Playdates? 8-yr-old wants to go to a new friends house - alone

[Tanibani]

And I don't know this boy's (age 9, very nice) family at all. We usually stay after school and they play together. Jimmy has been to our house a few times, so now they want to switch it.

How do other parents handle this???

I think he and his dad live with the grandparents. Mom lives out of state. Grandmom (always well put together, not matronly) hangs out in the car while he plays.

Do they have guns?
Is grandpa or someone else "unsafe"?

HTH do I handle this?

TIA

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Honestly, at age 8, I think you have to let go a bit and trust your DS to handle most situations that come up with a playdate. If he where 4 or 5, you might be able to get away with "I need to go with you", but at 8 that is going to cause him social issues at school.

But, you can do some research before hand. First, who issued the invitation? If the child, then you say "I need to talk to you parent/grandparent before I can yes", and then you can introduce yourself to said person and learn a bit about them. To parent/grandparent, after making sure he/she is OK with host said playdate (you be spared the whole deal), you can say "DS hasn't had a lot of playdates and I'm a bit nervous about it, can you tell me more about your household..." and then cover the more pressing of your concerns. But again, your 8 YO should know to walk away and tell an adult about a gun, or to immediately report any sort of inappropriate behavour. Make sure he knows how to call you if there is a problem. These are skills they really need to learn, and they won't if they never get to practice them.

[Momily]

How about you call up the parents and say "DS and Jimmy are getting along so well, we thought it would be fun to get to know the whole family. Would you like to come to dinner on X?"

[Leatherette]

I like Momily's idea. I am wary of sending my son to someone's house if I don't know them. When he was a toddler, he went to my friend's house for a playdate. I later found out that they had a loaded gun in the house, which her husband dropped while cleaning out a closet, and shot himself in the leg. And there can be some scary family dynamics that are not evident when on the playground at school. I know some people think I am nuts, but if I am at all wary, I stay and hang out during the playdate, to "make sure the kids get along okay and get to know you (the parent) better."

[`guest`]

I think it's okay to tell them that you need to know the family before your son plays at their house. Just go over with him for a bit, and see how it feels, dynamics, etc. I think any good parent would understand; I would!

[SAHDS]

I wouldn't let DD (nearly 9) or DS (7.5) go to anyone's house I didn't know. On top of guns and other adults present, what about swimming pools, dogs, foods that may be served?

Why not go over with DS and meet the parents? Or, like another said, invite them over (although I like to go there and see the house and the people in their own element)?

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

But again, your 8 YO should know to walk away and tell an adult about a gun, or to immediately report any sort of inappropriate behavour. Make sure he knows how to call you if there is a problem. These are skills they really need to learn, and they won't if they never get to practice them.

I don't agree. I think that it is way too much to expect an 8 yo. Maybe, in a perfect world, yes, but realistically, it doesn't happen. Or, it might not happen. Either way, is it worth the chance? IMO, no. Just because a child should/does know something is bad/wrong, doesn't mean they can deal with the situation when presented.

And putting a child in a situation to "practice" doesn't teach them anything if nothing happens, right? They would learn only if something did go wrong. Why risk that?

Of course, I am pretty over-protective, and I see nothing wrong with that

[Snugglebunnymama]

Originally Posted by SAHDS

I wouldn't let DD (nearly 9) or DS (7.5) go to anyone's house I didn't know. On top of guns and other adults present, what about swimming pools, dogs, foods that may be served?

Why not go over with DS and meet the parents? Or, like another said, invite them over (although I like to go there and see the house and the people in their own element)?



I don't agree. I think that it is way too much to expect an 8 yo. Maybe, in a perfect world, yes, but realistically, it doesn't happen. Or, it might not happen. Either way, is it worth the chance? IMO, no. Just because a child should/does know something is bad/wrong, doesn't mean they can deal with the situation when presented.

And putting a child in a situation to "practice" doesn't teach them anything if nothing happens, right? They would learn only if something did go wrong. Why risk that?

Of course, I am pretty over-protective, and I see nothing wrong with that

No, I agree with you 100%!!

I was reading the post you quoted, and was thinking "well, then call my almost 8 y/o's 'sheltered' and call me 'over protective', but no way would they ever be going to someone's house whom I did not know."

They get enough 'independence'....when I send them to school all day.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by Tanibani

And I don't know this boy's (age 9, very nice) family at all. We usually stay after school and they play together. Jimmy has been to our house a few times, so now they want to switch it.

You've allowed this kid to "your" house and you don't know the parents? Why is that okay? Just curious. I'm not trying to be snarky but I don't understand how you can have a kid around your home and never met their parents. How have you done this so far if you don't communicate with the other parents? I don't get it, sorry.

I have a 13 yr old and before he can go to someone's house that I don't know I talk to the parents not only by phone or in the past at the school (we HS now) but I also go in their house and talk to them upon dropping my child off there.

[raksmama]

I was curious about this too!
I never let my son go to anyone's house without meeting and talking to the parents first. I always make a point of going inside the first time.
There are a few of my son's friends who go to our house but he is not allowed to go to their house because I feel the parents don't supervise enough.

Originally Posted by mommy68

You've allowed this kid to "your" house and you don't know the parents? Why is that okay? Just curious. I'm not trying to be snarky but I don't understand how you can have a kid around your home and never met their parents. How have you done this so far if you don't communicate with the other parents? I don't get it, sorry.

I have a 13 yr old and before he can go to someone's house that I don't know I talk to the parents not only by phone or in the past at the school (we HS now) but I also go in their house and talk to them upon dropping my child off there.