I HATE this. - Page 2

[seeing_stars]

I couldn't read and not post

I do not suffer from PPD, but I do have very negative feelings about nursing with intrusive thoughts and anxiety. Reading about similar experiences and possible medical reasons/treatments http://www.d-mer.org/ has been very helpful for me.

[notaperfectmom]

Been there...done it...almost EXACTLY (the unattached feelings etc). I took a small amount of valium rather than an anti-psych to combat anxiety which was a little less strong but essentially did the same thing (relaxed me so I could SLEEP)

I HATED BF in the beginning. I think people who love it should remember to say that in the beginning it can be pretty awful...painful...and just constantly time consuming. I felt like a big walking pair of boobs. But...like everything else it gets BETTER. I miss it so much now. I can't wait for #2 to arrive so I can BF again.

You will be ok. The meds will kick in...at which point you may have the energy and inclination for therapy which is a GOOD thing. And you will start to feel the bond.

I really sympathize. I really was there. I didn't understand WHY I sucked so bad at being a Mom. The connection wasn't there....but it came. It arrived. I remember being worried that I didn't want to constantly talk to or cuddle DS. But I promise you...while those connections CAN be made early....they DO NOT HAVE TO BE. I know I was barely present for the first few months he was alive. I was barely surviving. And it took a long time for that connection to SLOWLY form. I don't even remember when it happened. BUT IT DID. I promise...you clearly love your son. Otherwise this lack of connection wouldn't bother you so much. And it will only grow and get stronger.

I hope that fog keeps lifting...I am sending you hugs and hoping for you the day when your son holds his arms up to you, his mama, to be picked up and cuddled JUST by YOU and you will wonder how you EVER worried that a bond would be formed.

[APmom2Libby]

Just wanted to send lots of HUGS!

I had a horrible case of PPD with dd1 after a c-section, and had a hard time bonding due to a 5 hour after birth separation---it took a while, but I really believe nursing her was one of the best things for both of us---I hated it at first, too---but it got better and I finally really fell in love with her and nursing not too long after she was born---maybe 3-4 weeks?

This time I am doing everything so differently---but hearing your story and seeing that you did everything RIGHT makes me so sad for you. I am going to eat my placenta after *hopefully* a successful HBAC. And, I have tons of support from like minded mama friends, so I'm hoping that will help, too.

Also, this time, I opted to go back on my Zoloft after abstaining during the 1st trimester. It has made a huge difference pre-natally and I am hoping it will do the same for Post partum.

Hang in there. I admire your honesty and think you will be nothing short of an amazing mother with your insight and willingness to be open and honest. Your baby is very lucky to have you.