I really wasn't sure where to post this, but I assumed here was as good a place as any. I assure you, it has to do with finances if you just stick it out and keep reading!
As you can see, this is my second post here. I just registered today, after lurking for a while. I finally decided to join mostly to ask what I'm about to ask in this post (for starters, anyway). I don't have too many people to talk to about it in real life and I wanted an opinion of a larger group.
I'm a young (23 year old) stay at home mom to my 2.5 year old son. My DH and I have been married for two years now, we got married while I was pregnant. DH is in school full time and also working part time. He has excellent job prospects for when he is done his study, but that won't be for a couple of years. While he makes a little money on the side to support himself, he is not supporting me or our son. The reason I am able to be a full time SAHM is because I am incredibly blessed to have a family who is very wealthy and able to support me. I'm not trying to brag here, but I just want you to know the facts, but my parents are multi-millionaires. This is relevant, I swear
I have two siblings, and my parents are putting both of them through university completely on their dime. I chose not to go that route because I became pregnant and was in love and I knew I'd be happier doing this. At first, they weren't too keen on it as they really thought I'd be happier if I got an education and weren't too keen on me getting married so young and so quickly. They thought maybe getting pregnant pressured me into it. But we've been together four years now, married for two, and we're still happy and we put a lot of work into our relationship.
At first, when they offered to help us out financially, they said they would only do it until I either got a job or went to school, and they said they would cut me off if I got pregnant again. That was before sky was born, and things have changed a LOT since then. For one thing, now they believe that my husband and I made the right choice, and they also see that being a sahm is what makes me happiest and are no longer worried about me working down the road.
About a year and a half ago, they told me they would support us until my husband was done his education and could support us. I was very happy about that, because my son is the most important thing in the world to me and I love being a sahm with him more than anything in the world. We are also very very insistent on homeschooling... I was homeschooled up until high school myself and it was an incredible experience for me, and I want to give that to my son. So before my parents agreed to this, I thought maybe I might end up having to put my son in school so I could work.
Here's what I'm asking your opinion on: My husband and I want another baby. Originally, we said we'd have to wait until he was done his education to have another because my family said they would cut me off if I became pregnant. As I said before, though, things have changed a lot since they said that three years ago... for one thing, back then they thought I'd be going back to work. Also, we weren't sure if DH would get into his master's program, but his grades are good enough now that next year he will be able to go, meaning we'd have to wait longer than anticipated (my parents know this and are fine with it). So I've been contemplating back and forth in my head for MONTHS about whether I should ask them. It would be perfect timing for us to get pregnant this summer, so I'd have to ask soon... I have two major thoughts going through my head about it:
Thought #1: is that I feel sort of ridiculous asking my parents if I'm "allowed" to get pregnant. I tell myself that just because they are supporting my financially, I am an adult and should be in charge of my fertility... but I definitely would NOT get pregnant knowingly without discussing it with them, because of what they said three years ago. I want to go into it knowing what the result will be and I would be devastated if they did cut me off and my plans became spoiled. I'd MUCH rather not have a baby, and be able to stay at home with DS and homeschool him than have another baby and end up having to put both of them in daycare and school.
Also, it feels sort of stupid that both DH and I want a baby as soon as possible, and we're waiting until he's done school and then want to get pregnant right away... when right now, I'm already at home with DS, and I want to homeschool, so I'm not going anywhere. We'd rather have them close together for that. Also, we've saved EVERYTHING from DS... partly at first because I was paranoid about getting pregnant again and having to buy everything over again from my own money. So we have all the clothes, shoes, toys, baby chairs, slings, hats, winter stuff, monitors, cloth diapers, diaper covers, blankets, EVERYTHING. what's more, is that I am opposed to the idea of "genderizing" every little thing... so even if we ended up having a girl, about 2/3 of our clothes would be suitable to either gender, and the other third could easily be sold and swapped for girl things. I know there are other little expenses, but since I'm breastfeeding, the only thing we should realistically have to pay for is laundry until he/she would start solids.
Also, DH and I are both canadian. Right now we're in florida, but he wants to do his masters back home in BC (he's already been accepted) so we'll be moving this summer. That means health care will be covered, and also, the gov't pays out a small fund each month for children under 6. We are into simple living, DH and I. We live in small homes that are not near as nice as where my siblings are living for their studies. So this part of me says it would be fair to ask, because my siblings are off living their dreams doing their studies, and this is my dream, and it's not like I'm asking them to do anything extra. I mentioned that my parents are multi-millionaires because I wanted you to get the idea that this is not hard for them financially, not that I don't care how they feel about it because they are rich.
Thought #2: is that I'm being incredibly selfish for even thinking of asking. A huge part of me says I should just be so so so very grateful that I even get the opportunity to stay home with DS and I don't have to worry about finances. Asking if I can have another baby just seems like I'm saying I'm not happy with what I have, which is not true!! It's just that it seems silly to me that this baby would not change much at all for my parents, so why are we waiting, when we are both ready now? I just don't want them to think I don't appreciate it. I don't want to dishonor what they said three years ago, even though everything has changed. They have not directly said we can get pregnant since then if we wanted to, but they have sort of hinted towards us needing to make these decisions for ourselves.
