roll call, a new one! - Page 2

[2sweetboysmom]

I am Joy. I will be 31 at the end of the month. I am a InlandSoCal momma of 3 wonderful boys 6yo, 4yo, and nearly 9mo. I am on here only sporadically at the moment.
I have been separated and filed for divorce for nearly a year now (May 4, 2007) We are working it out "amacabally" and it is taking a while. We were married for 10 years, I had separated from him once before and returned. I thought things were going really well (or as well as they were going to ever get at least) otherwise I would never have let myself get prego again. He has a very different concept of marital faithfulness than I do.I am VERY (perhaps to a fault) monogamous!
My first lawyer was a dud : so I am with a second attny now too. She is great!!
I was 5+months pregnant when I left. My third son was born the end of July. Though many think I was insane to have left while pregnant, having a new little-one has been SUCH a blessing. God knew I would need a sweet smile to wake up to each morning.
I felt like i was in a bit of a haze for the first 8-9 months after I left. My older boys (5 and 3 at the time) were also notably depressed in that same time period. Then in the same week we all seemed to "come out of it" I stopped having insomnia, my 5yo started to smile A LOT more, and my 3yo went from scribbles to drawing easily interpretable pictures overnight.
I am anxious for this to be over. I really would like to go on a real date. I have been talking to an old friend for several months now and would like to see where things will lead.
For the moment the kids and I are still living with my parents I very much appreciate their help and support but I plan and look forward to moving out by the Fall.
It is my plan and goal to live on CS and our little garden. Homeschooling the early years is high priority for me. We will live simply. (Which is also important to me) Gas is really spendy so I am using a fair amnt of my CS on fuel getting my boys to and from theid dad's house.

That's my life in a nutshell

[AbbottsMomma]

Hi I'm Chase! My son, Abbott, is 10 months old and the love of my life! I'm married to Joe who is a soldier. I'm 25 and a former soldier myself.

I'm currently a SAHM but am also a certified EMT in Washington State (we live in Texas, so I can't practice!)

I'm not as green as I could be and I'm not as hardcore as most of the mommies on this board but I do what I can within my means!

My husband and I are currently becoming licensed to adopt through the foster care system.... we are very excited to give a loving forever home to a child in need!

[eccomama]

well i'm single mom since feb 2006 when we separated, divorced by end of the year. we were together for 8 years, married more than half of it. had a lot of issues, my ex never seemed to grow up, get a steady job, get his sh*t together. so i got tired of being the bread winner, the decision maker, working full time and takign care of dd full time while he partied with his firends. mind you we're both in our 30's ! as much as i wanted the 2 parents house for dd to grow up in, it was just too toxic.
so out of the whole mess, i got my miracle baby who is 4 now. her dad sees her about 2 days a week and every other weekend. co-parenting has been difficult as we don't see eye to eye on many issues, co-sleeping, food, activities, etc. we went from a dinky 1 bedroom apt to a trailer home. we're on a waiting list for an apt but it's months away. i'm working on a new career so i can provide a better life for dd.

i been here on and off for over a year or so. it's been nice to forum that i can relate...

[eurobin]

Originally Posted by SabraMamma

Hi- I'm Sabra. My STBX and I decided to split about 6 weeks ago. It was a very long time coming. Neither of us was happy for many years. I clung to the marriage because I was scared to leave it even though I was so unhappy. I feel so much better knowing that he is not someone I NEED to spend the rest of my life with. Even though we will have a relationship as co-parents, which we are beginning to do well and both are committed to, he soon will not be my husband and that makes me smile. ... He also likes having status symbols that he can't necessarily afford. And he too has dated enough women in the last 6 weeks to balance out my lack of desire to date yet.

Maybe we were married to the same guy?

[shadeshaman]

Hi, I'm shadeshaman. I used to work at a place that made custom window shades, and I was the Master Shade Maker, but my co-workers called me the Shade Shaman as a joke, and it stuck.
I lie about my age. I recently got pegged for 17 years younger than I am.
I have 2 daughters--16 and 13. I am a solo single mom. I was never married to my kids' dad, but we were together for 9 years. Nine years of abuse. I finally got away in 1999. Faced poverty, homelessness, depression, ill-health and a series of really, really sh*tty boyfriends since then.
My ex hasn't paid any support in nearly three years (and it's always been spotty, anyway). -$60,000 or so at this point. He doesn't call, visit or write. Not even birthday cards or Xmas cards.
I'm estranged from my equally abusive/neglectful family of origin (my mom found a couple of white kids to treat like they are her grandchildren. My dad was sending me violent porn images as recently as 3 years ago.)

