Family unsupportive for being frugal?

[mama_kass]

My mother always calls me cheap. How about you?

[gurumama]

When I inherited some money a number of years ago, we bought a used minivan. Relatives were shocked we didn't "buy a Lexus! That's what I would do!"

oooookkkkaaay....

We paid down debt and bought a used minivan. We have not been accused of being cheap, but we have been accused of not "living it up" enough. I don't need the stress of more debt to "live it up"--I have enough, thanks!

[Ruthiegirl]

We get a few sideways comments. My mom and the in-laws seem genuinely confused. But their lifestyles really confuse me, so we sidestep the issue mostly.

[chirp]

my family thinks we're poor because we're frugal.

everyone always is saying how its so hard to start out and how poor we are and how we need so much help and blah blah blah.

we're 26, been saving for two years and have a little over 5G in the bank. this is with only dh working. i sah. We are not poor!! We just try to spend wisely.

We even tell our families how much we have in the bank and they are always shocked but then i guess it slips their minds because they revert back to calling us poor! (because we don't have cable tv, or a second car, i make our bread, we eat a lot of beans and rice, because we don't buy gifts for each other on holidays, only when we see something the other person would really like)

i'd rather be called cheap than poor. at least then they'd be recognizing that we're choosing to live this way!!

[kmeyrick]

Opposite. My grandmother makes a remark on every dollar I spend, about how it could have been spent better elsewhere. She also is disapproving of my "misguided habit of giving handouts" i.e. charity.:

[SNRPMom]

Removed

[my2girlz]

I think our family and some friends think we are poor too. I use coupons and shop sales and my kids don't have boatload of clothes. I must be poor. Oh and I have a budget.

[Belleweather]

Our family is schitzophrenic about this sort of thing. On one hand, we live in too big a house and buy too nice things (ie. wooden toys for the kids, nice pots and pans that will last, etc.) and can't afford to travel, but we're cheapskates when we won't eat out, travel to visit family, or buy the latest junk, subscription or electronic device that we 'should' have (like cable TV, a cell phone, or random plastic junk for the boys).

Everyone apparently knows how to spend our money better than us.

[jeca]

I think mine are just not very understanding. DH's mom wants us to fly down there just for a christening. My mom wants us to come down to where they live for a family reunion that starts two weeks into the school year. It's just very frustrating that they think we want to blow every dime we have seeing them every summer. I can count the number of times since we have been married that people have came out to see us. I want spend this year paying down debt and getting on the right track and it seems like no one understands that or thinks it's selfish because they all want to see us. UGH.

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by mama_kass

My mother always calls me cheap. How about you?

You say "thanks for the compliment", right? RIGHT!?!

[EmsMom]

I think that some people actually think that we are poor, rather than cheap. No one has ever actually called us cheap, but, well, maybe we are! I don't know. I really can't stand buying things that pollute when they are manufactured, pollute when they are transported, pollute the recipient's home while they clutter it up, and then pollute when they sit in the landfill for the next 10,000 years. And also, the purchase and care of the stuff wastes my one good life (as far as I know) on this earth by working at job that I may not like that much and then the actual buying, storing, cleaning, discarding, etc. I mean if I want to buy a new "something" and it costs $100 and I earn say, $20 an hour, I have to work 5 hours (not taking into account the taxes) just to buy it. Maybe another hour to research and purchase it, endless hours to care for it and then more time to get it properly recycled, sold at yard sale, given to thrift store, etc. And most things give, at best, not even that many hours of enjoyment. So I figure I will just enjoy what I have instead. Maybe people think I am lazy!!!! That might be closer than cheap! Truth is, I just never have any idea about how to live in this world. I think that my family and friends are starting to catch on to that....

[chirp]

Originally Posted by EmsMom

I think that some people actually think that we are poor, rather than cheap. No one has ever actually called us cheap, but, well, maybe we are! I don't know. I really can't stand buying things that pollute when they are manufactured, pollute when they are transported, pollute the recipient's home while they clutter it up, and then pollute when they sit in the landfill for the next 10,000 years. And also, the purchase and care of the stuff wastes my one good life (as far as I know) on this earth by working at job that I may not like that much and then the actual buying, storing, cleaning, discarding, etc. I mean if I want to buy a new "something" and it costs $100 and I earn say, $20 an hour, I have to work 5 hours (not taking into account the taxes) just to buy it. Maybe another hour to research and purchase it, endless hours to care for it and then more time to get it properly recycled, sold at yard sale, given to thrift store, etc. And most things give, at best, not even that many hours of enjoyment. So I figure I will just enjoy what I have instead. Maybe people think I am lazy!!!! That might be closer than cheap! Truth is, I just never have any idea about how to live in this world. I think that my family and friends are starting to catch on to that....

actually i think we've got down just right how to live in this world!!

i feel you on the enviro impact thing. in fact i would say i'm more anti-consumer/non-materialistic than frugal...cause when i do buy something its usually a lil more expensive than what my mom or aunt might buy. like all natural wooden rattles at 20.00 a pop for baby. but he only has 1. whereas if i let them go willy nilly with shopping he would have 25 plastic rattles. not my style. not my idea of love.

i've always said that i was born about 10,000 years too late.

[velochic]

My family make comments about my frugalness as it relates to my desire to be environmentally friendly. However, since my big-mouthed mother lives with us, they also know our net worth and they see the benefits of be frugal.