I don't know, I'm so torn up over it. What do you all think?
As you can see, this is my second post here. I just registered today, after lurking for a while. I finally decided to join mostly to ask what I'm about to ask in this post (for starters, anyway). I don't have too many people to talk to about it in real life and I wanted an opinion of a larger group.
I'm a young (23 year old) stay at home mom to my 2.5 year old son. My DH and I have been married for two years now, we got married while I was pregnant. DH is in school full time and also working part time. He has excellent job prospects for when he is done his study, but that won't be for a couple of years. While he makes a little money on the side to support himself, he is not supporting me or our son. The reason I am able to be a full time SAHM is because I am incredibly blessed to have a family who is very wealthy and able to support me. I'm not trying to brag here, but I just want you to know the facts, but my parents are multi-millionaires. This is relevant, I swear
I have two siblings, and my parents are putting both of them through university completely on their dime. I chose not to go that route because I became pregnant and was in love and I knew I'd be happier doing this. At first, they weren't too keen on it as they really thought I'd be happier if I got an education and weren't too keen on me getting married so young and so quickly. They thought maybe getting pregnant pressured me into it. But we've been together four years now, married for two, and we're still happy and we put a lot of work into our relationship.
At first, when they offered to help us out financially, they said they would only do it until I either got a job or went to school, and they said they would cut me off if I got pregnant again. That was before sky was born, and things have changed a LOT since then. For one thing, now they believe that my husband and I made the right choice, and they also see that being a sahm is what makes me happiest and are no longer worried about me working down the road.
About a year and a half ago, they told me they would support us until my husband was done his education and could support us. I was very happy about that, because my son is the most important thing in the world to me and I love being a sahm with him more than anything in the world. We are also very very insistent on homeschooling... I was homeschooled up until high school myself and it was an incredible experience for me, and I want to give that to my son. So before my parents agreed to this, I thought maybe I might end up having to put my son in school so I could work.
Here's what I'm asking your opinion on: My husband and I want another baby. Originally, we said we'd have to wait until he was done his education to have another because my family said they would cut me off if I became pregnant. As I said before, though, things have changed a lot since they said that three years ago... for one thing, back then they thought I'd be going back to work. Also, we weren't sure if DH would get into his master's program, but his grades are good enough now that next year he will be able to go, meaning we'd have to wait longer than anticipated (my parents know this and are fine with it). So I've been contemplating back and forth in my head for MONTHS about whether I should ask them. It would be perfect timing for us to get pregnant this summer, so I'd have to ask soon... I have two major thoughts going through my head about it:
Thought #1: is that I feel sort of ridiculous asking my parents if I'm "allowed" to get pregnant. I tell myself that just because they are supporting my financially, I am an adult and should be in charge of my fertility... but I definitely would NOT get pregnant knowingly without discussing it with them, because of what they said three years ago. I want to go into it knowing what the result will be and I would be devastated if they did cut me off and my plans became spoiled. I'd MUCH rather not have a baby, and be able to stay at home with DS and homeschool him than have another baby and end up having to put both of them in daycare and school.
Also, it feels sort of stupid that both DH and I want a baby as soon as possible, and we're waiting until he's done school and then want to get pregnant right away... when right now, I'm already at home with DS, and I want to homeschool, so I'm not going anywhere. We'd rather have them close together for that. Also, we've saved EVERYTHING from DS... partly at first because I was paranoid about getting pregnant again and having to buy everything over again from my own money. So we have all the clothes, shoes, toys, baby chairs, slings, hats, winter stuff, monitors, cloth diapers, diaper covers, blankets, EVERYTHING. what's more, is that I am opposed to the idea of "genderizing" every little thing... so even if we ended up having a girl, about 2/3 of our clothes would be suitable to either gender, and the other third could easily be sold and swapped for girl things. I know there are other little expenses, but since I'm breastfeeding, the only thing we should realistically have to pay for is laundry until he/she would start solids.
Also, DH and I are both canadian. Right now we're in florida, but he wants to do his masters back home in BC (he's already been accepted) so we'll be moving this summer. That means health care will be covered, and also, the gov't pays out a small fund each month for children under 6. We are into simple living, DH and I. We live in small homes that are not near as nice as where my siblings are living for their studies. So this part of me says it would be fair to ask, because my siblings are off living their dreams doing their studies, and this is my dream, and it's not like I'm asking them to do anything extra. I mentioned that my parents are multi-millionaires because I wanted you to get the idea that this is not hard for them financially, not that I don't care how they feel about it because they are rich.
Thought #2: is that I'm being incredibly selfish for even thinking of asking. A huge part of me says I should just be so so so very grateful that I even get the opportunity to stay home with DS and I don't have to worry about finances. Asking if I can have another baby just seems like I'm saying I'm not happy with what I have, which is not true!! It's just that it seems silly to me that this baby would not change much at all for my parents, so why are we waiting, when we are both ready now? I just don't want them to think I don't appreciate it. I don't want to dishonor what they said three years ago, even though everything has changed. They have not directly said we can get pregnant since then if we wanted to, but they have sort of hinted towards us needing to make these decisions for ourselves.
I don't know, I'm so torn up over it. What do you all think?
And things are better financially too.
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