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Birthday invite with "please no plastic" included...wdyt? - Page 5

post #81 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama View Post
Well, you could have a Spring is Here theme.
Or you could just not worry about the presents.
Well, if you knew me, you would know that there is no way for me to *not* worry about anything... lol
I like the idea about a spring is here theme, that would also make the 'character' birthday easier to avoid...
post #82 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by famousmockngbrd View Post
Why is it OK to register for weddings, showers, etc. but you can't even suggest loose boundaries for birthday parties?
Actually, if you are an etiquette "stickler"--which I don't think applies to anyone on this board--registries of any kind are not really polite. I know--it is crazy, and everyone we know here in the US registers, but the "gift registry" is a fairly modern invention of the last 30 years created by department stores in order to market products to us.

I understand the OP's motivation, and sympathize as a parent. I think that books and blocks invitation up thread is a sweet way to get around plastic. But I would probably just not worry about--it is too much energy to try to control other people, in my experience. Better to return and build up a credit at Toys R Us for a swing set or something you really want.
post #83 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by nighten View Post
Personally, I think it's rude to tell people what they can and cannot buy on an invitation. I wish it weren't so, since I too would want to minimize the unacceptable gifts given to my child at a party for her, but where I live it's very poor form to tell people what they can and cannot buy on an invitation. The exception being shower invitations, where I think it's okay for registry information (the store name) to be included.

I wish there were a way to put a creative comment on the invitation about the types of presents you prefer for your child, but I'm just not sure that's possible without coming off as greedy or offending people. UNLESS you made it a themed party. Like a "Bookfest" or something, in which case you'd hopefully get just books. Something like, "Come celebrate our birthday with a bookfest! Because we're turning (whatever age) and we love you and we love books! So bring yourself, bring a book, bring a book about yourself!" or something silly like that?

I would NOT put a restriction on things for them to bring, nor a disclaimer on what's not allowed. But I think having a definite theme to the party could help steer people in the right direction.

Bottom line, people will buy what they want to buy. Your ILs (and mine) are a classic example of this. The big problem as I see it is that at a party, your daughter will be opening the presents and you won't get a chance to censor some things out ahead of time. So having a theme that strongly hints at the type of presents you're wanting them to bring, might be the best way to approach it without offending people.

Good luck!

ETA: I like the "Toybox is full, no toys please" suggestion.
I agree with this. Could be regional as I'm from KY and I see nighten lives in TN. I think the "book theme" or "art theme" is great and will limit the number of toys your child gets. However, no matter how much you dislike plastic toys (and DH and I do, too), accepting gifts graciously is an important lesson. They can later be given to those who have nothing.
post #84 of 110
A few nights ago we were at a friends. This friend made Reuben sandwiches for lunch for us. She knew Kailey wouldn't like them so bought her boneless chicken smothered in barbeque sauce. Kailey did not like these things, she took a bite, but didn't eat anymore.

This friend got upset that she wasted money. She didn't as what Kailey wanted and we didn't know ahead of time what she would be making for lunch. Before she has always made great food that Kailey would like so we didn't know to bring food from home.

I wouldn't force her to eat anything she didn't like, but she felt bad just the same becuase she overheard my friend mention money while we were in the kitchen.

No, I did not offer to reimburse my friend as this was something she purchased without having asked ahead of time.

I guess I am just rude then, and continue to happily be. The planet is FAR more important that shallow friendships (and if people are this concerned with etiquette than with people then they are indeed shallow) and I prefer to be among a few good friends than many useess ones.
post #85 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potty Diva View Post
A few nights ago we were at a friends. This friend made Reuben sandwiches for lunch for us. She knew Kailey wouldn't like them so bought her boneless chicken smothered in barbeque sauce. Kailey did not like these things, she took a bite, but didn't eat anymore.

This friend got upset that she wasted money. She didn't as what Kailey wanted and we didn't know ahead of time what she would be making for lunch. Before she has always made great food that Kailey would like so we didn't know to bring food from home.

I wouldn't force her to eat anything she didn't like, but she felt bad just the same becuase she overheard my friend mention money while we were in the kitchen.

No, I did not offer to reimburse my friend as this was something she purchased without having asked ahead of time.

I guess I am just rude then, and continue to happily be. The planet is FAR more important that shallow friendships (and if people are this concerned with etiquette than with people then they are indeed shallow) and I prefer to be among a few good friends than many useess ones.

I don't think it's the same kind of situation, and I don't think it was very nice of her to show displeasure that your child didn't want the food. That seems like a very uncomfortable situation, and not a nice way to treat a guest

FWIW, among my Mom friends, we dont' have a problem telling each other not to bring gifts. But eventually, it will not be about my friendships with the parents, it will be about who ds wants invited to his party. And if I am not that well-acquainted with certain parents in a playgroup or preschool, I would not feel comfortable putting down a toy requirement on an invitation. And I don't generally find people "useless".

Maybe this really just depends on the situation, where you live, and who you have invited.

And seriously, I'll say it again -- children living in a domestic violence shelter would benefit from a toy donation!!
post #86 of 110
No. I didn't say people were useless. But relationship where you cannot be yourself and honest are useless.

