roll call, a new one!

[Still_Snarky]

i'm sure there are a bunch of new people and a lot of changed circumstances since the last roll call...howsabout a new one?

i'm celeste and 26. i have two kiddos: dd parker is four, ds lorenzo is two. i've been a single mom since my ex (bk) left for another woman 11/06 after 11 years together. bk has sporadic contact with the kids (10 hours/week at most) and is constantly making comittments he can't keep. he stopped paying child support of any kind about a year ago. : we attempted mediation for many months and i finally filed with dcss in 11/07. i have an awesome lawyer and we'll be appearing before the commissioner on october 1st!

i own an organic chocolate business (with a good friend), am a grader for the english department at the high school i graduated from, write test questions for a small publishing company and watch a 3 year old part time. :yawning:

i have a wonderful boyfriend who i've been with for 10 months. he's the other parent in my kids' lives, seven days a week. also, he has an almost 7 year old son that we have on the weekends. our three get along swimmingly! :

[Zoso]

Hi Celeste! I'm Katie. I'm 25 and have a beautiful 6 month old dd named Lily.

My ex walked out about one month before I found out I was pregnant and shacked up with the girl that worked at the 7-11 in front of our apartment. Lol kind of like a soap opera isn't it?

I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 5 1/2 months along due to having PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Because of this I had absolutely no symptoms and even continued going through my menstrual cycles, plus I was told by a doctor that I would never have children without serious medical help. So needless to say, Lily is my little miracle child! (Did I mention I was also still on the pill?)

So now I have this amazing child who has changed my life in absolutely everyway imaginable and I'm completely thankful to have her in my life. Her father sees her for about an hour once a week and doesn't pay anything, but that's ok because I know and am quite comfortable doing it all on my own. I have amazing support from my family and friends.

I just starting seeing a guy about a month ago after talking to him online and through text messages for 3 months. He only lives about an hour away and so far seems amazing. I'm really loving getting into the whole dating thing again! :He has an adorable 2yo dd who he is absolutely amazing with and seems to be going through the same issues with his ex ( she doesn't really want to be a mother and leaves dd at home while she parties every night, doesn't have a job or a place to live etc.) Unfortunately he's not able to get full custody, but he has 50/50 right now and usually ends up having her for longer periods as his ex always calls with an excuse with not being able to pick her up or take her. It's really very sad, but amazing to see how much he loves his dd and how much he does for her. So far things between the two of us are clicking in every possible way and I'm super excited to see where things go.

Right now I'm back in school while I'm on maternity leave (no better time to do it!) and spend my nights up late doing schoolwork ter a long and rewarding day playing with and acting as a pillow to my beautiful angel.

I've only been checking into this forum for the last month or so and I absolutely love it! Love hearing about everyone and getting the advice I need. Thanks for this lovely website! It's incredible!

P.S. Did I mention I love all the smilies?

[cjuniverse]

Hi Celeste and Katie!

I'm CJ (Claire). I have a totally awesome little girl-boy (who just turned 2!! ). His father and I are still legally married, and will remain so for at least another year probably, but we have been separated for almost a year. He is a wonderful and dedicated father, and we have transitioned into co-parenting very easily. We both understand that he comes first.

I have a wonderful boyfriend I've been with for nearly 6 months. We live together. My son stays with me during the day Monday through Saturday, then goes home with his father at night, and all day Sunday.

Complicated, crappy issues with my family have pushed us into this living situation (my ex still lives with my grandmother and keeps our son there overnight and all day Sunday...yeah). It sucks, but we're dealing with it as best we can. I'm trying to find full-time work and am not anticipating the kind of strain it's going to put on my relationship (both nursing and emotional) with my son.

Still, though, we're relatively happy. So glad to be free of a loveless marriage (and away from my extremely toxic family...looking forward to the day my ex and son won't have to deal with them, either!), and overall my kid has adjusted very well.

That's it. Here I am.

[whateverdidiwants]

I'm Dana and my dd will be 6 on Thursday.

My ex and I got divorced in November after being married for over 10 years. So far, it's gone very smoothly - the divorce was completed in 3 months, he lives about 5 miles away and sees dd probably 5 days a week (a little in the evenings during the week, and overnight once a weekend).

I was dating someone long distance, but we recently ended it, so it looks like I'm back in the pool again.

[JustVanessa]

Hi! I am Vanessa, I have one sone who is just about 3. I split from his dad in July of 06. I have been dating my dp since Aug of 06 and our first is due in June. I know I am technically not a single mama, but I find a lot of support in this forum regarding dealing with ex, divorce etc.
I am a SAHM and love it. I will continue to SAH for the next few years.

