I wasn't going to post, and I am probably going to make you feel even more angry, but I couldn't get your DN out of my mind. Whether you like it or not, you are a part of this child's family and partly responsilble for his well being when you allow your BIL to 'dump' him on you for free child care. (which FWIW I think is irresponsible of him to do) If you don't want the responsbility, which is my impression from all the anger in your posts, then put your foot down and say so.
Originally Posted by diamond lil
My BIL would kill me for even thinking about aplogising to his kid. Picture this:
"Nephew, thank you so much for liberating that $400.00 from my kitchen counter. And thank you for sharing it with the kid down the street. That's so noble. I apologise for using my kitchen counter for anything other than your exclusive entertainment and amusement. Thank you, dear nephew, for the lesson in humility. As a token of my gratitude, I have bought you a new Wii. Please accept my apology and try to forgive me."
Sure you are sarcastically funny here, but would you really accept an apology like this from ANYONE? How would you feel if you rec'd an apology like this?
If I were an aunt or a parent of the DN in question, I would see an apology as a way to get us both on the same side, to both shoulder the burden of the mistake together. "I'm sorry that I left that money out that was so tempting to you to take. It was careless of me to leave such an important thing out. I want you to remember to leave things alone when they don't belong to you, okay? And if you see something out that looks important, maybe something fragile or valuable, let me know right away so that I can check it out and make sure it gets put away safely. I really appreciate you helping me keep an eye on things, especially with the new baby coming." Would your BIL have an objection to this apology, offered lovingly and sincerely? How do you think your DN would react to this approach?
Originally Posted by diamond lil
I just wanted to clarify - we (myself and DH) did not revoke the birthday party. My BIL (nephew's father) did. We did not suggest it. I don't think you implied this, Potty Diva, I just wanted to clarify for others who may not have read all the posts. We will still mail a card and buy a gift like we do every year.
The fact remains that if the money had not been left out, the party would not have been cancelled. How do you feel about the party being cancelled? How would you feel about going to your BIL and letting him know that you don't think it is necessary to cancel the party? Maybe your BIL would decide to lighten up on your DN. You could say something like, "You know, BIL, I think we all overreacted when DN took that money. It was alarming to think we could have lost it, but we have it back now, no harm done. I've given it some thought and I don't think your son really understood the value of what he took, and he is always such a good, well-behaved kid when I spend time with him. It was careless of us to leave that money out anyway. I want you to know that you don't have to cancel his birthday party for my sake, in fact, I would rather that he have it. Think about it--he has a new baby in the house and I know that he is having trouble getting along with his stepmother. I think we should show him we love him and support him even when he makes mistakes, and if you still feel it is necessary, discipline him in another way."
I hope this helps.