And I would feel comfortable and do saying NO PLASTIC. I mean how can people care more about social niceties than our planet, that just doesn't make sense.

We can talk to moms about breastfeeding over formula, but not about plastic- weird.
post #87 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by Potty Diva View Post
Just a question, because I come across this a lot...why exactly is it rude?

Is it not rude for others to tell you what will come in and out of your house?
It's rude because it's saying that you are expecting gifts. Gifts are NEVER to be suspected or solicited. Parties are for the benefit of the guests.
post #88 of 110
Oh, this is where the confusion on my part comes in.

For us and my family and friends, parties are for the birthday person, not for the guests. Guests are being invited to share in the joy of celebrating a birth.
post #89 of 110
ok my first reaction is that it is rude. But then I read what you wrote and I dont think its all that bad. But I am sure some people will think its rude. I probably would not write that, I would just let people know by word of mouth, and if I got junk I would donate it. jmo
post #90 of 110
Don’t call it a birthday party. Birthday parties mean gifts. If it isn’t a birthday party no gifts. Address an invitation to the child asking them over.

Now this is more difficult with family. They all know exactly when birthday are. Fortunately, my family and my in-laws have wish lists on Amazon and exchange emails of gift suggestions around the holidays. It felt weird at first but we’ve gotten used to it. We’ve also started drawing names in the middle generation. Still, everyone is expected to get all the kids something. (I wouldn’t direct a friend to these online wish lists.)

First of all, I practice it. I usually get the nieces and nephews books and clothes not toys. This past Christmas we got everyone a Zoo Parent membership which went over really well. My niece really did get a hippopotamus for Christmas. How cool is that?

Family mostly got the idea of what to give my DD. My mom and I had a run in over the gift of a stroller. The compromise was for the stroller (a plastic princess stroller that had to be repaired almost instantly blech) to live at my mom’s house. That, I was asked about ahead of time and even though I vetoed it, it was given anyway. It’s difficult to take something away from a delighted 2 year old. My plan for the future is to accept gifts graciously and deal with them on a case by case basis. Gifts will not be opened at parties.

I’ve had very few opportunities to go to a non-family children’s parties. The one that said “no gifts please” still resulted in a pile of gifts. (I gave her a Sea Otter through the Zoo Parents.) I admit that it gets my hackles up and into contrary mode when I see a mention of a gift on anything but a bridal or wedding shower.

I’ve not had a friend birthday party for DD yet since she is only two. I think what I might do is have a party in June (DD’s birthday is right after Christmas). Maybe we’ll call it an adoption day celebration or just a shindig or a tea party. I’d hate to give up community building social gatherings because of stuff.

Masel
post #91 of 110
we have a very busy toddler and we like to get out and do things. I always suggest gift certificates to....rumble tumble, the childrens museum etc...
post #92 of 110
I'd hate to think that community social building only happens at birthday parties- wow.

Communities are built through daily interactions, not a one time a year birthday.
post #93 of 110
True but that was in response to the person who said just don't have a party.
post #94 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by joy2grow View Post
To me the themed party is the only acceptable way to steer gift giving, anything else will come across as rude. I struggled a lot with this issue for dd's birthday and Christmas so I understand how you feel. Even with obvious preferences stated in one-on-one conversations people got dd what they wanted to give. I say just expect to donate what does not suit your family, it will make some other kid super happy when their dp finds the latest gizmo at the thrift store
IAWTC 100%
post #95 of 110
This whole gifting business has become so fraught these days! People getting miffed at what they receive and people not putting enough thought behind what they gift. Personally, I think it is in poor taste to dictate terms for gifts. With close family and friends I may feel free enough to suggest ideas but otherwise, no. I don't know what they are comfortable spending, if they already have a gift to recycle , etc, etc.

Activism has a place, certainly. But a birthday is not the time for it. People who know your views on these things but still choose to gift inappropriately...., what can you say. It's the thought that counts and they clearly could have done some more thinking!
post #96 of 110
What about me? I have MCS an so certain things (including children's items) CANNOT be brought into our home. How would I phrase THAT on an invitation? For me this can be an issue of life or death.
post #97 of 110
Earthmama, you'll just have to get over it, ya know, for the sake of social community building
post #98 of 110
i totally know where your coming from with this. for christmas i gave my nephnew a fairtrade bongo drum ... you know what my sis got my lo for his birthday in feb? a revolving plastic light - up drum... i though "NOOO" but how do you tell your sister you dont like the present she got? i cant let it dissapear soon cos shel notice.
so saying something in the invitation about what kind of toys youd like would maybe be a good idea imo.
post #99 of 110
I don't know why but my please no plastic mantra has caused the most uproar with family and friends... I don't know why it's so confusing to people... i've started suggesting toys or company's that i know make natural toys.

I put please no plastic toys here is a list of suggestions if you would like to bring a gift and then send them to the threesisters website or something...

ps if i do get plastic junk toys i either return them to the store for credit if i can OR i take them down to the womens shelter or salvation army.
post #100 of 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthMamaToBe View Post
What about me? I have MCS an so certain things (including children's items) CANNOT be brought into our home. How would I phrase THAT on an invitation? For me this can be an issue of life or death.

I don't know what MCS is, but this is obviously a completely different circumstance.
It sounds hard
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