For those not doing Santa

[Potty Diva]

How will you deal with family members who try and play up the "behave or Santa won't come" thing you might get from relatives?

MIL mentioned Santa a few weeks ago while we were going through ornaments. It wasn't in the way I mentioned above, but she did tell Kailey who the figure was and said he would be coming soon.

We aren't doing Santa just to stick with the honesty policy we have in our home. We plan on telling Kailey when/if she asks that Santa is like Pooh or another pretend character.

Another question:

Sincee your child will know Santa is make believe what is your rule about telling/not telling this to other children who do believe in Santa?

I won't make Kailey perpetuate the myth that other parents tell their children. If the parents hadn't told the lie of Santa in the first place, there wouldn't be the issue of someone ratting them out. (couldn't think of another way to phrase this, but the tone is not as malicious as it looks- to me anyway. I keep trying to rephrase this but can't find th words).

So, what are your opinions?

[PurplePixiePooh]

We don't do santa eother. We tell our dd that santa was a nice man a very long time ago that gave gifts to children and that's all. But that sometimes people like to pretend that he is real and still brings gifts Some people pretend this and some don't, so if someone is pretending let them play and that's all.

As far as the "be good or santa will know" etc...I would just tell them that we don't do santa and so please don't mention that again.

My dd knows who santa is, she knows he says Ho-ho-ho and slinds down chimneys. Its cute, but as fake as a cartoon and I plan to make sure it stays that way. If any relatives insist that she gets gifts from santa its ok, cuz we told her its from a real person who doen't want you to know who the gift is from.

It can be difficult especially when they realize that you also don't do the easter bunny or tooth fairy either. But as I see it there are two choices - respect our decisions and abide by them or we will avoid you during those holidays.

[mamaduck]

I got pretty well scorched for my opinions on this topic last year around this time, so I'll keep it brief.

We tell our kids that Santa is fun to pretend, and they can feel free to pretend -- but that people give each other gifts at Christmas and its important to be generous, grateful and kind toward one another.

We warn our kids that many of their friends are not just "pretending." That some kids really belive in Santa, and that it is important to treat other people's beliefs with a lot of respect. We teach them that it is okay to disagree, but that they have to be clear on the fact that every child is allowed to believe whatever they want to believe. This has worked out well, esp. since ds goes to school with several Jewish children who have their own sets of beliefs about the whole holiday season.... it is abundantly clear that every family celebrates in their own way, and that we can all benefit from sharing and respecting each other beliefs.

.

[mamaduck]

I only answered half the question. Sorry. When family members mention santa, my kids smile with delight. Just like when they mention Scooby Doo or Dora the Explorer. Its just fun and games. Once in awhile one of them will whisper to me, "I know its pretend."

[joesmom]

Re: For those not doing Santa

Originally posted by Potty Diva
I won't make Kailey perpetuate the myth that other parents tell their children. If the parents hadn't told the lie of Santa in the first place, there wouldn't be the issue of someone ratting them out. (couldn't think of another way to phrase this, but the tone is not as malicious as it looks- to me anyway. I keep trying to rephrase this but can't find th words).So, what are your opinions?

maybe you only want to hear from others who are not "doing" santa, if so, i apologize. but while i agree with your right to tell your daughter that santa is a myth, i think you should teach her to respect the views of others. i don't think santa is a lie anyway. saint nicholas was a real person & this is a way to honor the good works that he did. i will teach my son that it is better to give than to receive, & of course he knows we celebrate Christmas because it is the birthday of Baby Jesus, but he is a kid & he does like fun magical stuff.

i used to think it terrible if parents didn't do santa, but i am at the point where i realize, to each his own. but i wouldn't let joe try to convince kailey santa is real, & i would hope joe & i would be treated with the same respect.

[teachma]

We do not do Santa in our house because I am Jewish, we are raising my son with parts of a few cultures, and dh (non practicing Catholic) is actually more comfortable without Santa. We have told ds that "some people believe that Santa comes to their homes on Christmas." And that's true- some people DO believe that. I anticipate that he will not have a problem with it as far as other children are concerned. I was raised by 2 Jewish parents and taught outright that Santa is pretend, and don't seem to remember caring that others still wrote letters and baked cookies for him. It just wasn't a part of my life. My ILs, however, do sign their cards to ds "From Sannta" and last Christmas, ds (then only 28 months old) said he didn't want any more presents from Santa, only from us! In no way have we encouraged negative feelings about Santa (we've merely excluded him from our rituals) so we were a little surprised by his reaction.

[AnnMarie]

I don't do santa and when someone will say something to my kids about santa I just say, "We don't do santa." My husband disagrees and will talk to the kids about santa. : I refuse to lie to them and let them believe that santa really exists. I do tell my kids that others do believe in santa and it wouldn't be fair for them to tell them, that it's up to their parents to decide when they should know. Plus, I don't want to deal with the crap that comes with one of my kids telling another. :LOL

[Liz]

We don't do Santa either. Last Christmas ds was 2.5 so was concious of Santa so I told him it was a story that people like to tell at Christmas time. We got The Night Before Christmas out of the library and that was about it. He pointed him out in store windows, etc. This year, I imagine, I will have to answer more pointed questions but I don't think I will have to have a "don't tell" conversation yet. He'll just play along with any kid who is into it. Next year I might have to have that conversation since he'll be in kindergarten. Not sure yet just how I will word it.