But.

5 years ago, I started my own housecleaning service. I work on my own, making beautiful houses more beautiful. I also function as a cheap therapist who makes housecalls. I end up giving my new mom clients breastfeeding, co-sleeping and weaning tips! Except for very rare occasions (like this week, ugh), I pay all of my bills on time. I now live in a beautiful old house in a rather chi-chi area of Oakland (it's called Temescal), which I get for an absolutel steal, because I deserve it.
I have one daughter who is homeschooling herself (and planning to take the CHSPE this summer), and the other is going into the engineering academy at Oakland Tech. next fall. They are both super smart and pretty and social and well-adjusted, and about as great as any teenagers can be.

One more thing. I started a musical revolution. I'm in this band, it used to be an all-mom punk band. We were written up in the Wall Street Journal, the Chicago Trib, on MSNBC, Italian Maire Claire, the New York Post, hipMama (twice!), Maximum Rocknroll, and there are two chapters in a radical parenting book called "My Mother Wears Combat Boots" out on AK Press. My sweet face was screaming on the cover of USA Today, and the reporter said about us: "the rules of motherhood are being radically rewritten. Not with a measured whisper, but with a snarl, cymbal crash and power E-chord that would make the lads in AC/DC stand and salute." We were filmed for 2 different docs and news shows in China and Japan. The band is no longer an all-mom band--too often we were considered a gimmick. It's morphed into a hypnotic doom metal band, with me and a couple of guys.

I guess I'm kind of a self-made woman. No wonder I scare off the boys.

[nataliebassoon]

Hello to all, I'm Natalie.
I'm fairly new to this forum- I left my husband, who was abusive, about 2 months ago. (still need to change my signature) It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm 22 years old and dd is 6 months old. We're trying to figure out what's next, for the time being h and I are co-parenting, h watches dd while I am at school during the week, and gets her one half-day each weekend, overall it is going well, but I am scared of a long drawn-out custody battle if I decide to file for divorce. . . at this point I am just not sure what I want.
I'm a full-time student about 2 years away from my degree- right now I am living with family but I get to go look at an apartment tomorrow!! I had a job interview on Wednesday that went really well (yay!) I'm still kind of mourning that I might not ever get to be a SAHM, but if I'm honest with myself, that never would have happened with h- he depended on me to bring home money, the spent it all! I have $7000 in credit card debt to deal with since he hasn't paid them for 6 months and they're in my name and of course, no resources to pay them with right now.
But I've made the first step in the right direction- Things Will get better!

[klosmom]

I just want to let you all know i'm here reading. i dont reply much. i have a 9yo daughter, she was born when i was 17. her father and i called off the engagment when she was 2. He is somewhat envolved, we take what we can get. we are content. Just her and I.

[SeekingSerenity]

Just checking in... I posted initially on the Single Pregnant Mamas thread...

Basically, I left H a week ago today. I'm 34, pregnant with baby #6 (29 weeks). My oldest 3 kids live with my first XH in another state, and I have DC 4 & 5. Current H was unemployed, abusive, controlling, etc., and so last Friday I left and went to stay with a friend. She watches my lil' ones during the day. H, meanwhile, went to stay with his sister, 4 hours from where I am living. I told him we'd keep the lines of communication open and I wouldn't "take" the kids from him, but he is (typically) the all-or-nothing type of guy. Even though he wouldn't help support or raise his older 3 kids from his previous marriages, he makes all kinds of noises about taking these kids from ME.

I'm just having a bad day, today, I guess. His idea of "communication" is email, mostly misspelled and unclear sentences, short and sweet. He will NOT call me, for whatever reason, so it's hard to tell what his "motives" might be. Knowing him, though, every single thing he does and says has a motive. Even if it's just mind-games. After 7 years of that, it's difficult to not expect psychological torture from everything he says.

