? for the Midwives about fear

[Hallielynn01]

For the past year I have been looking into the different paths towards midwife training. But I find I have one underlying fear that keeps me from taking the plunge. Being responsible for someone else's life. Its not a fear that could keep me from going after my dream, as I believe that fear can also keep you grounded , but did you also have this concern when you were getting started? Do you still have it? Or did you find with knowledge and experience, this faded? I remember when I started in the current field I'm in I felt this way too, and now, after years in it, I'm much more confident, although I have lives of dogs in my hands every day and sharp objects and bad things can happen. But with training and experience, I'm confident and know what I can and can't handle. So I was just hoping for some feedback from you pros, and see how everyone felt as they were getting started! Thanks

[nashvillemidwife]

I don't think I can say I've ever had a general fear of responsibility. I just accepted it for what it was, and being afraid of it isn't going to make me a better midwife. Knowing that I carry this level of responsibility is humbling and it keeps me careful and cautious, but to feel fear because of it doesn't seem like it serves anyone. I try to be the best, safest midwife that I can be, anything else seems like a waste of energy. I know that must sound awfully simple, but I guess that's just the way I am.

[pamamidwife]

I agree with Nashvillemidwife. Taking care of my child is a huge responsibility - so is putting her in the car when I drive.

There are certain things we have control over and certain things we don't. Surely if you believe that you are the reason why people come out of birth safely then you'll have some serious faith issues. (that's a heavy burden to bear, believing that you are the control factor in safe birth!)

Trusting that you will be given the divine knowledge and skills that you need at the time, along with a fabulous relationship with clients, can do so much. But, it cannot prevent all possibilities.

[rnchrista]

Originally Posted by Hallielynn01

For the past year I have been looking into the different paths towards midwife training. But I find I have one underlying fear that keeps me from taking the plunge. Being responsible for someone else's life. Its not a fear that could keep me from going after my dream, as I believe that fear can also keep you grounded , but did you also have this concern when you were getting started? Do you still have it? Or did you find with knowledge and experience, this faded?

hmm...after having been to a number of tough births lately, i'm seriously wondering if I want that responsibility myself.

[JunipersMom]

I've never really had a fear of the responsibility, because I truly believe that the parents are the ultimate decision makers and I am there to give them information, resources and to help them as I can. But my reality is that it really is up to the family. I do what I can to help them to the best of my ability... but the actual outcome isnt really up to me.

[MsBlack]

I have to say that I started out as brave as any toddler who wanders happily away from mama in a large crowd or maybe in the park or forest: that is, very brave but certainly ignorant of what could happen! Not intellectually ignorant, in my head I knew what can happen at birth--but definitely emotionally ignorant. Innocently courageous... Of course, I was not a toddler and because of work I'd done prior to midwifery I felt that I could handle the responsibility and wanted to.

But it was only the eventual experience of death/difficulty around childbearing that brought me to knowledgeable and experienced ability to confront death and difficulty at birth without (debilitating) fear. AT this point I'm not sure anyone can know whether or not they are able--or at least, able to BECOME able--to manage the life and death nature of birth, where we never have any guaranteed outcomes, until they have confronted difficult births and/or death. There are indeed mws and doulas who gave up the work after an experience (or a few) of death/difficulty--they found out through those experiences that while they loved and felt competent with the 'bright side' of birth, they couldn't find the inner resources to accept that there is a 'dark side', and to work through/with it. Especially because we can never truly know which birth will show that 'dark side'--tho rarely, true surprises can and do happen at birth.

A mw has to balance, I think, between being fully responsible (for her own actions at least) and understanding that 'responsibility' for birth outcomes is definitely shared also by parents, society, and Higher Power. And I think that takes time/experiences to begin to meaningfully acquire/create for oneself.

[lunaliss]

I agree with all other posts here.
The responsibility is shared with parents, higher powers but mostly parents and their decisions. I consider myself a resource for the families to consult, they have the power/ responsibility to consult with me, ask questions, elicit advice and they are ultimately the ones who will eat what they will, take the vitamins/ supplements, opt for the birth place.
Birth itself is something I am trained to observe, make suggestions, but if I don't have trust in the process, noone will, and I have trust in the process.
Do I know what to do with a surprise breech? Yes, I have done that. Do I know what to do with a postpartum hemorrhage? Yes, I could do that in my sleep (but I'd rather be fully awake!). It's the training that gives you the confidence to trust birth and trust yourself to know when intervention IS needed and what to do and how to stay out of the way. Women know how to give birth, my most important job is how to support that.
Hope this helps!
Believe in women, believe in birth,
Melissa, CNM

[Hallielynn01]

Thanks Ladies. This did help. as I was looking at the huge responsibility of someone's life as completely my own, and as you guys have clarified. Its not all in my hands. That makes it easier to wrap my mind around and accept. I just hadn't looked at it that way before. Perhaps that's one of the major difference (beside many of the obvious) between MW and OB. That a midwifes respects the birth and understands she is the guardian of it but not in control of it. Thanks for taking time to write a response, much appreciated!