[cycle]

Hi! I'm Cycle, I have been around here for a long time, since before ds was born, getting lots of great advice. My baby is now 3 , I have been a single momma since the beginning, his "father" has not seen him in over two years, prior to that it was a handful of times, he has never paid child support and I don't expect him to.

I got back into the dating scene several months ago and met a wonderful man (very surprised), we have been seeing each other for a couple of months and things are really good. DS loves him, he is great with ds, it seems like we have been together forever. I actually never thought it would happen, I just wanted to get out and hang out with an adult for a while and we fell in love.

[Avani]

Hi mama's! I am Avani and i am a single mama of 5 little kids. I had an abusive partner who i finally left over a year ago now. I moved far away and started over with nothing but the kids and I. I am finally feeling settled and content in my new life. It took a long time to get where i am, but it was so worth it. I started seeing a man that i casually knew about a month ago and things are going well. We seem to like each other alot and we enjoy each other's company. He is lovely and sweet. I feel blessed to meet such an amazing man who supports me on this journey.

My ex had cut off all contact with the kids about 2 months ago but surprise! he called last night. He yelled at me and never asked about the kids and i just hung up. It felt good but it disturbs my energy balance. I am still recovering from it. I get no child support from him and he has not seen the kids since we left.

[mmace]

Hey everyone! I'm Marissa. I'm 34 and I have three kids. My oldest daughter is 14 and in eighth grade, my boy just turned 10 and is in third grade, and my little girl just turned 5 and is finishing up preschool. I'm a SAHM with two part-time jobs! I clean our church, takes about four hours a week and I can do it whenever I want (as long as it's clean Sunday morning!) and I can take my kids with me. I also was just appointed our township tax collector about a month ago. I have four hours a week where I have to be in the office (which works fantastic because I do it when my youngest is at preschool) and then just work whenever else I need to. Right now I'm super busy because it's tax time and I'm still learning, and I'm putting maybe 10 hours a week in, but here within the next couple of weeks the four office hours will be more than enough to do what needs to be done.

I've been a single mom for almost five years now. He walked out after ten years of marriage for another woman. Our youngest was four months old at the time and I thought it was truly the end of the world. Our divorce was finalized in February of this year (yep, four and a half years after he left!) with me getting full physical and legal custody and him getting "reasonable visitation". In 2007 he saw the kids four times for a total of about 10 hours the entire year. He's doing better this year - he's seen them 6 times already and has actually taken them places four times - the first time he took them out of my house since October 2005. It's been extremely scary for me, but it is going well. He's also remarried with a new baby on the way, and I really think his new wife has been a good influence. Oh! And last week his first child support payment was automatically deducted and put into my account - he's always paid, but it's never been easy - so this has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders!

After being seperated for almost four year I started dating in May of last year. I agreed to go out with a guy I had known for several years casually, thinking that we would have a lot in common, would become friends, and that we would each then have someone that we could call when things like weddings came up where we "needed" a date. Little did I know that I would fall head over heels with him and that we would be together now planning a future with our kids.

Life is good!

[bu's mama]

Hey mamas - I'm Gwen. I'm in my late 30's & have 1 dd. She is truly the light of my life. I love being a mother & it's the best part of my life.

I've been separated for over 2 years, but it's been just over a year since he moved out of the house. Stbx is not really bad, more apathetic & irresponsible. Oh & a huge problem with lying. He recently moved to an apartment about 5 minutes away & while I thought he'd take more of an interest in spending more time with dd (standard every other weekend & dinner one night during the week), it hasn't panned out that way. We're both in the schools & even over school vacations he doesn't pursue extra time with her.

I'm not at a really great place right now, but I'm working on it. I'm feeling very stressed about working at a job that I dislike & mourning not being able to be a sahm. I do have a lot to be grateful for & I'm trying to focus on those things.

I've just started to be open to the idea of dating & I'd love to meet a good man.

Although I don't post a ton, MDC is a godsend. I love the advice & experiences of all the wise women here.

[wytchywoman]

Hi all,
My name is Michelle, I have 2 fabulous sons. DS 1 is 14 1/2 and his dad lives in FL. He sees him 2-3 x per year and his dad is as supportive as he can be given that he lives on the other side of the continent. DS 2 is 7 and his dad lives in the same town as we do. He sees his dad 2 x per week. ( and as much as I like that my son has regular contact with his dad, I pay for it in spades sometimes in the form of verbal abuse :-( )

I have formal CS arrangements for DS 1 and do not have them for DS 2 ( although I probably should be XP is being relatively cooperative and I don't want to upset the apple cart, KWIM?), so I am (fortunately for me and the kids, unfortunately for all the other mamas out there) one of the lucky few that does receive regular CS.

I work full time as a Special ED TA and then do some odd jobs on the side for extra cash.

And I am extremely happily single. No boyfriends or prospects or anything. I love my uncomplicated love life. lol!!!!!!

