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Feeling very unsupported  

post #1 of 12
4/15/08 at 2:23am
Thread Starter 
I need to get this out. So bear with me....

At my 40+ hour failed induction last week, my DH was with me a total of 1 hour. Thats if you don't count the 15 minutes he came with all my kids and his parents. Other than that he left me there to deal with it by my self. His parents came to help and he wouldn't leave the kids with them to help me. I and my midwife feel like this is why I couldn't get my induction going. Fast forward to today where he's pissed off about me having to drive 60 miles round trip for my midwife appointments a few times a week. He demanded that I transfer back to the crappy OB/midwife practice here and told me to get over to the hospital and get induced today. I'm just floored. My BP was up 166/110 today and I got put on bed-rest until tomorrow when I can see my midwife and hes yelling at me to switch my midwife to an OB because my midwife doesn't know what she's doing because she lived in Mexico for a few years and delivered babies there (She is a fully certified and qualified CNM) He's demanding that I go to a MD because only a MD will know how to treat me and the baby and I wouldn't still be pregnant right now.

Sigh, so is this just the male way of freaking out because he's worried about me? Or am I married to a total jerk? Is this why he's basically boycotting my birth because he dosen't want me to have a midwife? Sigh, this is pure hell. All I wanted was a peaceful easy birth with out a horrible tramatic rape from a brute of a MD like my last 5 births, and he can't support me. I can't handle this stress. I have no family to come up and support me. I seriously want to go have my baby in the woods. I wish I wasn't too chicken to do it.
post #2 of 12
4/15/08 at 2:29am
I really hope his own hangups arent what is causing him to act this way. That always makes me so angry.

-sigh- I wish I had some sort of advice for you. Have you said to him what you said in your last sentence here? Is there time to change his mind and get him to support you or do you think youre on your own?

And, do you have a doula?

I'm so sorry. <3.
post #3 of 12
4/15/08 at 2:33am
Thread Starter 
He was so very supportive with all my other births, so its my best guess its the midwife.

I don't have a doula yet, but I did call one today and she's going to meet with me tomorrow. I don't know if I can afford to pay her though, so I might be back to square one there.

Talking to him is like trying to have a conversation with a brick wall, it dose not matter what I say, it won't change a thing.
post #4 of 12
4/15/08 at 5:25am
Is your MIL still there to help? Maybe invite her to be your support - might help your husband see the light.
post #5 of 12
4/15/08 at 5:48am
Thread Starter 
No everyone is gone. I don't have any idea who will even watch my kids if I go into labor

.
post #6 of 12
4/15/08 at 11:45am
Hey Momma I wish I was there with you
post #7 of 12
4/15/08 at 11:52am
Get a blood pressure cuff and take your BP when he's gone, then take it after you're around him and show him HE is the biggest problem in the whole situation....if he's a visual creature like my DH, seeing the numbers will wake him up, back off of you and change his attitude. Do this a few times so he sees a pattern. I really don't think he wants to be blamed for complications with labor and birth for the rest of his life. We women NEVER forget anything!
post #8 of 12
4/15/08 at 1:01pm

I am so sorry you are going through this so near labor!
Maybe ask him for clarification what he expects for this birth, so you know exactly what his side of things are and you can make a plan for yourself. Don't tell him or respond to what he says unless he asks (which he probably won't?), just make sure you understand his point of view, so you can make the best plan for your situation. and then stick with that plan, so you can have the peaceful birth you should have.

I hope it is that he is worried for you and the baby...
post #9 of 12
4/15/08 at 2:08pm
you always *could* remind him that, if it bothers him that you're STILL pregnant, he might want to recall that he played a role in getting you that way in the first place. :

I'm sorry he's being such a UAV. I hope he comes around, or that you find your way without his support.
post #10 of 12
4/15/08 at 2:57pm
Sounds like he's hormonal. Seriously, my DH can get that way too - he gets himself all worked up and worried, and then just about nothing will help until he "fixes" the problem.
Maybe he really is concerned about you and babe, and wants to hold the baby just as much as you do. He probably is at the point where he really thinks the only way you will ever have that baby is if you're induced in a hospital. If he wants to "fix" the problem by sending you to a hospital, maybe he needs more info on what you've tried/want to try/what works, and give him a job to do related to that.
Come to think of it, my dad was the same way when my little bro was overdue - and he is totally against hospitals.

Sending you communication vibes with your DH, and labor vibes for you!
post #11 of 12
4/15/08 at 3:48pm
post #12 of 12
4/15/08 at 4:12pm
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