MIL rant

[xekomaya]

gah! My MIL just "stopped by" on her way somewhere to drop off a gift for me ... I met her downstairs and found she was with 2 of her friends - they all insisted on coming upstairs. My house is completely embarrassing. I'm in the middle of cooking chili and have pots everywhere + stuff from this weekend I haven't finished cleaning up yet. The covers are off all the furniture being washed, etc etc...

So she and her friends push their way upstairs. She gave them a tour of my house!!! Her friends are peeking in my bedroom. I'm sure they saw the look of shock on my face but I didn't even have the words ...

Then she insisted she had to pee - I got my toilet clogged with "flushable" cat litter that doesn't always work and was going to just wait for DH to fix it - so I told her she couldn't. She said she "was going to have to anyway"!!! And then one of her friends said "me too" ... the WTF. Seriously WTF. Now my toilet is beyond gross. If cat litter wasn't enough I have 2 strangers pee to deal with? I want to cry. And, neither washed their hands.

I want to throw up and scrub my entire house floor to ceiling simultaneously.

How insanely beyond rude to bring company into anyone's home unannounced, let alone a woman 39 weeks pregnant.

The only thing I can think is that this is good practice. I'm going to be 10x more prepared now once the baby is born to tell her no she can't come over, no she can't come upstairs, no no no no no!

The only good thing - the gift she brought over was from her sister (who I like a lot!). Its a bunch of hand knits made from local handspun wool dyed with veggie dyes. So sweet and thoughtful, and really really cute too!

[splath]

How disrespectful and rude! It really sounds like something my MIL would do. I'm sorry mama It does sound like you got a great gift out of the deal though

[nutbee]

hey your home sounds like my home! You'd think people would be deterred from dropping by unexpectedly by your condition and your's home's condition (I'm pretty sure I've scared off unexpected visitors with cat litter before ). I'd agree, it was a good exercise in keeping your cool. At least MIL got the first rule of sudden drop ins - bring a gift! (even if it wasn't from her).

[ZoshaMosha]

OMG! I don't know whether to laugh or cry for you! Your MIL was pretty rude, I must say.

[spookymama]

Wow. You poor thing. that definitely doesn't sound fun at all! :/

For warned is forearmed. I am so sorry that she treated you with little regard. On the upside though, now that you know whats coming.. you are less likely to be put in an awkward position by her post partum!

[Jennisee]

Wow, that's crazy. But at least you got a nice gift out of it, and you're better prepared to deal with her later!

[Datura]

OMG what a cow. I thought I had it rough with all my family/IL's staring at me like a friggin' watched pot.

[Organicavocado]

Ugh. Your poor potty.

I get mortified when anyone sees my house a mess. Everyones house is a mess 90% of the time, I wonder why we are so worried about it.. still, WTF at your MIL. You are too kind, I would have been shoo-ing people out with a long blunt object.

[2swangirls]

If your not up to a visit just don't open the door next time. when she calls later tell her you must of been in the shower.

[paphia]

Dayum. I wouldn't hesitate to thank her for bringing the gift and then in the same breath let her know how unbelievably rude her impromptu tour was and that you have every expectation that she will not do anything like that ever again.

*Trust me* when I say being a little harsh with the ILs pays off big time when they simply can't respect your boundaries. They just don't let it sink in any other way. My MIL is *still* pushing all my boundaries that I've laid down with her after more than four months of being in the same house every day. It's just crazy. Be strong and stick up for yourself!

[xekomaya]

Originally Posted by Datura

OMG what a cow.

Exactly!

Originally Posted by paphia

*Trust me* when I say being a little harsh with the ILs pays off big time when they simply can't respect your boundaries.

I'm absolutely taking your advice. I feel bad complaining compared with everything you've been dealing with. You're really a saint.

I spent the next hour and a half scrubbing the bathroom top to bottom before we went to the pediatrician (total flop btw, I need to keep looking). I tried to gently mention to DH that I was upset at her behavior & that the whole situation was unacceptably rude, but being the sweetheart that he is, he apologized himself and said he probably forgot to tell me she was with her friends -- but I know he didn't know ahead of time. It wouldn't have changed anything even if someone had told me. I can't imagine inviting my friends into someone's house ...
I guess I'm going to have to deal with this somehow .. I'm not alone with her very often and I'm not usually so confrontational to save it up the whole subject for the minute we're alone together, but I can't think of any other way to do it. In the meantime, I might just mention to FIL that we won't be having any visitors for at least a week after the baby arrives and that we will schedule something after that point for when we're ready -- he'll understand and if not I'll just mention breastfeeding and not wearing a shirt for a while :-P

Oh and OT, but this pediatrician.. he was "cool" as everyone said, and is pro-vax, but okay with non-vaxing parents, 95%of his moms breastfeed, etc.. All nice except that he doesn't exactly practice medicine. He gives out parenting advice and if your child has a real medical issue or emergency, he sends you to the local medical center and there is another pediatrician that will do the actual doctoring. Even all that I could maybe deal with, until I spoke with him about getting an apnea monitor and he told me I didn't need it. 'Cause ya know, the fact that my family has lost a baby to SIDS every generation except for me, I was saved by the monitor -- the monitoring is too interventive and unnecessary until we see if the baby actually has sleep apnea. Of course, lets just hurry up and get that HepB vax because you just never know when he/she might start having sex or sharing needles...

[New_Natural_Mom]

: Sending you scare off MIL vibes. My MIL and her mom came by today to see the baby. She looked at me like I was crazy when I asked her to wash her hands before touching the baby. I was being nice and let her hold him, then she wouldn't let go. She kept talking to him in a stupid baby voice and when he got the hiccups said it must be because mommy's been drinking. : I asked her not to play with his feet b/c he has had SO MANY blood draws in the last week for blood sugar and bilirubin, but did she listen - no. She messed with them anyway and kept picking at him constantly. She almost dropped him and was coughing all over him. I wanted to scream at her to get out of my house. She was here for over 4 hours!!! I finally told my husband he had to get them out or I would, and if I did it wouldn't be pretty. I am so grateful they live 2.5 hours away. I am hoping we don't have to see them much.

Hang in there. Hide if you have to. Don't answer the door or if she tries to come up, I would put my hand up in her space and say now is not a good time. I wasn't expecting company and can't entertain right now. Perhaps we can schedule something in the future, but I can't do this right now. Put your foot down now. Every chance you let pass by to establish boundaries is an opportunity for confusion. I KNOW it is easier said than done, but talk to your DP as well. Make sure he lets his mom know in no uncertain terms what she did was inappropriate. Present a united front.