i need your help: MIL visit

[counterGOPI]

ok so MIL will have to visit once sprout is born when lini was born we made her wait 1 month so we could adjust. problem with that is dh only has 3 weeks off work so if we tell ehr to come in a month again then i'll be ALL ALONE with her : uke:
We are making her stay in a hotel this time and not at out house to cut back on the stress of her being here plus the time she's here. we are kinda secretly hoping that if she stays in a hotel she'll cut back on her trip too since it'll cost her money and even though shes a millionaire..literally, shes super super cheap.
so anyways should we have her come maybe 2 weeks after sprout is born s owe have some time to figure things out bu then she comes when dh is still here so i have my sanity or wait a month again.
a possibly good point about her coming at the 2 week point is that sprout won't be leaving the house til 1 month and MIl ONLY eats out so her,dh and lini can go out and leave me and the baby to bond and sleep.
but i wouldnt want her staying a whole week b/c that would take away from my family's time alone togetehr to adjust kwim? so i guess eitehr way we'd have ot set limits ahead of time an stick with them. shes bad about guilt tripping us into staying longer

eta. in canse you dont rememebr my MIL is literall ythe MIL from hell andher visits screw us up for many months, its never fu nand a hard thing to deal with

[ChristyH]

s mama

I don't have any advise except to sit down, talk to your husband so that both of you are on the same page and map out a time frame and make sure you both stick to it.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that now though on top of everything else right now. I wish I could tell you know I know how you feel but I have a MIL gives us plenty of space.

[amaayeh]

I have difficult in laws as well and I think it is very wise to set firm boundaries. We are also considering have MIL stay in a hotel this time. I just hate people in my 'space' while I'm trying to adjust, plus the fact she isn't helpful at all. She will come in and try to rearrange my entire house. It's lovely. Anyway, I agree with pp, talk to dh and make sure that you are on the same page and make sure he knows how very important it is to you that you both remain on the same page the entire time she is there. I hope her visit is short and at least a little better than last time!!

[Luv2Skydive]

I felt stress for you just reading that! It's so frustrating to have to accommodate someone else during these first few weeks when you should only have to concentrate on you and baby. I guess having her come the last week your DH is of work is the best time so you don't have to be alone with her. I see that she only eats meals out, so I would schedule her visits an hour or two before meals so she will leave and give you a break....and if it conflicts with the baby's schedule, too bad. And since it's DH's mom, she is HIS responsibility to entertain and get out of the house at the agreed upon times. Something I do with my DH is try to go through different scenerios and how we would handle them if they come up so he isn't caught off guard by her guilt trips. Like "What if she wants to do this......" or "What if she calls and asks if she can do this?". And definitely make sure DH knows and makes VERY clear how important establishing and sticking to a schedule is.

[Chinese Pistache]

That sounds really stressful. If I were in your shoes, I'd prefer her to come earlier rather than later so that dh would still be home. It would be hell on earth to have to spend time alone, potentially ALL DAY with someone I didn't like.

[Jennisee]

You're stronger and more patient than I am. I wouldn't let someone who causes my family so much stress visit at all, period. I hope you guys figure out something that works well.

[NaturallyPeachey]

I'd have her come while DH is still off so he can help manage her. I couldn't imagine having to spend entire days with my MIL (or my own mother FWIW) without my DH around (even without the added stress of a new baby). I'd be on the evening news for sure :

[chely7425]

If it was me and she stressed me out that much I would want her to come while hubby was still off work... plus you have a good point about them being able to go out to dinner and leave you alone with the baby.

[paphia]

My MIL stresses me out and even though I live with her I'm avoiding her as much as possible. I don't really like being stared at while I nurse, and I had to tell her flat out not to discuss my body (stretch marks, belly size, lochia) at all because that's all she seems capable of talking about when she sees something showing. Last couple of nights she's taken to hanging out in the living room long after her sleeping pills have kicked in and will try to engage me in these loopy conversations where she can't even talk straight let alone make sense with her words. So I have to repeat over and over that she needs to get in bed because she can't stay upright, and she'll insist she's not tired and I tell her I don't care and go to bed since I'm not in the mood to pick you up off the floor when you fall. Damn, crazy.

I guess what I'm trying to convey is - you don't have to be nice or accommodating just because she's related to your baby. If she is a stress, avoid her and stay in your room. Let dh entertain her, let her see your older child, let her get a peek at the newborn when he's asleep and tell her to visit again when he's 6 months and you're all feeling up to being social. She'll live. Even if she doesn't like it. And do it sooner than later, when the babe is so new that it's an easy excuse to be in bed and away from her. Boundaries and avoidance are probably the best ways to get through her visit. And definitely keep it short. Sorry you can't just tell her to skip it.

[MelanieMC]

Originally Posted by Jennisee

You're stronger and more patient than I am. I wouldn't let someone who causes my family so much stress visit at all, period. I hope you guys figure out something that works well.

: I would seriously tell her that you need time to adjust and to be with your new baby. She can come visit in a couple of months or you can go visit her for just a few days when the baby is 1 1/2 - 3 months old. I understand that she wants to see her grandchild, but if her behavior is such that you can't even imagine spending 1 day alone with her I would tell her she'll just have to wait! You don't need that kind of stress when you should be enjoying your new little one and spending time with your husband while he is off from work.

[counterGOPI]

thank you thank you so very much mamas. dh and i decided we are going to do the 2 week thing and shes in a hotel for sure and will have a limit as to how long she can stay.
ughh not looking forward to it but i know to maintain family relations we have to do it
my family at least isn't coming til july!i love my family though they dont drive dh nor i crazy, plus my 3 neices are coming which will make dd sooooooo happy!