So, anyway, here I am, and that's what today is like for me. Probably tomorrow will be better. This is still a new thing for me.

[pranamama]

Hi
I am pranamama I have 3 daughters and have been single for 3 yrs now.

[stitchinmama]

I'm Danielle. My husband of 6 years left me for another woman a couple of weeks ago. I have 3 daughters ages 6,4,and 1. I am currently job hunting and not having a whole lot of luck...sigh.

He is very involved with the kids which is a good thing I guess. He spends more time with them now than he did when he lived here. I sure hope that continues, the girls are loving their daddy time.

I'm really glad this forum is here....I feel so lost sometimes but it's good to know I'm not the only one.

[PoppyMama]

I'm Ananda, mama to and 8 year old boy and a 10 year old girl. My ex is an on again off again drug addict who lives somewhere in Cali now (I think) and has no contact at this point. He became a drug addict when our youngest was a baby and after years of trying to help him get clean I called it quits for the last time. I'm now partnered to a really awesome guy and the future is looking bright.

[emma_goldman]

Hi Mamas!

I am so interested to read your intros more thoroughly... You mamas are amazing. I've learned so much from you, too.

I have read some fabulous books and have met with a fabulous mediator. One of the best things I did was get a lawyer -it helped me feel like I was on top of the situation.

I'm wondering if I can ever be with someone... I get jealous when my friends who are still coupled get pregnant.

[DaughterOfKali]

I'm mommy. I'm 41 and have a 5 yr old boy on the autism spectrum.

I'm a Barefoot Books stallholder (bookseller) and love it.

Although I've dated a few times over the past 5 yrs, I've remained single (no significant other). I'm saving myself.

[cubasianchica]

Hey all. You can add me to the group. Im Tiffany and just gave birth on 4/3/08 to my first DS. My stbx left me when I was just about 7 weeks pg with DS. No rhyme or reason why, just up and left. When he left he managed to steal everything I had in the bank account, yes, I HAD. He impersonated me and transfered my money out of the account. The way he did it didnt allow me to file a fraud claim.... LONG STORY (as most of this is) This was our second child. Our first was still born on 3/16/07 and we just knew we had to get pg again. I dont know why he agreed to try both times when he was planning on leaving for a while (as he put it) but Im sure glad he gave me both my children. We were married for about 3.5 yrs when he left. Last month I find out he is engaged of all things... the divorce has just got started but its a LONG road. He told this new woman that we were divorced last yr... typical that he is already lying. The timing of all of this could not be worse. He left in august. In december the company I worked for got sold because of financial difficulties. The new owner refused to pay us for worked time. (an ongoing legal matter) In jan I find out the company went bankrupt. there is no one left to talk to about disability or anything. I tried to get a part time or even temp job to help pay the bills because stbx has not been helping with a dime. He left all the debt (over $30k) in my name, we still have outstanding medical bills for the first pregnancy and much more. No one wanted to hire a pregnant lady so that didnt go well. I finally had to get onto food stamps, financial assistance, medi-cal and WIC. Thank goodness for those programs. By some miracle I got onto disability without having anyone left at the company to verify my employment. STBX has not been involved at all. He has not asked if I have even given birth or not. He could not care less. I guess he is having way too much fun F*****g his new FIANCE. I dont care anymore, I got the most important thing, my DS. I look forward to getting a new job once my disability is over. Im in the process of applying at various places. Once I have a job then I wont need any of that assistance. Well thats my story, Im sure Ill have more to post later.

oops sorry, forgot to mention that Im 24 yrs old.

[LoveOhm]

Hi Everyone ~

I am single writer mama with a one year old daughter! We practice extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, Non-Violent & Playful Parenting. My daughter is with me 24/7 plus I write and attend college full time so for me "balance" is my mantra and accepting help with dd is my greatest challenge. (I also want to train to teach yoga part-time....)

I support Obama.... and my daughter only watches the debates and Backyardians & one of her first words was HOPE so she runs around saying HOPE! What a magical word to come from a 1 year old... HOPE!

She is my hope to live a more peaceful life and to spread peace thru my actions! My daughter's dad & I were never married and we have no custody or child support order but I am presently calm about that being worked out when the time is right. My daughter gives me hope that her dad will make right by her in his own time & in his own way....

