Pregnant without a home on MDC. Vent. - Page 2

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by ~Mamaterra~

Please understand that it isn't that I feel like the mamas on the UC board aren't welcoming, it is the fact that there are going to be days on when I am going to feel crappy because of the nature of my pg (high risk, meds, PAL) and I feel uncomfortable expressing that here because, generally, women who have low risk pg UC and may not understand where I am coming from.

As long as you don't mind sympathy from someone who doesn't understand where you're coming from but can see that it's not a pleasant place to be, complain away.

Originally Posted by ~Mamaterra~

I don't know if I can vent because I am planning a UC and quite frankly, I feel guilty for complaining about ANYTHING pregnancy related because of my history. Like I should just be grateful to be pregnant....

Ugh. That's right up there with "why not just be grateful you have a healthy baby?" after some woman's got PTSD from the horrible delivery.

If anything, you've worked so hard to get pregnant you should get to have an easy time of it. It really isn't fair that you had to work hard to get pregnant at all and now you've got this upward climb of having to fight with being high risk and taking meds and everything.

Everyone deserves to complain about pregnancy, you especially have earned the right.

[arcingpath]

I haven't read the linked threads, but from this one, I can see why you feel fringe, but I really don't think that matters. Everyone offers a unique part of the picture. I admire where it sounds like you are coming from, and even if some don't, that's ok, we need you in the mix.

I hate it when people don't listen to my questions and instead tell me what they think I should be doing differently. I tend to be sensitive, but have to learn to keep it in perspective and really tune out the answers that don't pertain to me and my questions.

I hope you can get some good support wherever you end up, even if you have to ignore a few opinions. Good luck!

And please don't feel guilty! "Everyone deserves to complain about pregnancy" from the pp. That was so funny! And true!

[Seie]

I dont see why you SHOULDNT be here!
If you are hoping for a UC - then this is your home. I dont think anyone here would NOT seek medical attention when they feel they need it. You are an intelligent, informed woman. You are the expert on your problems and I trust your ability to make those difficult decisions along the way.
Welcome

[ccohenou]

Originally Posted by zoebird

questioning your current decision--even if out of concern and care--is really questioning your agency and sovereignty.

Bologna.
Someone may be seeking cosigners for their decisions ("tell me it will be okay"), but that doesn't mean that anyone is obligated to, or even ethically should, put their name on the dotted line.

OP, you may find that a perinatologist who can work in collaboration with your cardiologist will be more sensitive to your needs and more able to help you have a healthy pregnancy and birth than any old OB, even if you ultimately do UC. Special needs call for special expertise...obviously your old OB was not up to the task.

[cellarstella]

I hope you can feel welcome here! For every person who expresses strong opinions that you didn't come for, there are 20 who will just listen and support you. I think it's important to have both kinds of people, and just remember on MDC that since nobody really knows you (in most cases), you can't take anything personally.

I actually popped on to the UC forum because I was feeling out of place in my DDC. Half the posts on the first page are about u/s and the rest are about genders and names. I'm not doing any u/s this pregnancy, therefore not finding out gender, and I'm also not choosing a name yet. I'm of an average weight, so I think I would know if I was having twins. I would guess that an overweight woman could tell or at least have some inkling as well? I pretty much keep my decisions to myself, especially around family, because they think that complications and defects are something I would want to find out about. Luckily since this is my second pregnancy, they trust me a little more than the first. Still... how can anyone else know why and how you make your decisions? Why would anyone assume that you are simply making a quick emotional decision without thinking it through? FWIW, I'm low risk and feel out of place most of the time. This is the one forum where I've felt a heckuva lot more support than criticism.

I don't know details or understand your high risk status, but I do believe every woman deserves the chance to birth the way she envisions! I see "high risk" as just an label-excuse to intervene more and remove power from your hands. You know what your body can do, what your personal risks are, and what interventions you need and do not need. If anything, it's because you worked so hard to be pregnant that you should want to completely involved in your pregnancy. Kudos to you for retaining your power over your body!

[vaughnmama]

Just a quick
And I want to say I respect you, and you don't have to explain your reasoning to me, and I won't tell you what you should do.

[accountclosed3]

i agree with sapphire_chan here. I may not know what you are going through, but i can still support your experiences and choices. like cellarstella wrote, a lot of women feel isolated in their unique experience. i alluded to that as well, in my original post.

obviously, ccochenuo, you failed to read post 11, or you would have seen that i wasn't asking anyone to sign on the "dotted line."

[~Mamaterra~]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

If anything, you've worked so hard to get pregnant you should get to have an easy time of it. It really isn't fair that you had to work hard to get pregnant at all and now you've got this upward climb of having to fight with being high risk and taking meds and everything.

Everyone deserves to complain about pregnancy, you especially have earned the right.

