Are your kids in school, but you're a HS at heart?

[SonyBaby]

....At least that's how I feel and have been having waves of guilt that I'll be sending my first born off to Kindergarten this fall (a full-day program here in Quebec, Canada) plus a 45-minute bus ride (one way).

I have read up on the subject of education for the past two years and concluded that HS appealed to us (particularly unschooling) as it seemed like a natural fit with our life style...having moved to the country to achieve self-sufficiency. However with the arrival of our 4th DD, I no longer feel I can provide my children with the educational experience they deserve while keeping my sanity (or what's left of it by the end of the day)! So dh & I have both agreed to send her to the public school in the fall

So I guess I'm posting in hopes of finding moral support from parents who currently have children in the school system they don't truly believe is beneficial (*not intended to offend anyone with differing views) and find out what your experience has been so far and what challenges you may have faced since your child entered the system. TIA

[Miss Information]

Well, I question the value of the public school system, even though I send my oldest to kindergarten in the public school system anyway.

It's not perfect, and they assess quarterly (and that's a lot of testing they do), but on the other hand, my daughter loves her teacher, loves what she learns in school, and is progressing faster than she ever would at home. I say that because she is more highly motivated in the classroom environment than at home. There are a few other bright kids in her class, and when one started bringing in small books they made and illustrated, my daughter wanted to as well. They tend to act as motivators for each other (a little healthy competition, I guess).

Since dd has 2 younger sisters (4.5 and 3), school has become something of her very own she doesn't have to share with them. She gets experiences all her own, you know?

One of their visitors was an animal trainer, and the K kids got to see some of the animals he had. My dd got to go up to see an owl up close and try to give it some commands to fly. She also got to pet it. So, they do get to do some things they may not get to at home.

On the other hand, her learning doesn't stop at school. Since she has 1/2 day K, we do stuff at home, and there are weekends and breaks. I have lots of manipulatives at home and science books so she can do math and science at home (you can see my blog below to get an idea the things we do at home).

Also, as another benefit, the other two children get a little more of me because there is one less child to have to share me with.

Of course, I always reserve the right to homeschool if I feel that school is just not meeting my children's needs. So I plan to take it year by year and see what happens.

Right now, my 6 year old is reading at a second grade level, but their reading assessments for kindergarten stop at level 18 (which is the end of 1st grade).
So, it's going to be interesting how they plan to meet her needs as she gets older. I worry about her being bored, but so far, she's okay.

I can tell she's a lot like me, and that is achievement oriented. And if she continues on this path, she could be enjoying school a lot, or she could eventually start becoming bored by school. I worry about that the most. But, as long as she's enjoying school and progressing nicely, I am glad she's there.

I hope this helps.

[Heavenly]

Well my kids aren't in school yet but they will be come September. They are going to be going into 1st grade and 2nd grade. We have homeschooled all along, honestly well past the point we should have. I have health problems and other issues that have just made it really hard and I can't cope with it anymore. On the homeschool board you get lots of stories of how wonderful it can be, and it can, but you don't hear enough about how some people, like me, find it incredibly difficult. Posting on the homeschool board and being involved in our homeschool group have really made me feel a lot of guilt, like I will be harming my child forever if I don't homeschool, but I am at the point where I am going to do what is best for MY family and not worry about those who want to impose their opinions on everyone. In an ideal situation I definitely think homeschooling would be best, but in our situation right now it just isn't. If you feel it isn't for you situation right now then do what's best for YOUR family. You can always reevaluate later if you want to. I think my kids are really going to enjoy school (private Christian school) and I'm sure yours will to.

[UUMom]

Well, I *am* a hser, but with a child in school. (Small private one). My hsers and I ejoy doing things at his school (art shows, plays, poetry readings etc) and feel welcomed there. I am at peace with it. Hsing wasn't right for this particular child...well, more like this particular school was right for this particular child. I don't think just any school would work for him. I'm just glad we had this school option, believe me.

[Astoria]

I've read about homeschooling and unschooling for years. And by "read" I mean seriously, read everything I could get my hands on from that huge tome on Classical education through the Skylark Sings with Me and all in between. I've even ordered and reviewed curriculum. But right now while I'm finishing graduate school, my kids are at a small private progressive cooperative school (parents in classroom at least 3-4 hours per week).

