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should I let her go? - Page 3

post #41 of 77
4/9/08 at 11:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaLisa1 View Post
Anyway, I made my decision...she isn't going. He made his decision and he is. My second DD asked her sister tonight when she is going to find a boyfriend who treats her with respect. DD1 laughed it off and said "shut up" and play fought with her for a minute, but she knows deep down how we all feel. Now it's up to her to decide her fate. She just deserves so much more, regardless of her academic standing, or what her future holds. If she finds someone who is hardworking and treats her like an absolute princess, we will welcome into our family with open arms.
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post #42 of 77
4/9/08 at 11:29pm
: What?
post #43 of 77
4/9/08 at 11:44pm
Thread Starter 
I give up. no matter what I say, what I do, it's the wrong answer and I'm being judged, attacked, or whatever. I guess I was stupid in coming to ask a question that I probably already knew the answer to. I guess I was also stupid to think that I could further explain myself and have anyone understand what I was referring to. It's like everyone is just waiting for one little thing within a post to get riled up about. I don't have the time for this kind of nonsense. Forget it. I'm just getting aggravated. None of you know me, or can get the full understanding of what I mean since you do not know me, or know the ongoing history here.
Now, I need to go find a way to do a primal scream where no one will hear me, out of the sheer frustration of this whole thing.
post #44 of 77
4/9/08 at 11:45pm
Oh, yes, here we go: how dare the OP want the best for her own daughter? Goooood grief. OP, accept that nothing you do, short of sending your sixteen-year-old to Aruba with the next stoner you see, will prove your openminded support of her budding adulthood.
YOU are her mother, and YOU decide what's best for her. I'm glad to see you've gotten some support here from people who understand that sometimes, words are just words.
post #45 of 77
4/9/08 at 11:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaLisa1 View Post
I give up. no matter what I say, what I do, it's the wrong answer and I'm being judged, attacked, or whatever. I guess I was stupid in coming to ask a question that I probably already knew the answer to. I guess I was also stupid to think that I could further explain myself and have anyone understand what I was referring to. It's like everyone is just waiting for one little thing within a post to get riled up about. I don't have the time for this kind of nonsense. Forget it. I'm just getting aggravated. None of you know me, or can get the full understanding of what I mean since you do not know me, or know the ongoing history here.
Now, I need to go find a way to do a primal scream where no one will hear me, out of the sheer frustration of this whole thing.

None of that is what I have meant at all.

Sometimes it's one little thing in a post that is very telling.

We aren't all going to agree on this or any forum. All we can do is our best.
post #46 of 77
4/9/08 at 11:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonnymoose View Post
Oh, yes, here we go: how dare the OP want the best for her own daughter? Goooood grief. OP, accept that nothing you do, short of sending your sixteen-year-old to Aruba with the next stoner you see, will prove your openminded support of her budding adulthood. .
Totally not what I was meaning either, btw. *sigh....
post #47 of 77
4/9/08 at 11:54pm
You can say you didn't mean to attack her, but it sure didn't look that way to me. She's struggling with when and how to let her daughter become an adult, and some of you are crapping all over her for asking for help. You jumped all OVER her because she didn't use words that you thought were the right words. Why should you pick her words? Why did you assume the words meant the same thing to her that they did to you?
post #48 of 77
4/10/08 at 12:12am
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonnymoose View Post
You can say you didn't mean to attack her, but it sure didn't look that way to me. She's struggling with when and how to let her daughter become an adult, and some of you are crapping all over her for asking for help. You jumped all OVER her because she didn't use words that you thought were the right words. Why should you pick her words? Why did you assume the words meant the same thing to her that they did to you?

I don't think I get to pick her words. I do think I get to respond to them. I never attacked her or called her any names. I just said (or agreed with someone who said) what I was thinking or feeling about the issue she presented. I can only read what she is writing... and I am going to make my assumptions based on what she (or anyone) writes.

Some of us understood, from her words, that she didn't want her Dd to hang out with this kid because she doesn't agree with his college plans and she mentioned her Dd's honor roll status as if it were relevant to this situation. Otherwise it's not something we'd have even considered. Do you see what I mean?

Of course she's free to do whatever she wants and to handle this situation in whatever way she decides is best. But she did come here to ask other people for their thoughts, and we gave them to her. I re read my posts and I honestly don't see where I was inappropriate. I'd be open to seeing where you think I was though. :
post #49 of 77
4/10/08 at 12:15am
We don't "let" our kids become adults. They do, period.

