to "keep women's parts down," these days. (This is coming from a rampant NO UNDERPANTS advocate). Bras are necessary for maintaining modesty, and they prevent unwanted looks/ sexual attention.

I second the tight fitting under-shirt. I didn't need a bra until I was 15 years old (I was a "late bloomer"), I wore an undershirt to hide the nips until then.

I don't consider nipples immodest. Actually, I don't consider any body part immodest. I went braless until my 30, in fact until I got pregnant the first time. I didn't give a rat's @ss if someone felt like looking at them - looking does not harm me.

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by choli

I don't consider nipples immodest. Actually, I don't consider any body part immodest. I went braless until my 30, in fact until I got pregnant the first time. I didn't give a rat's @ss if someone felt like looking at them - looking does not harm me.

:

This is right up there on my rant list with nipple stickers and those stupid bras with the "modesty petals". If a nipple is the part that determines modesty, I guess all those strippers with pasties are dressed suitably for meeting the Pope.


Now, back to the thread topic - I *DO* smell myself, even over the antiperspirant/deodorant that I wear, and I shower daily to keep on top of the odor and my oil production. Twice a day in the summer months. I never had a problem with wearing deodorant (I wanted it!) but my (2 years behind me) sister resisted for many reasons, but the main one was because she was lazy. She still doesn't shower daily.

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by llamalluv

:

This is right up there on my rant list with nipple stickers and those stupid bras with the "modesty petals". If a nipple is the part that determines modesty, I guess all those strippers with pasties are dressed suitably for meeting the Pope.

You should see the super-low-cut dress I once wore as a tourist in Vatican City. You can practically show your nipples to the Pope as long as your shoulders and knees are covered.

ETA: I wouldn't switch out her soap for deodorant soap. That stuff irritates some people's skin so much that she might stop bathing to avoid the rash.

[mswiginton]

I had a similar issue with both my DDs, who are now 11 and 13. I think we've finally reached the point where they are both using deodorant regularly, but it took time. I was surprised at their initial refusal to use it, because, when I was that age, I couldn't wait! (I guess I associated it with being grown-up.) Anyway, with my girls, I finally had to resort to some very frank conversations, i.e., "You stink. When you stink, no one wants to be around you. Kids will make fun of you. etc." I know it sounds harsh, but its the truth. In addition to the whole hygiene issue, I was trying to help them understand that if they decide to go against the norm, there will be some negative consequences. I'm not sure if I influenced them, or maybe they just reached that point of readiness on their own. Both girls have mentioned that some teachers at their school have given the "B.O. lecture" to the whole class more than once -- not sure how influential that was. It may have seemed more "real" to them coming from a teacher.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Something I wanted to mention about the bra is that from what I have noticed the training bra's dont even cover the nipple all it does is make a triangle "frame" with the nipple in the middle : and the girl is constantly having to pull it back down because there is nothing there to keep it from ridding up.

Back before there was anything called a bra I am sure people were not walking around gasping at all the nipples they were seeing or the natural breast. It is only in modern times that breasts have turned into things to hide and be so ashamed of we "have" to keep them covered.

Rant over back to your regularly schedualed thread.

[Daniel's Kitty]

I got to pick out my own deodorant and I loved it, I sat there in the aisle smelling all of them until I found one I liked. I was 12 or 13 then.

I wouldn't fight the bra too much, if you have an idea of what size she is just slip a few in her drawer that are really pretty and let that be. I only wear bras a lot now after nursing two kids, things just aren't the same.

[Scribe]

This is just a thought, but it's been my experience that the onset of poor pubescent hygiene can be a sign of the onset of pubescent depression. Is your daughter OK otherwise?