I've never gotten any comments about "being good for Santa" but a lot of the "Will/did Santa bring you lots of presents?" I guess I kid myself believing I can raise a child to believe Christmas is about showing your family and friends how much you love them.....

[mommyof2kids]

Dh and I did alot of fighting over the idea of Santa, when I was little growing up, my Uncle dressed up as Santa and would give us our presants and then leave, we never realized he was gone, we were happy to see him (santa). Now that I have kids, I wanted to try to relive that part, At first with Cathryn, we did 1 big gift, and then gifts at my moms were from grandma and grandpa, but last year we really didnt bring up Santa, we played it by ear, it went ok, so I will try it again, PJ is still to tiny to know, but I remember I was heartbroken as a kid when I found out, and I dont want to do that to them

[Foobar]

Well, this is interesting.

We are raising Goo Jewish.

However, my family is Christian and we "do" Christmas with them. They always wrap our stuff in Hannuka paper (so nice of them to be so tolerant! and I really mean that!)

Goo's only going to be 18 months then, but we plan on explaining that some people believe in Santa and explain the religion behind Christmas. I want her to understand that it is VERY important to other people including her cousins and grandparents and it is not at all imporatant to other people.

I will suggest that she doesn't spoil the secret of the nonexistance of Santa for other children because in truth, Santa might just be an anthromorph for our giving sides.

sorry about my spelling....


I just don't know how to keep her from getting cynical about it since you a thrown into "Christmas" for 3 months

[Dragonfly]

Originally posted by Liz
I've never gotten any comments about "being good for Santa" but a lot of the "Will/did Santa bring you lots of presents?" I guess I kid myself believing I can raise a child to believe Christmas is about showing your family and friends how much you love them.....

For the record, I "believed" in Santa Claus when I was a kid - and now Christmas is all about showing my loved ones how much I care for them (not just by giving presents, of course, but by spending time with them, too).

So, I don't believe that the two have to be mutually exclusive. We "do" Santa here (:LOL sorry... have to chuckle when ever I see that), but as a fun, fantasy, imagination "game" with a bit of history throw in (about the various figures from whom the Santa Claus character was derived). At the same time, we shop for presents for one another (and include ds in this) and are vocal about our excitement over getting what we think is just the right thing for someone. There's a lot of, "I think this present will make Grammy feel so happy. I love to see Grammy happy." And sometimes, "We can pretend that Santa got it for her. She'll be so excited!" IMO, family sharing in the fantasy of Santa Claus is all part of the fun. Because, hey, good 'ol St. Nick was all about loving people and sharing his legacy with others conveys love.

Hope that made sense... trying to express my feelings off the top of my head.

[kofduke]

Originally posted by AnnMarie
I I refuse to lie to them and let them believe that santa really exists.

I'm 28 and I still truly believe santa exists, in the "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" type of believing. I the Christmas season, and I think that wonderfully special, amazing, magical things happen that time of the year. I can't wait to share Christmas with my baby for the first time this year, and I'd be completely crushed if, when he's a bit older, someone let him in on the secret before he was ready.

[Liz]

Originally posted by Dragonfly
For the record, I "believed" in Santa Claus when I was a kid - and now Christmas is all about showing my loved ones how much I care for them (not just by giving presents, of course, but by spending time with them, too).

So, I don't believe that the two have to be mutually exclusive.

I'm so sorry! I didn't mean they were mutually exclusive. I just don't like that people always refer to the presents when talking to kids about Christmas, whether they mention Santa or not. I was babbling, sorry.

[Dragonfly]

Originally posted by Liz
I'm so sorry! I didn't mean they were mutually exclusive. I just don't like that people always refer to the presents when talking to kids about Christmas, whether they mention Santa or not. I was babbling, sorry.

Hey... no need for apologies! I was just sharing my experience . Thanks for clarifying, though. I have a better idea where you're coming from on this -- and I totally agree that it's unfortunate when people make Christmas all about the presents. We're not religious so for us it is not based around any particular faith but I love the spirit of the Christmas season.... how people seem happier and more caring and gentle toward one another; how people smile at one another more often. These are the feelings I want to convey to my ds and gift giving is simply a part of that.

Okay, now I'm rambling.

[kayjayjay]

We've never done Santa and it's never been a big issue with friends or family. When DD was younger people would ask her if she was being good for Santa and stuff like that and she just looked confused. We explained to her that Santa is a character that some people like to pretend and that some kids actually believe in Santa until they're old enough to understand that it's just pretend. She's always been sly enough to just play along.
Our two-year-old doesn't even know who Santa is yet, but we're planning to handle it the same way.

