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What do you think, should Daddy stay away? - Page 5

post #81 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by barefootpoetry View Post
It's been that way for thousands, millions of years, and I think for many of us our brains may still be hardwired to that norm....maybe there is a good reason birth has historically been a women-only event?
There's also been a lot of human history where men were frequently away, hunting, going to war, whatever. If dh wasn't around, I guess I'd rather have women around me - maybe - than men. I really seriously have my doubts about the pretty picture I often come across of all these women surrounding the birthing woman and being all supportive. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but it's not something I've seen a whole lot of. There are...four women I'd want anywhere near me in labour. It's possible there'd be others, if I got to know them, but as it stands, there are four.

I used to read about women having babies when I was a kid - which was before partners attending births became widespread, I think - and I dreaded the idea of having a baby, because of the missing partner aspect of it. Having the person I loved and trusted most outside pacing the floor while I was having our baby seemed...freakish. It still does. One of the many, many, many things I hate about c-sections is the enforced separation from dh (only while they place the spinal). It sucks.
post #82 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I don't buy it. Not at all.

I have never done well with most females. I don't, as a rule, find them comforting. I usually find them irritating.

My dh was my ROCK during my 31 hour labor with dd. He understood what I needed with the smallest gestures and sounds. If I had to explain my wants and needs to someone else it would have been VERY distracting to me.

-Angela
that:

Looking in DH's eyes was all I wanted. I just wanted him to hold me.

My doula and midwives were too bossy and distracting for me.I was grateful they were there to reassure me that I wasn't dying and DD was okay, but I didn't need them for moral support at all. Also, most other women have not been through a homebirth or even an all natural labor, so they would have no idea what I needed either.
post #83 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
There's also been a lot of human history where men were frequently away, hunting, going to war, whatever.
That's true. I didn't think about that. Good point.


Quote:
I really seriously have my doubts about the pretty picture I often come across of all these women surrounding the birthing woman and being all supportive. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but it's not something I've seen a whole lot of. There are...four women I'd want anywhere near me in labour. It's possible there'd be others, if I got to know them, but as it stands, there are four.
See, it is the opposite for me. I love to think about that pretty picture. I think it sounds heavenly. Like you, I don't have that kind of support system in my life, but if I did, it would be exactly like that. As it stands, though, I'd rather birth alone or nearly alone since I don't have the tribe of women to fall back on.
post #84 of 87
I am joining in on this kinda late and I didn't read all the responses, but I read the article. I was so glad my husband was with me during the labor and delivery of both girls. He was quiet, hands off (unless I asked him otherwise) and was just there for support. I also found a lot of comfort with my OB/GYN (who is male) He was very nurturing and positive during the pushing phase and delivery and even gave both us huge hugs and a welcoming kiss to our daughters once they were both born.
post #85 of 87
My husband went through the freaking out stomach ache thing mentioned in the article after my dd was born. He freely admitted it was from the gravity of the event he witnessed. He didn't eat for several days and all he could say was that it was the most intense thing that ever happened to him I, on the other hand, was in the midst of postpartum bliss, so I was like "what, that? eh, it was no biggie" hehehehe
post #86 of 87
Hathor wrote me a nice thank you email.
post #87 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by MammaB21 View Post
Some of what he said was interesting and accurate. Women do need peace and serrenity during labor. I just don't understand why he is boxing in EVERY husband into this made up cattegory of stress filled, blubbering, panicking idiots.
I don't think this article does his point justice. I've read three of his books and its different in his books. He also says theres no place for man-midwives and he attends homebirths in the UK; he points out this inconsistancy in his book.

I don't think that I could have given the first time without my dh present. The second time I was so into what I was doing I probably could have UCed just fine with nobody there.

As a doula I have seen both supportive partners and partners I wished would go away and let the mother of their child labor in peace. One partner made me so angry at his lack of caring about the mother of his child I was relieved when he left. (before his baby was born.)
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