roll call, a new one! - Page 4

[Bex80]

Hey, I'm testing the waters here. I'm Bex, 28, with two aweome kids. Dh and I are splitting up rather amicably, but it's getting dicey now with the custody (co-parenting?) and child support. We haven't begun the legal process yet, but I am supposed to call the attorney Monday.

I love him and care about him and wish him the best. I think the feeling is mutual. We just are not compatable, and we are both very very tired of forcing something that just isn't going to work. We've been together 9 years and married for nearly 6. We attempted marital counseling, but he didn't want to do the work.

I've prayed and prayed and begged and pleaded to no avail. I think we are just supposed to go our seperate ways and love the crap out of our children despite the split up.

Also, we both have things (betrayals, trust issues) that we simply can't get over; ranging from the beginning of our relationship to the very end.

It's all so sad.

[jrayn]

I will read through these this evening,

stillsnarky I remember reading your story when it was still in the early stages, you are VERY inspiring!!! I'm glad things are going so well for you!!


theaterbug - that was quite the story! write a book that turns to movie?


I am 27, I have 2 daughters, 3 1/2 year old and 7 month (almost 8 mnth old)
My ex became addicted to a hard drug... (still not certain what it was/is)
while I was pregnant w/ dd2, he was unwilling to seek help and he became someone I couldn't live with for numerous reasons, I moved in w/ my grandma out in the country and it has been really great for the girls and me.

Ex is pretty much not in the picture, only time he contacts me is if he needs something from me.... says he is interested in kids but shows absolutely no interest in them when he is present

I want to date but can't... no one to watch both the girls, so I will remain single.

I sell organic vegetables that I grow and when school is in, I grade practice FCAT (state standardized) tests - drudgery....

I feel like I have no direction in life at this point, just raising the girls, which I know is important, but it is quite a frustrating thing right now, I feel like I have no freedom, I can't garden much b/c baby doesn't like to be held or contained in anything... doesn't like toys so I spend most of my time making sure she doesn't choke on things or crawl to her death somewhere.

[CherylE]

Cheryl- 32 - single mom to five kids ages 4-8, my ex was violent with me and untreated bi-polar (maybe more...that was the tentative diagnosis but he won't go back).We were together 10 years, married 9 the week the divorce went through. I've been separated for 1.5 years now and divorced for 3 months. Fortunately he's paying child support and I'm in subsidized housing but lost child care (his parents) and couldn't find anything that would be worth my working even with subsidy. So I'm not working right now - trying to live really simply and hopefully when all the kids are in school - will go back to work and/or school.

Just surviving right now - no local family/support. He takes the kids only very rarely. I'm just really surviving and have no life beyond parenting & day to day life of having 5 young kids on my own. I know it will get easier at some point. Even just in Sept - then my twins will be in pre-k 3 afternoons a week and I can get at least a few hours w/o kids.

[plenilunio]

greetings from the sunny seaside to all you yummy mummies out there in cyberspace! and a thousand angel kisses to all your precious babies.. i am a 31YO single mami and co-sleeper to my little golden-haired monkeyboy, manu, who turns 2 in august. manu was born 100% naturally and under the full moon back in august '06. his father and i were passionately 'involved' for over 3 years, but we never really a committed "couple" in the true sense of the term, so when i got pregnant, i had to come to grips with the fact that i would be flying solo. thankful for the gift of motherhood and placing all my faith in the higher power, i quit my high-paying job at a downtown law firm and set up my own humble little practice here at home. i still only make just enough to pay my bills, but i wouldn't have it any other way! having my manu has transformed my life into a state of absolute wonder. i have never felt a love so pure.

i celebrate each one of you mamis and the gifts you give to your children with your constant acts of love.

[shell024]

I havent had a chance to read through the thread yet. I'll add mine then go back and try to get to "know" everyone.

My name is Michelle, I'm 23 and have two little boys. Their father and I were together for 4 years, were engaged (twice), never married. We have always had poor communication and overall, I just don't think we are compatible as anything more than friends. There has been a lot of verbal/emotional abuse and it began transferring onto Ds1. There was also a lot of destructive and bizarre behavior. The final straw was when he threw the phone across the street and burned my books because I was out too late one night (I hadn't been anywhere fun in ages!).

He moved out mid February this year, so its been about 3.5 months now we've been separated. We don't have any official arrangements yet, but so far I've been doing everything I was already doing (taking care of the kids and the house) except now I'm enjoying the daily grind. I've had PPD twice, finally got on antidepressants when we separated, and I can now say I'm doing great. Its not easy, but its really not bad either! I qualify for medicaid, food stamps, and welfare. I stay with my grandmother (but in the downstairs "apartment" so its kind of my own place) and her caretaker. So my expenses are very low (though so is my "income"), I'm just getting by. But I'm enjoying my life. I aim to get myself back, the real me, and get to a healthy place again so I can properly take care of my kids and myself. I'm doing therapy by phone with a PPD specialist and it is helping a ton.