Oh Sapphire Chan! If I could give you a hug it would be a tight, slobbery, thank you hug. I burst into tears reading this because it made me feel so validated. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

I am soooo emotional right now that I am more impressionable and sensitive than I normally would be and any suggestion that I am on the wrong track sends me spinning wildly off into left field.

Whenever anyone ask me "how are you feeling?" I say "Great, because I am feeling so horrible." Meaning that I know that this pregnancy, this BABY is going all the way

[accountclosed3]

Whenever anyone ask me "how are you feeling?" I say "Great, because I am feeling so horrible." Meaning that I know that this pregnancy, this BABY is going all the way

this gave me such a chuckle.

and of course you're sensitive--you've been through a lot and to go through that AND go through what you are going through without the feeling of adequate support AND add to that that people are critical and not able to stay out of it (for whatever reason) and give you your emotional space. . .

well duh! of course you're emotional.

i also hope that, through all of this, you're also really excited about your pregnancy and birth.

[~Mamaterra~]

Oh Zoe....do you know that you are one of my favorite people?!?

I just feel so zen after reading any of your posts. You immediately relax me. Your students are so lucky!

[accountclosed3]

i'm glad it is helpful. sometimes, i don't feel so 'zen' myself, but i find that just writing out what i'm feeling really helps me a lot.

i'm really excited for you!

[zonapellucida]

s mama from a fellow PAL who is "high risk" but still UP and UCing

[ccohenou]

Originally Posted by zoebird

i agree with sapphire_chan here. I may not know what you are going through, but i can still support your experiences and choices. like cellarstella wrote, a lot of women feel isolated in their unique experience. i alluded to that as well, in my original post.

obviously, ccochenuo, you failed to read post 11, or you would have seen that i wasn't asking anyone to sign on the "dotted line."

Obviously, zeobrid, you are questioning my sovereignty and moral agency by attempting to draw limits upon my expression of my inner light in this discussion here. Of course one has the capability to keep one's convictions and concerns private - you have that same capability with regard to others who disagree with you, as well. But you choose to use a different capability, as do I.
So, love and light and all that.

[crissei]

Can I just remind everyone that this a UC support forum. We are of course under no obligation to support anyone that we don't choose to, but out of respect for the OP and the UA...

Anyway, to get back on track

OP, I do feel like I am in a similar situation. I'm considered high risk for several reasons, and am choosing to UP/UC. I'm just to chicken to talk about it here.

[mamaSun loveMore]

hey...

just wanted to drop you a hug...

i for one think your presence enhances the beauty of MDC. no two women (or two pregnancies for that matter) are alike and it really helps to know others experiences, challenges and triumphs.

i post in many of the forums and lurk around in even more. while i doubt that i relate %100 percent to anyone in any forum, its just nice to know that we are all in this together more or less...

so welcome. and may you find yourself at home wherever you decide to post because your experience is just as valid as anyone else's.

also- don't forget about all the mamas who are lurking and drawing inspiration from your stories. just because they don't post doesn't mean you didn't make them feel validated!

[prettypixels]

That sucks about your previous doctor. Seriously sucks. And they wonder why so many people don't trust doctors!!!!

I wish you a beautiful, peaceful, and healthy birth.

[amandaanne]

Hi Mamaterra, I've been sort of following your posts since I got pregnant...we are in the same DDC. I relate to you in so many ways...I'm also pregnant after a loss (though I haven't been through half of what you have), I'm hoping for a UP/UC even though I have some medical issues that might force me to get help (weak kidneys, weak heart due to periodontitis that I'm still recovering from) and I even have a ruptured ovarian cyst. I read your thread in our DDC about your worry of ectopic pregnancy...I had the exact same worry and didn't post because I was feeling so negative and just terrified that my pregnancy was ectopic too. Finding out it was just a cyst was one of the best moments of my life…I imagine you felt the same.

Your worry about not belonging anywhere is also something I can totally relate to. Our DDC definitely makes me feel out of place and with all the worries I have I feel like I could be an annoyance for people here in the UC forum. Yet, I tend to feel that if you have worries or complaints, this forum is one of the best places to talk about them. For the most part people don’t judge you and you can find such incredible support here.

Anyway, I’m sorry I’m not offering very much in the way of encouragement. I just wanted to let you know you're not the only one with the worries you have. Maybe we'll be able to share some of the ups and downs of our pregnancies together and hopefully we’ll both end up with lovely UCs this December.

[accountclosed3]

thanks crissei--that's basically what i was trying to assert, without bringing "the rules" into it.

[Collinsky]

Originally Posted by sunnymw

You are doing what Unassisted Pregnancy and Childbirth is really all about... which is following your instincts, even if those include getting outside medical help.

: Absolutely.

I was wondering if it would be possible to start a "Planning UC/HB but not Low Risk" thread or tribe? You might find a lot more women here who have had UCs or non-interventive homebirths even with a "high risk" label, or others who are planning to, or those who would like to but don't think they can.