I used to be gung ho on homeschooling, but this progressive school is pretty wonderful for my kids at the moment. The school is flexible, they listen to me, we can do what we like (as in, not do homework if we think its unhelpful, etc...). There's no grades or testing. And the model of education is allowing the child to choose where they want to work and what they want to do with their day for chunks of time (interspersed with extras like art and music). So various things are set up in the class, from cooking meals to projects, to someone sitting there to read or work with kids -- and they choose what they would like to do, including play or work with friends. They are expected to do some reading and some math at some point during the week. My youngest chooses no gym and that's fine with all. They have circles where any issues or problems are talked out, but these are child-led -- the children pass something to determine who speaks next and they resolve all issues without adult interference. So far this year we've had no problems, no instances of bullying or being left out, no instances of stress or worry. The only drawback I've seen is that my older son is aware, from being in the classroom, that he is not reading on the same level as many of his same-age peers. But, on the other hand, at school he's really being brave and coming out of his shell (he's very shy) in ways I hadn't imagined. And choosing work I wouldn't have expected (he's more interested in math than I would have expected.)

I'm still guessing that we will homeschool at some point -- we're taking things a year at a time. And this school is very expensive for us, so we may have to take time off. But for now, its going wonderfully well. We'll see.

So that's a long winded way of saying, yup, I'm there with you. Feel affiliated with homeschoolers and hugely supportive of homeschooling. Feel like its in our future. But its not in our present.

[ManiacMama]

I understand what you mean and I feel the same way. We hs for 2 years and the 2 oldest are in school this year. It's been both positive and negative. My eldest and I clashed at home. A lot. While we homeschooled successfully, I felt, it was really stressful and overwhelming for me a good portion of the time and I got burnt out. This child is very competitive and I felt that the external motivation provided in a classroom could be good for him. It has, but along with this we have all the negatives of school like the poor attitudes, loss of innocence, loss of family time, kids being concerned about having what their friends have and being "into" the newest show or hottest thing, and the list goes on and on. Also, both my kids in school are on the high achieving end and school has been boring for them academically. Much funding is poured into public schools for special ed, but little or no for GT so my kids are losing motivation from lack of challenge. Now that we are nearing the end of this year we are really at a wash and I was totally unsure of what to do next year (continue or bring them back home). I am unconvinced the trade-offs for us were worth what we got out of this experience.

Then, recently, I found out a new little charter school is opening in our area. This charter school offers differential instruction (learning at their own level in their learning style; each child is tested for all this at the beginning of the year and has an individual learning plan). It instructs in a Classical method, year round schedule, school uniforms, foreign language instruction K-12, and a really small environment in which parents must volunteer a certain number of hours per year. If I could design my own school it would look much like this. So they boys have been enrolled and we'll see how it goes. If it doesn't work out we will homeschool again.

At heart, I'm still a homeschooler though. I miss all the reading and family time we used to have. I fantisize about going back to it. A lot. But I also know that the fantasy is different from the reality we experienced.

[marsmom]

I'd thought about hs on and off, but it was always an "at some point" kind of thing. DD1 enjoyed nursery and is now settling well in kindergarten, she comes out happy every day. Her public school is K-6, but pretty small, with mixed age classes (2 yrs mixed). The class size is huge (26-28), but with 2-3 teachers/assts. And it's a long day - 8:45am until 3:10pm! She has been really excited about learning to read. She occasionally mentions other different concepts that she's learning, but I rarely get any detail on what she's been doing (which is hard for me - not knowing what she's doing and learning all day (they have parent-teacher conferences 2x a yr for 10 minutes)). This year also seems to have been a lot about socialization, making friends, figuring out recess time, all of that.

By far the biggest drawback for us about school is the daily grind. I feel like during vacation time (spent at home), we're in this lovely groove - they wake up around 7, get dressed themselves, head down to their playroom, lots of self-motivated learning during the day, no fuss getting them to bed usually because they've been active all day. Versus school days. I have to drag them out of bed just before 8, shove on each item of clothing because they refuse to cooperate, yell them down the stairs to breakfast, and so it deteriorates... It's a struggle to get them up in the morning and a struggle to get them to bed at night. I am generally a pretty calm and patient mother, but the morning and evening routines test every last nerve I have. We all strongly dislike being on a fixed schedule all week. The two days she does sports classes after school to get more physical activity, there's no time for anything else but dinner and bed. Even the other days she only has maybe 1-2 hours of free time. Nowhere near enough for a creative 5 yr old!! And little time for family activities beyond dinner and bedtime stories (ok, we managed to make mozzarella together yesterday but only because I set up everything before I picked her up and even then we ate dinner too late as a result).

