WWYD I need your wisdom

[kriket]

So, DH and I were talking and NIP came up.The conversation went something to the effect of:
me "I will feed them where ever I am whenever they want"
DH: "even in stores?"
me: "well, I'm not going to go out of my way to get my boobie out in public, If I notice they are hungry before we go into a store, I will feed them in the car"
DH: "you owe me for this one"
Now that last DH comment sounds snarky, but DH means no harm by it we "trade" "adult things" as concessions. example~ he got a project car he didn't need by wine-ing and dining me. things like that, he knows he's not going to stop me, he may as well get something nice out of it.
anyways, I asked him why he felt like this and he said that It makes him uncomfortable, I forgot to ask him if it was my breast in public that made him uncomfortable or NIP in general. I will ask that.
My quandary is, did any of you ladies have a DH that felt like this and what did you do? It seems like the more "baby" stuff we talk about, the more mainstream DH seems. I think that once we have a child his tune will change. I just wanted to hear what you ladies have been through so I have an idea of what to expect!

[birdie22]

For my dh, this took care of itself. It turns out that a hungry, crying baby (and a distressed, anxious mommy) attracts much more negative attention than a peacefully nursing baby.

[Emmeline II]

Car feeding can be uncomfortable, hot (from the sun-even in the winter), cold (and gas is to pricey to keep the car running), and boring. How often are you [and him] going to be ok spending 20-40min in the car every time you do it. Your dh may begin complaining about you coming along on errands and pressure you to pump or try formula. It is easier to get a Moby and nurse them as you walk. Or, if you rather be seated, find a seat in the store while your dh browses.

I also wouldn't put restrictions on you bf (I won't do it in "this" situation) or that puts other nursing moms in a bad light; saying "I'm not going to go out of my way to get my boobie out in public" implies to him that other mothers "whip it out" just for attention, for kicks, etc., and that they should have fed them in the car. For a lot of issues with parenting (though with bf it can come up a lot) it is better to say "I can't be sure how I want to handle that" than to have to explain your deviation from every parenting decision you made before you even got pregnant.

When I think about it I get angry about how my dh "made me" feed my first in the car. He also pressured me from time to time to wean after a year (I weaned ds at 3yrs). I'm also still angry at the attitudes of some family members.

Please stand up for yourself from the beginning so YOU aren't kicking yourself for years to come for not doing so. Do what YOU know is best for your baby, and do not stop doing it just because your dh chooses to feel embarrassed.

Kellymom.com is a great resource; reference it often when bf issues come up with your dh. "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" has a lot info on the benefits of bf; good potty reading for dh.

[alllyssa]

If this is your first baby, I wouldn't worry about his comment at all. I think it's probably pretty common for people to have certain ideas before they have a baby around 24/7 - before reality sets in and they realize that it just isn't possible to leave the house with any regularity and never nurse in public.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

I also wouldn't put restrictions on you bf (I won't do it in "this" situation) or that puts other nursing moms in a bad light; saying "I'm not going to go out of my way to get my boobie out in public" implies to him that other mothers "whip it out" just for attention, for kicks, etc., and that they should have fed them in the car. For a lot of issues with parenting (though with bf it can come up a lot) it is better to say "I can't be sure how I want to handle that" than to have to explain your deviation from every parenting decision you made before you even got pregnant.

amen, defiantly on that. I didn't mean to offend the BFing ladies with the "boobies in public" comment. I said it more to ease DH's mind. (because I am the kind of woman that would pull out my breast to make a point! ) I agree that the car can be a pain in the ass, and 85% of the time we don't drive, we walk or bike. I just need some help getting him over the uncontentious "boobies are playthings" mindset he seems to have.

[cognito]

I think he'll get over it. Both of our boys can be silly at times. DF is a little uneasy, but we'll work it out too. I always love to hear the compromises you guys come too. You two are quite the couple. I also think it's great that you guys are discussing all kinds of topics in advance. I never got that chance so we just kinda take things as they come.

[kittywitty]

He should get over it. My dh did. He had never been around bf before me, but I will just pop it out anywhere and not give a flying fig. He seemed uncomfortable at first, but then he totally got over it fast. Especially when my 3yo went through the "must have mommies shirt completely off to eat in the store" phase. She tried really hard.

So when he got over it, he made her a booby monster shirt and pointed it out to everyone. Especially his mom. She loved that one!

[mrsdocmartin]

Originally Posted by alllyssa

If this is your first baby, I wouldn't worry about his comment at all. I think it's probably pretty common for people to have certain ideas before they have a baby around 24/7 - before reality sets in and they realize that it just isn't possible to leave the house with any regularity and never nurse in public.

: DH was kind of the same way. He had no idea just how often DS ate. Your DH will also learn soon enough, that if anyone owes anyone it is going to be him owing you. He saves money with you BFing, he gets more sleep, etc. I bet if you remind him of this, he'll want to drop the subject completely!

[ASusan]

Originally Posted by birdie22

For my dh, this took care of itself.