[EmsMom]

Originally Posted by chirp

actually i think we've got down just right how to live in this world!!

Thanks for that!


Velochic -- "they also know our net worth and they see the benefits of be frugal." for net worth! I think that just maybe I am starting to rub off on my family as well. Last year, my mom told me she was going to do the frugal thing. Of course, they are completely broke and living only on social security income and their home equity, so maybe that was more of a motivation than their frugal daughter...

[msjd123]

Originally Posted by Belleweather

Our family is schitzophrenic about this sort of thing. On one hand, we live in too big a house and buy too nice things (ie. wooden toys for the kids, nice pots and pans that will last, etc.) and can't afford to travel, but we're cheapskates when we won't eat out, travel to visit family, or buy the latest junk, subscription or electronic device that we 'should' have (like cable TV, a cell phone, or random plastic junk for the boys).

Everyone apparently knows how to spend our money better than us.

OMG, this is us!!!! Like you, we save on the things that don't have much personal value to us, but we're able to spend a little more on the things that do matter, and for some reason, everyone finds this confusing. The way I see it, we spend money on the things that are important to us: a nice house in a decent school district, solid retirement savings, and good quality housewares. I know people who think it's weird, though, that we have an ancient TV and that our cars are in their teens.

OH well!! Our life, our choices, and while they think we're poor, we feel rich.

[josybear]

we're poor and frugal. it's nice because no one expects nice gifts or anything like that from us. we have a decently comfortable life. freshly baked bread, mornings spent reading books and drinking coffee... i don't mind!

[notwonamesalike]

Originally Posted by chirp

my family thinks we're poor because we're frugal.

OMG...this is us too. We have a substantial savings and retirement fund and no cc debt.. But we don't eat out, we use the library, I use coupons, we shop at thrift stores or use Craigslist, we don't buy junk all the time.

Obviously we're poor.

People don't understand saving for retirement, paying off debt, being happy with what you have, buying used, compacting, or living simply. They just don't get it.

[msjd123]

You know, I've been thinking about this thread some more, and I realized something: For the longest time, I think I *did* buy into the idea that, sure, we must be kind of poor because we don't have this object or that car or just whatever. Of course, that was dumb, but before I became more financially literate, I didn't realize how many, many people finance their lifestyles. I didn't realize that what we were doing -- i.e. living a cash-based lifestyle while setting aside a decent portion of our income for savings -- was way more responsible and indicative of true wealth (or the potential for true wealth) than all those other people. I used to feel so poor after coming home from the IL's house -- people who always had new furniture, gadgets, cars, movies, etc -- and it's only recently that we've found out that those same IL's are actually on the verge of bankruptcy. I feel bad for them (sort of) but I feel stupid for allowing them to smirk at our 13-year old cars and our frugal lifetyle and habits.

I'm just annoyed with myself that I fell for that myth that stuff=wealth for so long. Our modest savings may not be much to some people, but we're on the right path, and I think that counts for a lot.

Anyways, just rambling now I guess, but I'm glad I finally figured out what real wealth is!

[chirp]

yeah, some of the financial decisions of my own parents and my in-laws are just outrageous. as a young'un i feel so out of place trying to counsel my family on their spending habits...and i have to say that a lot of the time i benefit from their inability to NOT spend money...but i still feel bad when i know that the same people who buy a $10,000 motor for a boat or $300 for a new sleeping bag, only to buy another one a month later for even more money are in debt out the wazoo!!

the other day my mom picked up a used co-sleeper for me from a woman off of craigslist. i sent her a check in the mail since she had to front the cash for us. our convo...
"can i deposit this check right away?"
"yeah, of course."
"cause it's okay if i can't."
"mom, i wouldn't have bought it if we didn't have the money to cover it. you just had to upfront the cash cause the woman wanted it sold within a certain amount of time."
"well i know how hard it can be."


Hello!! This is the same woman who asked us if she could borrow 175 bucks to cover some of her nursing textbooks!! How would she think we don't have money? (Yes we let her borrow the money...it's my mom.)

About ten years ago her and my stepdad inherited 400,000 from grandma. It's all gone.
MIL and SFIL cashed in MIL's 401K to buy the boat engine and brandy dandy new appliances in the kitchen...their excuse...we can build it back up. They are in their 50s!! When were they planning on retiring, at 80?

oh wait, i said i wasn't going to get into.

it's mind boggling sometimes though!!

[chirp]

just found this after i was shakin' my booty to it while doin' some dishes...figured it fit. it's from the jungle book.

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old Mother Nature's recipes
That brings the bare necessities of life

Wherever I wander, wherever I roam
I couldn't be fonder of my big home
The bees are buzzin' in the tree
To make some honey just for me
When you look under the rocks and plants
And take a glance at the fancy ants
Then maybe try a few

The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
That's why a bear can rest at ease
With just the bare necessities of life

Now when you pick a pawpaw
Or a prickly pear
And you prick a raw paw
Next time beware
Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw
When you pick a pear
Try to use the claw
But you don't need to use the claw
When you pick a pear of the big pawpaw
Have I given you a clue ?

The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!

So just try and relax, yeah cool it
Fall apart in my backyard
'Cause let me tell you something little britches
If you act like that bee acts, uh uh
You're working too hard

And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true

The bare necessities of life will come to you