One of the reasons we've never done Santa is that I'm not comfortable lying to my kids. Another is that Santa and Christmas was always nothing but a source of disappointment and strife in my family and my life is much better without it. We've had a wonderful time doing Christmas with just our family and doing all the things that make the season nice: baking, crafts, decorating the tree, listening to music. I have a very cynical attitude about all the materialism and the presents and the commercial crap that everyone tries to force on you and I think Santa is just part of that all.

I guess you can just call me Scrooge.

[Dragonfly]

Originally posted by kayjayjay
One of the reasons we've never done Santa is that I'm not comfortable lying to my kids.

I always find it interesting when people say this is their reason for not doing Santa (I hear it a lot). Does this mean you don't play any pretend games with your children?

(Btw - not being sarcastic... I'm truly interested, because for us Santa is just another fantasy game).

[kayjayjay]

Dragonfly, no one's actually ever made me explain this, but I'll give it a try:

We play lots of pretend games and my older DD in particular has a very active imagination. However, I don't tell her what to pretend. Her imaginative games are the product of her own mind and her own reading. She sets the rules and we play along.

My sister's kids, on the other hand, actually believe in Santa. This is not some fun game that they dreamed up and in which they are active participants. If they were playing a pretend game in which they were the elves or Santa or whatever, making and giving gifts, this would be a creative and productive fantasy game. Instead it's their parents and television that are getting them worked up about Christmas. Their parents set the rules for how the game works and how they have to participate.

These two things are very different in my mind. I hope that makes sense.

[rwikene]

we will not be telling DD that "santa" is real, however she still may get a few gifts from "santa" under the tree.

This is the reason we will not tell DD that santa is real

One christmas when I was 8 and my brother was 5, we lived next door to a family who were well to do. My mom was a single mom and we were poor. My mom did her best to get us a "good" christmas, lots of small toys like matchbox cars and such. But the neighbor kids got a nintendo (when they first came out) a color tv, tons of toys.

My brother came home crying after seeing what those kids got and asked why santa didn't love him It broke my mom's heart, she would love to have been able to give him all that he wanted, but she just didn't have the money plain and simple. She had to tell him that santa wasn't real, this just broke my brother but he accepted it.

That made that Christmas very hard for us, from that time on however, my brother and I knew not to ask santa for big gifts b/c my mom couldn't afford it.

I'm all teary just remembering that b/c I know how much it really hurt my mom to have to tell my brother. I had known for years but always kept the magic alive for him.

I don't want Christmas in our house to be about gifts, I think one main gift from "santa" or mom and dad or whatever is good, and then whatever the relatives decide to get...but other than that I want it to be about celebrating the birth of Jesus and about showing love to other people

I would hate it if I found out that my child ruined the magic for another child however. It's not fair to do that, some parents and children really enjoy doing santa...just like I may not have the same beliefs as you but who am I to tell my child that she can tell your child that she is wrong and that her parents are lying to her? not cool imo

[mingber]

We are also Jewish and don't celebrate Christmas. I have told my children that Santa is a charater like Elmo/Zoe/Pooh, etc and that some people really believe in him. DD likes to see Santa at the mall and points him out. SHe asks if she can go see him for a candy cane and I explain that we don't do that. She excepts this. I also have asked her not to spoil it for her non-Jewish friends and she doesn't say anything to them, except she might mention "I am Jewish and we don't have a Santa Claus, so he is not part of what I celebrate. We have Chanukkah instead". I think that is ok to say. When someone in a store says "Merry Christamas, or behave so Santa will bring you a present", I have taught her to say " We are Jewish and don't celebrate Christmas, but happy holidays to you too." I say the same thing.
It can be a very difficult situation under certain curcumstances. When my kids went to a day care (we now attend a Jewish school), they had Santa come visit, and DD thought that was neat, but she knew he wasn't real and all the kids were told that he wasn't the real Santa, but one of his helpers dressed like Santa and my DD just laughed. She ate the candy cane too and told me several days later.

[Potty Diva]

I always find it interesting when people say this is their reason for not doing Santa (I hear it a lot). Does this mean you don't play any pretend games with your children?

The difference between every day pretend and doing Santa Claus, is that we are always aware that what we are doing and saying isnt real, unlike Santa. Children are sometimes asked to behave or Santa wont come, or other negative consequences will ensue.

I cant seem to find the post, but some mentioned that they dont believe celebrating with Santa isnt a lie, because they are doing it to honor St. Nick.

My response to that is, honoring a dead person doesnt involve saying this person is bringing you gifts, it would make more sense saying we are giving gifts to each other in memory of St. Nick. Santa has always been (in my experience) spoken of like a real live person of now, not someone of the past.

I really like the ideas given about how to help Kailey handle a situation regarding Santa, and it seems like they can apply when she may come into a situation regarding a religious figure as well. Very helpful ladies, thank you.

mingber~

We also plan on relating Santa to cartoon or storybook characters.

Kinda OT~ There was a discussion here last year about Happy Holidays", and before reading and participating in the thread I always said "Merry Christmas" but afterwards I had begun saying "Happy Holidays" as a way not to offend those who may share the same holidays.