[mikaela]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

My daughter gives my hope that her dad will make right by her in his own time & in his own way....

I love this -- and know that it's possible

[DaughterOfKali]

to everyone here.

[mama41]

I'm almost 40, a writer working in science studies, mother of one. In a fit of naivete, I married a guy who turned out to have a significant psych record. I was looking at the time for a normal, bright, stable guy who loved the arts but didn't want to be an artist, and this guy really seemed to fit the bill: responsible senior tech job that he actually went to every day, dressed well, former classical musician, loving. He seemed so rock-steady. (Had I known more about classical musicians, that would've tipped me off, but I'd spent all my time with writers, painters, and actors.) Boy, did I not know what I was talking about when it came to "normal". What a loon. He fell apart almost immediately, and I found myself pregnant just as I'd decided that this guy wasn't ready to be a father. I told him I could take care of him and me, or me and a baby, but not all three of us. After exhausting options A and C, I'm now on option B. I was his second wife -- he'd told me packs of lies about the things she'd done to him -- and I understand he's now out looking for Nutrition Source #3.

I heartily recommend that anyone toying with the idea of staying with a seriously, long-term depressed, anxious, bipolar, or otherwise mentally ill man RUN. I mean like move out tomorrow, before you have kids together.
It was without question the worst five years of my life, despite his striving to be a generally nice guy. I'm not normally a party girl, but the isolation in circumstances like that is profound; the exhaustion is incredible; efforts to steer around and work with a seriously mentally ill person will age you overnight, and you will throw years of your life into a rathole. You will not receive nice treatment from the mental-health community, either; they are not interested, on the whole, on the effects of mental illness on caregivers. Essentially they will tell you to leave the marriage if it's hurting you, and are not concerned about the children who must have unsupervised visitation with their mentally ill clients. I don't think they view it as a legitimate concern; some, perversely, even believe it'll be good for helpless little kids to experience this "difference". I guess they're too busy being advocates for their clients.

The whole thing has left me deeply wary of social-work causes, which I find means many liberal causes. At this point, any policy issue that ends in "you owe him something because you have and he doesn't" shuts my ears off completely. It was a very comprehensive education in ratholes and morally-sanctioned theft, that marriage.

Anyway, I'm still recovering from the experience, and from the divorce (again, not fun with a crazy guy). Part of which means I'm stepping away from the computer now. Have a lovely weekend, and for other MOTs out there, a good Pesach and good luck getting through the whole hagaddah with the little ones. (I made farfel muffins and baked apples! My grandma's kitchen lives!)

[hkitty]

I'm 38, mom to 6 and 2 year old girls. I've been married to stbx for 7 years, together for 12. The marriage pretty much went downhill as soon as I had DD#1. Stbx refused to help with her, wanted to sleep in until noon like he had done for years, etc. We struggled and struggled and the relationship got better enough to have DD#2. He started cheating on me when she was 9 months old or so. I initially filed for a divorce but then stayed and worked on the marriage. He finally agreed to get a divorce about a month ago - March 4th. What a huge relief!

We still have to live together until July or August while we save money for him to move out. Some days are fine, others suck. I'm so, so happy to be getting divorced though. This is truly the right decision for me for all kinds of reasons.

I teach yoga and do some freelance writing to support myself and eventually my girls as well.

I've popped on and off this board for years trying to make this decision and MDC has been enlightening and supportive and informative through all of it!

[AlwaysByMySide]

New to this forum...but enjoying it here already.

I'm Courtney, mom to three - a 2 1/2 year old, a baby that passed away last year at 7 weeks old, and a 2 month old. I don't want to go into the details about why I am a single parent now, because they aren't pretty. I get a bit of financial support now, but will lose all financial support and medical benefits in about a year. So I have that much time to figure out if/how I can still homeschool my kids and manage to support them financially as well, as was the original plan.

Their father has not seen my oldest in just under a year, and has never so much as seen a photo of the baby. And that is the way it will stay if I have anything to say about it.

I just lived through the worst year of my life, so I am convinced that anything else that comes at me will be nothing to deal with in comparison.