No one is crapping on her for asking for help. People are pointing out what they see based on the posts made. She can agree, or not agree, that is her choice. And of course no one here knows the situation perfectly, all we can do is go by what was posted. And that is what people are doing.
post #50 of 77
4/10/08 at 12:15am
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
I wouldn't let my 16 yr daughter go 125 miles away with ANY group of friends at all. I just don't trust teenager's driving well enough to put my child in a car to spend a long, hot, tiring day of fun, and possibly alchohol to THEN drive 125 miles back home.

It just isn't worth the stress it would cause ME.

disclaimer: As a teenager, with a boyfriend two years older than I was, I got to do what I wanted, I was rarley told "no" and I am fine, nothing bad ever happened to me while in a group.

But, that doesn't mean I want my own daughter to do the things I did.
Same thing. I would have been allowed to do that as a teen and I was a good girl and I'm fine and nothing bad happened. I do worry about teens and driving. That would be my concern.
post #51 of 77
4/10/08 at 12:20am
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonnymoose View Post
OP, accept that nothing you do, short of sending your sixteen-year-old to Aruba with the next stoner you see, will prove your openminded support of her budding adulthood.
You might want to scroll up and see where I posted that a trip to the beach ISN'T a weekend in France. So your argument proves to have no merit whatsoever.
post #52 of 77
4/10/08 at 12:26am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
We don't "let" our kids become adults. They do, period.
You're doing the wrong-word thing to me now. My eyes are going to roll right out of my head if I keep reading, and I'm going to need them tomorrow when I go to work, so I'm going to go to bed now. Y'all have a nice night.
post #53 of 77
4/10/08 at 12:37am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
You might want to scroll up and see where I posted that a trip to the beach ISN'T a weekend in France. So your argument proves to have no merit whatsoever.
Unless, of course, it was hyperbole, in which case it has quite a bit of merit now that you've proven my point. Twice. G'night!
post #54 of 77
4/10/08 at 12:51am
what merit?

That I pay attention to what people say?

yep ya got me
post #55 of 77
4/10/08 at 12:57am
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
I wouldn't let my 16 yr daughter go 125 miles away with ANY group of friends at all. I just don't trust teenager's driving well enough to put my child in a car to spend a long, hot, tiring day of fun, and possibly alchohol to THEN drive 125 miles back home.

It just isn't worth the stress it would cause ME.
:
post #56 of 77
4/10/08 at 1:03am
No way, no how.
Besides the guy is a jerk. Way too far for my dd to ride with a bunch of teens.
post #57 of 77
4/10/08 at 1:07am
I would not. If DH and I actually liked and trusted him we may actually consider it. BUt in this case I would say no.
post #58 of 77
4/10/08 at 1:09am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post
*** You don't approve of him, but allowing your daughter to see him, that shows me you allow your daughter to make her own choices and mistakes.

*** I'd say no to the trip, and explain why calmly and respectfully.

*** I find it ironic that people that call for you to respect your daughter's decision don't show the same in their replies here.

*** Yeah, I'm all for discussion, I'm all for understanding, and guess what, when my DSD (who is 15) gets cranky when she hears "no", she admits later on that she understands why she got told "no" later on. So Yeah... I'm with "parents have a final say" camp, as long as it's based on love and reason.

*** Throw your tomatoes my way, teenagers act impulsively, and I'm ok with parents stepping in, as long as it's not all the time, and you do allow your kids to grow and mature, which includes dealing with "no"s and not sticking around boyfriends who have no problem leaving you behind for a beach trip.
A big :YEAHTHAT to all of the above.

I say this not as a mom of teenager ('cause mine is just 2), but as someone whose teenage life is still fresh in her mind. I can remember my parents drawing a line sometimes, and as much as I resisted, I always knew they were right, eventually.

And, oh, man, the arguing from Boyfriend would have driven me over the edge. No means no, dude, whether it comes from Mama or Girlfriend.
post #59 of 77
4/10/08 at 1:24am
i agree w/ you, and although i don't know him and can't judge him personally, from you have said he does sound like a jerk. And personally thats reason enough for me. the fact that your not at ease with his driving is just the last nail in the coffin



by the way don't let some critcal people keep you away. look for the positive, the things that actually help and then just send good vibes to everyone else. maybe their day will get better or they will grow maturity and understanding , and mercy for those who don't approach life the same way they do :::

BAsically i think your doing the right thing and even if no one else did you are great to stick to your guns and do what you know is right for your daughter
post #60 of 77
4/10/08 at 1:32am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
We don't "let" our kids become adults. They do, period.

No one is crapping on her for asking for help. People are pointing out what they see based on the posts made. She can agree, or not agree, that is her choice. And of course no one here knows the situation perfectly, all we can do is go by what was posted. And that is what people are doing.
I think that crapping on her is exactly what you did.

I don't know why I bothered to read this thread. I knew what would happen, sigh

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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Parenting › Ages and Stages › Preteens and Teens › should I let her go?