I don't know if the boys' father and I will ever be back together, I kind of doubt it. He hasn't made much effort to change, so I'm not holding my breath, though I do have faith in him as a person and wish him the best.

I am relieved and also kind of sad to be here. But I feel I am in good company here with you compassionate mamas.

[althara]

I'm Linda. I'm 26, mama to Kaylee who is 16 months old. My STBXH and I are just starting the divorce process. He moved out this past weekend. I'll be moving in with my parents by the 15th. And I'm going back to school starting July 1st.

[Still_Snarky]

intros out there?

[meco]

SS, I never saw this thread before. It's great. I like getting to know everyone a bit better. I loved reading the intros.

As for my intro: I am the mother to one, a 5.5 year old. I am halfway through grad school, and I will be done in the spring of next year. I am excited to finish that (though I love school and my program) so I can work on my career and building a life for my son and for myself. I do a few things from home right now for work. I am highly involved in my program--president of the school's club, on a few committees--and that keeps me quite busy. School is getting ready to start soon, and I am not ready! I am enjoying the summer (and it's not quite over yet). On the relationship front, I have a lovely and wonderful boyfriend, and it is going really well (I wrote about him in the recent dating thread). I am very happy with my life right now.

My son's father and I are doing alright for the most part. Most days are good, and it's been getting consistently better as time goes on (though it has been 4 years this month and I had hoped we would be fabulous co-parents by now). He has been reliable on his visitation (2 days/nights a week when I am at school), he adores his child, and he is a great father. I feel very grateful for that. One major issue that has come up is that it seems when he is stressed, he tends to direct it to me. I try to keep it about the kid and the contact is minimal so it's tolerable, but it's unacceptable to me. We are definitely still working on getting to a solid co-parenting relationship.

It's great to get to know you all better.

[hrsmom]

Hi- I am a new mama and a single mama too. My daughter's "father" hasn't met her, don't know if/when that will ever happen. We had a special friendship, decided to have something "more", I got pregnant from the first weekend we were together, things fell apart immediately, before I even knew I was pregnant. (And I knew when I had conceived, too!) I knew he had had a troubled past, but it turns out he has a troubled present as well. I tried to hang in there for a couple of months, but we broke up when I was two months pregnant. I was in the process of adopting a child a couple of years ago, but that got put on the back burner. I had already prepared myself for single motherhood. Back when I decided to adopt, I considered using a sperm donor, but decided that I didn't want to be pregnant by myself. I ended up pregnant by myself, and it wasn't so bad! I was just thinking today how happy I am that I had a baby! She's awesome! My little fling or whatever you want to call it with her father is really one of the bigger mistakes I've made in my life, but Hannah is definitely the biggest blessing and I wouldn't change a single thing about my life or any of the circumstances that lead up to HER!!!!! (I do wish I had started having children sooner, but then I would have had different kids. I knew from the beginning of my pregnancy that she and I were meant for each other!) I'm totally in love! Like a previous poster said (I tried to find it but couldn't) this is how I was supposed to become a mother. If I ever do get married, I think I will be a better wife having become a mother first! And if not, I can also say that I'm happy to be making parenting choices on my own and not stuck with someone who has different ideas.

We are not alone!

[MaWhit]

Hey, I'm Whitney, single mama to three in a small town in rural Colorado.

XH and I split about 3.5 years ago and were very amicable for a couple of years after; best friends, in fact. He supported me when I came out as a lesbian, I gave him dating advice, he slept at my house for his visitation weekends, etc. About a year ago, he started down a bad path, became an addict and alcoholic, ruined our friendship, bailed on the kids (stopped most visitation and all child support), and is now incarcerated and is facing a prison sentence of 4-16 years. We don't know the final number yet. In the meantime, he's in the county jail (in his town, 3 hours away), where kids are not allowed to visit.

I work from home doing writing and publicity for two different companies, I'm in college pursuing my BA in Sociology and will graduate next year and then start graduate school, I foster cats and dogs for the local animal shelter and always have some fosters (sometimes 2, sometimes 22), and most importantly I homeschool my three kids who are 8, 6, and 4. My kids are my priority and I map out other aspects of life in order to spend as much time with them as possible.

[doublyblessed]

mamas, i have googled my son's name before and come up w/ links to my posts on MDC. so be careful if you want to be anonymous/protect yourself and your dc's privacy. just some fyi. that is why i rarely post my dc's or my names on here anymore.

i am L, mama to ds S and dd M. they are the loves of my life.