So I have been thinking much more seriously about hs. I have mentioned it casually to dd1 but she has shown no interest. To be fair, we moved country last year, they've both had to change schools twice and make new friends twice, it is an awful lot to ask to force such a big change again. Then I have my own self-doubt- would I get too stressed out being around them all day without any alone-time? Both dds are very strong-willed and I worry that we would all drive each other crazy if we were together every day all day. Plus we're thinking about having a third so that would be a huge factor. Sorry, I'm writing a book here, can you tell I've been thinking about this alot lately? Hope some of this was helpful for your situation...

[UUMom]

I had another realization today that once again reminded me why we do what we do. My 14 yr old ds' school did perforamce art tongiht. The upper school kids were unbelieveably creative with it. They had freedom to create, and they had the inspiration of some caring adults to help them put it all together. My son's group did a heart-wrenching poem about a homeless man...very thoughtful, not condescending...and they set it to Cannon in D. With 3 electric guitars, and a snare drum. It was amazing, and they are all only middle school age. My ds is on fire.

So what do I want to say...I think I want to say that there are good people out there in schools who care about kids...who treat them with respect...even in a school setting. I am saying it can be ok. There is nothing perfect out there, but if you can find a good fit...some thoughtful people...it's not got to be the horror show we see on Fox or CNN.

Sometimes we have to choose school, sometimes we want to choose school, and sometimes children actually enjoy such a setting. We don't always need to be afraid.

[mags]

What in interesting thread. My oldest is 4 and so far we have been HSing and I planned to continue HSing. However, I must admit, in the past few wks, I've started to waver more on my decision to HS. My DH is supportive, but I am finding it difficult for my son to socialize with kids his age, b/c they are ALL in preschool. He is a very social child, I think he would love being around other kids, but he is also a little bit awkward around other children his own age. I've seen him get rejected by other preschool children pretty regularly when he does get a chance to play with them and I can't help but wonder if our decision to HS him has played a role in that or if those kids are just playing mean. Yes, I know that the, "weird HS kid" stereotype is a stereotype, but it is something that keeps nagging me, b/c nobody wants their kid to be the, "weird" one. It seems that he either plays better with younger kids (his brother's age) or much older kids (who are willing to play with him), and let him tag along. I don't know whether I should continue to HS for another yr and if I still have the same feelings, enroll him into K, or let him try preschool to see how things go. I just hate the idea of him being enrolled into school and then we end up pulling him out, b/c it wasn't working. However, I also feel that maybe I am being too judgemental about school, b/c I haven't technically even let my kids try it out yet to see if it will work out for them or not.

I love the idea of HSing, I've read up LOTS about it, told everyone we are HSing (since everyone wonders why he isn't in preschool), and think that it would be awesome for my family. We loosely HS now and provide a very enriched environment for our kids. However, I'm starting to get cold feet, and I'm also finding that I butt heads with my 4 yr old *ALL* of the time, which frustrates me so much. Not that school would fix that, but if he was anything like what I was as a kid, I constantly butted heads with my mom, but I was the perfect student at school, behaviorally and academically (although I was the kind of kid who got bullied a lot, and I do fear my kids will go through what I went through, since they are growing up in a rural area like I did, where they are non-white). I don't know. I can understand your situation. In my heart, I think HSing is the best, but I am exhausted at this point already having been a SAHM ever since my oldest was born. It's draining, yes I am happy to be at home for my kids, but at the same time they are slowly driving me crazy and I don't feel like I get any time to myself. My kids are both very bright, I think they will be ok at school, but I'm afraid they will learn to hate how mundane school is and lose that love of learning. I am also very unsure of myself, b/c there are no secular HSing groups in our area, we do not fit in at all with the other HSing groups, I feel very much a loner and the few secular HSers I do know have all bit the dust and enrolled their kids into school. If I had a HSing group, I feel that I would feel like I had more support, but as of now I feel like very much a loner and maybe I am not strong enough to HS like I thought I would be.

