freaking out! Family stuff

[ZoshaMosha]

Hi Ladies, my name is Teresa, I don't post very often, but I've been lurking quite a bit. I just need to talk about this right now, so if any of you are still waiting and need some distraction...

I'm kind of freaking out right now because I think I may be going into labor--or at least I think I might be really soon. The problem is my father is coming into town today. I met my father when I was 22, he left when mom was pregnant for many reasons. I don't blame him entirely for his absence during my childhood, much of it is mom's fault too. Anyway, he's been trying to reconcile with me since we first met. We have an ok relationship. He lives in Poland and I live in CA, so we obviously don't see each other much but we email back and forth and so on.

He has a conference in Arizona this week, so he wanted to come pay me a visit since he's in my "neighborhood" and all. He wants to stay at my house for a couple days. I tried to gently tell him he should stay in a hotel, but I don't think he took the hint too well.

This morning I am just so tired. I have no energy at all. I'm having lots of contractions, nothing regular. Plus, my lower back has started to kill me. I'm nauseous and sweaty. I definitely don't think it's time to run to the midwife at all yet, but I'm really wondering if it might be soon.

I really, really just want to be left alone right now. I don't want to see my father or entertain him or have to have a conversation with him. But he's coming from a whole continent away... What do I do????

[carriebft]

Your story feels a lot like my first birth. While it was nothing like a father, one of my best friends had just come back from years in another country. She wanted to hang out with me and actually stopped by our apartment.

However, I was feeling like you described. My instincts told me to just sit in bed, away from everyone. She and my husband caught up and, just when I was going to go against my instinct and come out of the room and join them for going out to dinner, my water broke.

Ever since that day I've really started listening to my instincts more. HOwever, I realize that your situation is very different in this being your father...I wish I had more words of wisdom but I'll give you s .

[Chinese Pistache]

Do you have a good friend or dp who run interference for you? Can you afford to put him up in a motel for a few nights? What time is he supposed to arrive? Who's picking him up from the airport? If not you, I would instruct that person to explain that you're in early labor and he'll be going to a hotel instead.

That sounds really stressful. I'm assuming he doesn't know much about childbirth and babies?? If so, use that to your advantage Make it sound very involved and messy, so that he absolutely would not want to be around.

[kjoy2]

Oh boy, that sounds tough.

It sounds like you are in no shape at the moment to have any visitor, even close family from overseas. My mom came to visit 3 weeks ago for a few days, and it was exhausting - and I was NOT feeling labor-ish. Listen to your gut, and be forthright with your father. Remember that Americans are 'hinters' in general, but if he's been living in Poland for a while now, well, in general Europeans are much more straight forward. Tell him exactly what you need/what your limitations are. If that means that you are in early labor and you need to be alone, then that is that. You can apologize, but don't concede - this is something that you cannot control, and your body needs whatever it is telling you. I agree with CHinese Pistache that it might be good to have a partner run interference if you are too tired and to use the birth stuff to your advantage!

Good luck. Hope you feel more peaceful soon!

[New_Natural_Mom]

:

Listen to your body - if you don't feel up to it, you aren't. There is a reason your body is telling you to lay low. Listen!!

[chely7425]

I agree with everyone else... just listen to your body and be up front with your dad.

[ZoshaMosha]

Thank you for listening

Ironically, right before I was due with my daughter, my father's sister had a conference in California and called from Poland asking if she could come by for a visit. Her trip ended up getting postponed and she ended up coming into town right as I was delivering. Ugh, these are not people I'm very close with at all, and yet, they have remarkable timing!

My father told me he would call when he comes into town and so far, I haven't heard from him. I'm hoping there's some kind of blizzard in Warsaw and all flights are cancelled

But you guys are right, I need to just stand up for myself. If I can't deal with him right now, then I can't deal with him. He'll have to get over it.

Thanks

[scifimama]

hang in there mama. this is your birth. you only get one chance to create the birthing atmosphere that you need. i'm glad that you've decided to stand up for yourself and your birth.

[treehuggermama]

I agree with pp. You will regret it if you don't stand up for yourself and it ends up making your birth stressful.

Good luck to you and best wishes for a peaceful birth.

[krizzanne]

Just wanted to offer s: and support to you. That sounds like a difficult situation, and I know I am not good at being honest/standing up for myself in situations like that, but it's true, you have to listen to your body and think about the baby first, now!

You know, some men freak out or at least feel very uncomfortable when they see very pregnant women...maybe you could meet him when he first arrives to tell him in person, and he will be more understanding?!

Ugh, that is a delicate relationship balance thing, with so many considerations! Good luck.

[ZoshaMosha]

Well, the good news is that I'm not in labor yet and dear ol' Dad isn't coming into town until today and he's only staying one night.

I'm feeling much better today, no contrax, no back-ache and I have a decent amount of energy--enough to deal with him for 12 hours.

It's all gonna work itself out. Phew.

[celestialdreamer]

Glad it has all worked out for you!

[Jennisee]

So glad the situation is resolving itself for you.

[chely7425]

I'm so glad everything is working out for you!