[waiting2bemommy]

I'm Ashley, I'm 21 and I'm happily raising my 8 month old son. His dad (my stbxh) was verbally and physically abusive and although I recently tried to make thigns work with him for ds's sake, he chose to go back to drugs and other women. I'm still reeling from finding out that he cheated on me AGAIN. It was the most painful this time because I poured my heart into making our marriage a success (even though we were separated, we were moving towards moving in together.)

anyway, I'm a special ed teacher assistant and full time student. ds and I live with [parents for teh time being, until my divorce goes through.

That's about it!!!

[Still_Snarky]

welcome mamas.

i'm actually going to go back to my original post and update it i think. a ton changes in singlemamadom in a matter of months.

[mimim]

I'm here, mostly lurking. My stbx would read the threads on this subforum waiting to see what I was going to write after we split. I'm pretty sure he doesn't do it anymore, but I'm still wary of posting.

I'm Molly, almost 34. I kicked my DH out after years and years of crappy marriage the day he slammed my head against the wall. I have two boys, 14 and 6, and a 3 yo DD. I've been separated for 9 months and am much happier now.

[caspian's mama]

:

i'm kelly. i'm 30 and ds is 5. after 2 years of "maybe" i decided to call it quits and filed for divorce in june. we're still living in the same house, which sucks (and i don't recommend it), but we just moved in may and don't really want to break our lease (besides not being able to afford to move again so soon). i had my first court appointment last week and was pleasantly surprised to find that the judge will agree to almost everything in our divorce/coparenting agreement. i can't say enough good things about the thread "what do you wish you'd put in a divorce/custody agreement". it really helped me iron out the tiny details and not be afraid to proceed without a lawyer. with any luck, i'll enter 2009 completely single- maybe even in my own place but at least fully employed and getting closer to "me" every day. ds and i went camping on july 4th and it was a great reconnecting experience for us both. i hope to take him cross country in 2009 or 10, to visit friends in pdx and to drive on route 66 (he's a big pixar fan). i believe that, side by side, we can manifest a better life of love and peace for both of us (and i know you all can do it too).

[Bad Mama Jama]

still single and very much here. i am a mama to a wonderful preschooler. it seems like she was just working on walking like 10 minutes ago... but all is well and i am happy to be among you mamas.

[2xshy]

My name is Kristi and I have a 4 month old daughter named Eden. I've been a single mom since the beginning more or less. Her father lives across the country and is not in her life at all. When I refer to my ex it is my ex fiance, who is not the same person as her father.(I got pregnant while he and I were broken up, and we then go back together and that obviously didn't work out)
I'm a make up artist, and I make jewelry and I just started a new business selling amber teething necklaces. I figure between the 3 of those things I should be able to consistently work from home and avoid daycare. That is the goal at least.
I feel like my MDC home is now here in single parenting, I am so glad to have people here to talk to. It's hard enough just meeting other single parents let alone other single AP mamas.

[eewieew]

Hey all - my name is Jenny, I'm an expecting single mama, due 03.06.09.

Not-so-dh decided two weeks ago that he needs a divorce and demanded that I terminate (pretty much out of the blue), presumably so that he could start off fresh with his new gf without having to tell her that a) he's married and b) his wife is pregnant. Come to find out he never mentioned to anyone that I'm pregnant. Just sort of hoped it would "go away". In these 2 weeks he's gone from loving and honoring what we had to a completely cold and indifferent sociopath who has no intention of caring for this baby, or having any sort of relationship with me. After 8 years.

I've posted sporadically but have mostly been lurking, and really drawing support from the other mamas posting here in Single Parenting. Reading others' experiences with both their exes and their babies gives me so much hope for a future that right now seems so bleak. Glad to meet you all.

[caspian's mama]

jenny

and lotsa to the rest of you strong souls.

[Dar]

I'm Dar, mama to Rain, who is 15! I've never been married... was with Rain's dad until she was 4 months old, when he went to prison. We split up while he was there - it wasn't a healthy relationship - and he got out when she was almost 4. She hasn't seen him for almost 4 years now, and hasn't heard from him for almost as long... when she was younger he would kind of sporadically show up for a while and then disappear, but this seems more permanent. No child support, obviously.

I'm currently in grad school, and I'm thrilled that the school where I'm at now has guaranteed me full funding (tuition plus a fellowship or TAship that pays enough for us to live pretty happily) for 5 years. However... I also met a guy last summer, before moving here for school, and I like him a lot... so we're doing the long distance thing and seeing what happens.

Rain is unschooled and has been for ten years now, and she's currently taking college classes...

dar