This. And I just didn't necessarily engage him before I did something. Usually, the practice evolved to "my" way if I gently took the lead.

Just the other day, I was recalling the first time I NIP'd. It was at a local restaurant, and DH said at the time, "Now that you're pumping, we can bring a bottle so we can feed him when we're out." I just didn't even respond. Looking back, I think he sees how silly it would be to bring a bottle, a bag of frozen milk...But the first few NIP sessions are a little hairy trying to get a good latch, leaking milk everywhere (for me with overactive letdown)...But now at 6 mos, he just hands the babe over to me in public and says, "I think he's a little hungry. Do you want to nurse him now (before we leave a restaurant or go to another store...)?"

I found this to be the case with a lot of our practices - exclusive BF til 6 mos, not vaxing.... I just kept fairly quiet. With my DH, if I try to get into a logical, merit based discussion of a practice, he's likely to dig his heels in to 'defend' what he says. If he has less engagement, he has less practice in defending his positionand it's easier for him to change his mind. If he engages in a behavior or observes me doing it - and it works - then we move on.

[kriket]

the "owing" comment was DH for "you're going to do what you want and I am going to support you, but can I have a treat for my troubles?" Not any real debt.

[CallMeMommy]

Hey, when did you marry my DH? We do the "owe" thing too

He's also (still) squeamish about me NIP, but at this point his immaturity about the subject is a little ridiculous so I just ignore him.

[WNB]

Originally Posted by kriket

the "owing" comment was DH for "you're going to do what you want and I am going to support you, but can I have a treat for my troubles?" Not any real debt.

rofl... "his" troubles -- since, yeah, it's so much of a bother for HIM to feed the baby when you're out and it needs to nurse.

I'm sure it'll shake out once there is a real kid in the picture, but if this were happening at that point, I'd be steaming if I were you.

[Bookworm?]

My DH very quickly went from "you're not going to nurse him here, are you?" to "he's getting loud, will you nurse him already?" I think it was somewhere between our first and second outings as new parents. A crying baby attracts way more attention than a nursing one. He would still give me a raised eyebrow once in awhile with an older nursling doing acrobats and pulling on my other nipple but he was still quick with the get them quiet comments.

[Tine]

Would it help you/your DH to know that some DHs are the NIP activists? I was jittery about NIPing with our first, and DH was steadfastly in the "just feed him" and "nuts to them" camp. Eventually, thanks to him, I saw the light.

[indiemamma]

DHs usually get over it pretty quick, as other posters have said. I know when I was pg with Jonathan and started reading about nursing toddlers, etc., he said "when he's old enough to ask for it, he's too old". I just said "we'll see". Well, Jonathan started signing "milk" at about 7 months and we joked that "he's asking for it" then, but then when his verbal skills quickly followed and he was actually saying "milk" at 11 months, DH realized what a little guy he still was.

And today, I had the three foot tall 2-and-a-half-year-old nursing out at a ranch for an Earth Day event!! Not only can he ask for it, but will tell me that his sister wants "mommy milk" when she fusses, and its "Jon-thins turn next" when Hannah is all done. DH just joked, "are we going to sit in this field and nurse all day?" since we still hadn't got to the main barn yet. Like other posters have said, he's usually the one saying, "just feed him already" when he's fussing in public! Just keep quiet and let him figure it out. YOU are the mother, YOU are the milk-source, Daddy will get it pretty quick!

[kriket]

thank you ladies, You are a wealth of knowlage
we talked about it again and I told him what was said here, I think because it was the first time that he ever had to even think about the topic in his entire life he just responded without really thinking. I think he understands. I told him small babies need to eat every 2 hours and he said "really? oh" I also asked him what he would think of my breast once they were food, and he just said "there not food yet, so I get to play with them" I do agree that things will be different when there is a hungry person to scream in his ear

[jessjgh1]

Get him the t shirt that says... My kids share with daddy... or something like that...
maybe he will appreciate it??!! http://www.cafepress.com/buy/share+b...urce_searchBox (I share with my kids).

(Of course, there's always a small chance you might not want any daddy sharing for a little while).

Jessica

[eirual]

I haven't read all the replies, but wanted to say that the very fact that anyone be uncomfortable with you feeding your child (be it infant or toddler or whatever) just goes to show that people need to see more of it. It's all part of the idea of normalizing breastfeeding. Just do it wherever you need to whenever you need to, and know that in doing so you're inspiring others to do so too.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by eirual

the very fact that anyone be uncomfortable with you feeding your child (be it infant or toddler or whatever) just goes to show that people need to see more of it. It's all part of the idea of normalizing breastfeeding.

I totally and completely agree with this! I grew up LDS and there were always a TON of women nursing everywhere you went! DH however never had that kind of exposure, and I think it makes him nervous!

[mysticmomma]

I think MOST dad's are mainstream until they start living it with an AP type mama and baby. We hear more about women converting their dh than men converting their dw.