[BoyGirlTwinsAPMama]

Yes, everything you said mags, except we're white and secular and don't fit in b/c we're organic crunchy and too kind and compassionate and non-striving. But we will be going one to Waldorf Kindy and one to the Gifted School b/c she is just too much NEEDING to learn more right now or will pop off her brother's head. We will see how it goes next year for Kindy and will make adjustments as necessary as we get into the school year. My heart is breaking. I don't want to lose my kids to the "system". I'm tortured with guilt. But somehow I think they are going to LOVE it. And for sure, we can hs whenever they want to! I really think they need more friends every single day though and it's been impossible where we live socially and I have VERY SOCIAL kids on my hands. They come home from a 2 hour science class wanting MORE kids, MORE playtime with kids, MORE MORE MORE. Hs'ing isn't working for us at this point in time. Perhaps I gave them the best early childhood years at home but maybe now they are ready to go on that journey outside of our home to be a tad daring for a few hours a day. I will wait and see how it goes.

[sofiabugmom]

Yes, yes, yes! But my reason for sending DD to kindergarten is pretty cut and dry: Everyone here sends their kids to school, so she'd have no one over the age of three to play with.

At home, we had a marvelous HS community, lots of activities and friends around her age. So it's breaking my heart a little to send her to school every day. But she does come home happy most of the time (heck, life's not perfect) and she is learning quite a bit, talking about her classmates. So it's not as bad as it could have been. But I'm so looking forward to going back to the States to homeschool!

[MamaMonica]

I have one in school and one at home. My youngest is just so...energetic and needing more than I could give him. I'm not sure this school is going to work long term but for now it does. I would rather homeschool both of them but school is the best place for him now.

[SonyBaby]

Thank you all for your replies as I certainly do not feel like the only mother with a torn heart. I guess what I'm hearing is that there's no true way to prepare myself for the road ahead, and to just tackle the issues as they come up....

These chartered schools sound like they would be a good alternative if I was in the States, but I am not and cannot afford private school (which I don't necessarily think is any better) what with 4 kids in the system.

So I guess I won't be the only one holding my breath come September when my 5yo gets on that school bus.....and returns only 8 hours later At least DH & I are on the same page as to how important our family rituals will become to our bond with the kids and hope to complement their thirst for knowledge (outside the classroom) as we do our own when we are together. So I guess that would be HSing part-time? Is that actually doable? We'll see.....

[love2all]

Good luck sonybaby-
I too am a complete unschooler at heart BUT I have 2 dcs in school-
we are fortunate to have a charter school based on the principles of Outward Bound- all experiential, hands-on outdoor education.
My kids love the experience of being with other children and I have to admit, as busy as we kept when hsing, they do more before 10 am at school!!!!!
Just go with your heart and know you can always change your mind!!
peace mama

[guest^]

Popping in here(gee..no pun intended!).....

I have HSed my DD since Kinder, and she is a fifth grader. I never imagined HSing past grade school, but DD now has special needs, and so our HS journery will continue.

However! We are discerning whether to send our DS-currently HSed Kinder- to school next year for first grade. My biggest concern, is that we are discovering that he is a strong visual-spatial learner, and is *highly* gifted when it comes to anything...balls. I can tame and nurture that now. I will take him to the golf course, and he will hit about 100 balls on the range, or to the 'Y', to shoot hoops for over an hour-and cries when we have to leave. He is constantly putting indoors on a little putting green we got him. I don't want him to be singled out for this gift, or bored because his imagination and intelligence is way above the average kinder(even though he isn't reading yet at 6.5 yo-just no interest in formal learning). But, I can't keep him at home under the circumstances.

I too feel indoctornated(sp?) by the HSing community/academia-I have to fight my fears and doubts that I will kill his love of learning, or his precious spirit-if I send him to school.

And FWI-Like Heavenly, I too have HSed all of these years ,while battling various illnesses. I am beyond burned out, and feel stuck having to HS our DD. :-( I kinda feel now, that,well, I started it, now I have to finish it.

mp

[InstinctiveMom]

Count me in this heart/mind disruption as well
We e been planning to hs since ds1 was BORN. We did home-preschool for a year and then a new, tuition-free charter school opened a campus locally and so we decided to check it out. They are heavy on math (which I LOATHE), Science (which I never really "got") and technology (which I love, but let's face it, my 4 year old is better at a lot of techie stuff than I am, lol).
After some discussion (read: a lot of intense, soul-searching debating of pros & cons between me and dh), we decided to give it a shot and just "see". Truthfully, I FULLY expected to be homeschooling in truth within a couple of weeks, but....
it's now nearing the end of K for LittleBoyBlue and we've had a GREAT year. The school is VERY open to having parents involved (like IN THE CLASS involved) and I am up there at a minimum, twice a day, plus committees and PTO.