[eurobin]

Hi everyone!

I'm Robin. I have a 20 month old daughter, Anna. We've been living in our cozy, happy, girlie house - just the two of us - since the beginning of February. We share the bedroom upstairs and use the second bedroom downstairs as the playroom. We live within walking distance of shops and restaurants and the library and the playground so we're loving this gorgeous spring weather!

I found myself here when I discovered that her dad was cheating on me (again -- this was the 3rd or 4th time) at the beginning of the year. We'd been together since high school and married for 6 years. But we are a prime example of two mostly decent human beings who just didn't belong together. He likes status symbols, he wants the newest iWhatever and a peppy European car. And I am excited about my new compost tumbler and the good deal I got on cloth napkins at Ikea.

However, he's still a pretty good dad... he sees Anna about 3 times a week. And he'd tell you that he thinks I'm a pretty good mom. We're very committed to co-parenting Anna and ensuring that even though our marriage didn't work out, she'll still grow up cherished and nurtured and loved. It's going pretty well and things are cordial between us. We even share a family zoo membership and a Costco membership. And thankfully, he co-sleeps with Anna on the nights that she sleeps at his house and he's very supportive and respectful of our nursing relationship. So while things aren't ideal, it's a pretty good (albeit unconventional) life.

I'm about 6 million miles away from dating. Never say never, but my ex is doing enough dating for the both of us right now. I'm just focusing on enjoying my daughter and my new life.

[One Art]

Hi, I'm Emily and I am 26. My dd1 will be five before kindergarten starts this fall, and dd2 is 17 months.

I've been separated for about 2.5 months now, and am in the midst of some pretty hard stuff... working out details/schedules is horrific, and I will be up for a custody battle.

I'm also working on cobbling together various income sources so that I don't have to have the girls in daycare fulltime. We will see how that goes. I'm also hoping to homeschool dd1 if I manage to get some work from home, but that'll be a fight too.

I am looking forward to the time, say a year from now, when I will feel a lot better about all this. I am in the thick of it right now, and it is awful.

[Danae]

I'm Missa and I haven't been on here in almost 1 1/2 yrs.

Anyway, I am 36 and have a very precocious 4 1/2 year old girl. I have been single since partway through my pregnancy. The "husband" and I still aren't divorced but, he is on a very long vacation so, it doesn't really matter.

I haven't dated in who knows how long. I just don't have the time and I am very very picky about who comes into my daughters life. I don't even know if I am interested at this point although it would be nice to have someone to call occasionally!

[meandmine]

Hi! I just use my initial -- M.

Two girls. Separated physically for 10 months; literally 16 months. Have had my ups and downs and right now is down time. Really want to be at home with my kids and working is tearing me apart and I'm feeling like what I thought was a good support network is disappearing.

So I am VERY glad MDC is here to virtually hold my hand.

Thanks, Ladies!

M

[Rosehip]

Originally Posted by eurobin

He likes status symbols, he wants the newest iWhatever and a peppy European car. And I am excited about my new compost tumbler and the good deal I got on cloth napkins at Ikea.

This made me laugh!! My X just bought a Blackberry (which he does not need for work, and really can't afford) and is always trolling Ebay for new toys, and I'm trying to figure out whether apartment composting might be feasible and scouring freecycle for drying racks so I can use the dryer less which will save on gas...

Sigh. How did we make such mis-matches??


Anyway, I'm a single student mom (career change) to DD, age 3, and DS, age 1. XH and I made the decision to part ways in January, he moved out about 6 weeks ago. I'm lucky to have lots of family support - my parents live less than a mile away and are a huge part of my kids' lives.

The collective wisdom and experience here has been so helpful!

[SabraMamma]

Hi- I'm Sabra. My STBX and I decided to split about 6 weeks ago. It was a very long time coming. Neither of us was happy for many years. I clung to the marriage because I was scared to leave it even though I was so unhappy. I feel so much better knowing that he is not someone I NEED to spend the rest of my life with. Even though we will have a relationship as co-parents, which we are beginning to do well and both are committed to, he soon will not be my husband and that makes me smile. I have 2 DC- DD is almost 8 and DS is 4. They are wonderful and amazing. When STBX and I physically separate in about 1 month, the kids will spend EOW with him and see him 2 afternoons a week but I will have them the rest of the time. Child support has already become a touchy situation for us, as we move forward on our own and with a professional mediator. We are broke and he will be required to pay me CS but he will have very little $ left after that. He also likes having status symbols that he can't necessarily afford. And he too has dated enough women in the last 6 weeks to balance out my lack of desire to date yet. In time...

[Momily]

Hi I'm Momily (sorry I don't do real names online), mom to the world's most wonderful 9 year old boy. DS came to me through infant adoption as a newborn -- I've been single since the beginning.

Things are kind of crazy around here right now, but in a good way. I work full time as a special ed teacher/school administrator, and am looking to add some tutoring hours. DS attends a great crunchy charter school and loves his sports -- hockey, soccer, basketball, tae kwon do. He's also very social so he's often playing at one house or another, or I have a bunch of little boys here.

We've got a lot of support -- friends, neighbors, my mom, his birth grandma . . .

The only thing missing in all this is the second child I've been longing to adopt for about 8 years. Right now I'm not in a financial situation to pay for daycare for a second child, which is why I'm picking up the tutoring. Hopefully in a few years that dream will be complete as well.

[NolaRiordan]

Hi everyone. I've been hanging out here for a few months now. I'm Nola (not my real name, but it works). I have a DD who is 7, and a DS who is 4 and who both bring me more joy on a daily basis than I ever imagined. I was with my stbx for over 20 years, married for 16. I work in academia and he has primarily been a SAHD since my DD was born. Things were rough between us for the last few years. I really wanted the marriage to work and expended lots of energy in trying to improve things. About a year ago he decided to enter into an affair. I actually even put up with that for a while because a) I was an idiot, and b) I *REALLY* wanted my kids to have the happy family with 2 parents in one house that I always dreamed of. I finally had enough and filed for divorce in March. We're still in the house together and will be for some time while everything else is being worked out. It is miserable to say the least and I sometimes wonder how much longer I can do this, but I don't have much of a choice.

[Chantelle691]

Hi everyone, I'm Chantelle. I have one daughter, Delaney. She will be seven in June. I've been divorced since 12/28/07 and am still loving my new freedom.

I'm not dating, not interested in it right now.

My ex has a new girlfriend and they are leaving for Jamaica on Saturday, spending money that he got from me that he - ethically and morally - isn't entitled to based on things that happened in our marriage. But he got it anyway, and I am at peace with that, just struggling with his constant spending of the money. But that's a story for another time.

I have sole physical and joint legal custody. He pays me a pittance in child support and sees our dd every Tuesday night for a few hours and overnight on Friday nights (from dinner to 8AM the next day).

That's the scoop.

[mikaela]

Great thread! I'm totally loving getting to meet you mommas

I'm Mikaela living in the Phila. 'burbs with one 11-year-old son. He's a high-spirited, kinetic, compassionate, high-impact kid who can't get enough movement. He's involved with lots of sports (currently skateboarding, lacrosse, football, kayaking, basketball) and is obsessed with penguins. We're veg*ns, love the ocean, camping and cuddles.

My baby's daddy and I have a good relationship, though it's been hard work getting here -- I'm sure you can all feel me on that one We'd been together seven years (since we were 15) when we broke up in 2000. The first several years were very rough. Typical selfish man crap; irresponsible behavior, not holding a job, not coming around enough, etc. He finally grew up and has been steadily employed and seeing our son regularly for about the past four years.

We have no formal custody or CS arrangements. He gets our son over the weekends (usually Saturday morning through Sunday night) and one day per week (usually Monday after school until bedtime), though he can and often does have him in between. I get a small payment ($200/month) from him in the form of a direct deposit -- something we set up on our own. I know it's not much, but I also know it's what he can afford.

My one objective in our relationship is to do what is best for our son. It's been extremely challenging at times, though I am proud to say that I've always managed to stay positive when talking about/with him in front of the kiddo. Or, at least neutral

Four years ago, my boyfriend and I bought a house and we moved in together. It's been a struggle at times. We actually separated in December '06 (my son and I stayed in the house, he moved in with his mom), but are now back together and better than ever. We never really broke up or dated other people or anything like that, it was more just a separation and regrouping. You can imagine the clashing of egos when we first moved in together: a single mom plus a bachelor equals much stubbornness. Add to that, two full-time work schedules, a house that gave "fixer-upper" a whole new meaning and his going back to school at nights and on the weekends and ay yay ay, mommas -- we were a mess! My son weathered all the changes amazingly. We were always sure to be very empathetic and kept communication wide open. Those tactics absolutely paid off

We've all been back together for a few months now, and are in the middle of brand new changes already. Life's fun like that, don't you think? On Monday, I pulled my son out of school and next week I will be starting a four-day-a-week telecommuting schedule so that I can homeschool him. I have no idea what to expect and have very deliberately let go of trying to schedule, plan or otherwise control this transition. Something that I know all you single mommas understand has been VERY difficult

Of all the forums on Mothering, this is the one where I feel the most kinship and connection. It's on these threads that I most often hear myself saying, "I feel you, sister" and nodding at the computer screen. I know that you all understand, that while single parenting is such an incredible personal struggle (emotionally, financially, psychically, etc.), it is also the single most rewarding job I've ever, or will ever, have.

One love to you mommas!