I still feel funky leaving him most days - but I refuse to just drop him at the door - I still park and walk him into the cafeteria and wait till the bell rings and his teacher gets the class before I leave every day - I feel better with that unspoken "Okay, YOU now have care of my child until I come pick him up from you this afternoon" interaction with his teacher every morning, lol.

Like some of the other mamas have said - we're taking it week by week. Any problems (none really, so far) or potential problems are dealt with that day so they don't become real problems - overall, I'm happy enough with the school to be sending LittleBoyBlue back and have regstered PeaGreen for K in the fall.

I think that being and staying VERY involved helps me feel more connected. I email or send notes to his teacher weekly - sometimes daily, volunteer for chaperone duty, attend afterschool meetings, clubs, etc - anything I can do to help facilitate his success at school and to keep his teacher and I both on the same page with him, I am willing to do.

It's harder for me to get back into the reoutine of school after holidays and I am REALLY looking forward to summer break. But I have to say that we're enjoying "school" in ways I NEVER thought we would.

Another thing is that my boys are close in age - 19months apart - and having this last year with PeaGreen all to myself during the day has been LOVELY, and I think it's helped both boys recognize how much they like playing wit each other, and also how much they can do on their own.

Anyway - I'm rambling lol...

[Noah's mommy]

I feel this way AND I am a teacher! I teach second grade and have a 4 year old DS and 2 year old DD. I read many, many books about homeschooling, curriculum, and peruse the hsing forums. I believe at this point I will continue working as a teacher but I also see my job/responsibility as educating my son during our time together. So we do lots of trips, use lots of art supplies, books, etc...and really use our summer (dh is a teacher too) to explore interests. To this end we took jobs teaching in Brazil partially because of the experiences we could offer our kiddos by being in a different culture for a few years. It didn't hurt they have a great school for my kids too. I truly believe (as a parent and a teacher) that learning doesn't end when the bell rings (many times it is just beginning) and I try to live that for myself and support the parents of the students in my classroom the same way. In some ways it is the only way I could make peace with our situation-I love the book Guerilla Learning as inspiration for this!

[Nature]

For years I researched and really was in love with unschooling. And I still am. : However, my 9 yo is excelling in 4th grade public school and my 4 yo will be going to K in the fall. For my children this works. Homeschooling would not be a good fit. They both THRIVE in total structure and total planned out days and I just can't function that way in my head. I tried so hard to, but I simply cannot.

And they love their teachers now. (dd is in public preschool) She wakes up every morning and wants to go to school. She is SO happy about school that it borders on annoying for me.

[mags]

Well, as an update, I guess we are officially researching preschools now. We technically HS'd one yr of preschool and IMO did really well. I think that what I might lack is doing the artsy crafty stuff, my kids like doing it, but not projects that I try to help them with, they just want to do whatever they want to do, and I guess it drives the type A in me nuts. The sad part is that I am getting burned out. Not with the teaching part, but my two boys in general just wear me out, and being with them everyday all day long.

So, we'll try preschool for my oldest, who is 4 and see how he does. If at any pt we need to pull him out to HS, I won't hesitate at all to do so. I guess that we will be the types who try out school and if it doesn't work out, go from there. Not what I had originally envisioned, but I guess the good thing is that I am still open to the idea of HSing in the future. I talked to a friend of mine who HS, and she has always sent her kiddos to preschool and then HS'd them. She told me not to worry about it, b/c we can decide to HS a few yrs from now and it won't make much of a difference. It helped me to put things into perspective. I have to admit that I have been feeling like a heavy wt has been lifted off my shoulders ever since I talked to my DH and we decided to have our oldest give preschool a try in the autumn and I feel like we have something to look forward to. I am still all about doing fun learning activities with my kids though and I think that technically we will be one of those families whose kids go to school, but we are still kind of HSing too by doing a lot of extra enrichment activities and experiences. I too believe that learning doesn't stop when the bell rings.

[InstinctiveMom]

((Mags))
I'm glad you found some peace with the decision!
Keep in mind that it's one day at a time. This isn't a permanent thing (either way) that can't be re-thought or adjusted based on the needs of your kiddos and what works best for your family. It's okay (good and encouraged, even!) to try things on and see how they fit. To me, the main point is to be flexible and attentive. If it isn't working, or your "mommy warning bell" goes off (even if things ARE working out), you can change it!