PolyParents - a ? for you

[mehndi mama]

Does anyone here know of a forum-based discusion group (as opposed to e-mail lists, which drive me nuts) for Poly Parents? Everything I find seems to be made up of families with no kids! It's aggrivating - all the questions I have are related to family dynamics with a bunch of kids running around.....
I tried looking on the lovemore site, but it seems that all the links are dead right now.
Is this something that maybe someone should start? Or does a forum exist already?

Feel free to PM me if you like - I've got poly on the brain right now & want to talk talk talk!

[Ravin]

I normally recommend the polyparent email list, but you said email lists drive you crazy--it's not very high volume, but gets responses/discussion when someone does post, if either of those is your concern.

Of course there's also right here.

I'm poly, by the way, but not presently in a poly live-in situation...I do have some intimate friends who have 3 kids, it's going to be interesting the next time we get together to see if their kids like mine--although i doubt they'll disapprove of the baby!

[Mama Katrina]

www.polymatchmaker.com has forums on it, and you can click on looking for other poly friends vs mates too or not looking, so it's more than a "match maker" thing. The rest I know of is Yahoo Groups (which you can check via the yahoo group website, which is what I do since I too hate e-mail list.)

[BCmommy]

Prolly a silly question-but what is a poly parent? help educate me please!

[mehndi mama]

PolyParents are parents involved in or open to polyamorous relationships - loving (emotionally and/or sexually) more than one.

[Nicke]

I think the best way I have ever heard it explained is:
Polyamory is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultanously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. Polyamory is an umbrella term which integrates traditional mutipartner relationship terms with more evolved egalitarian terms. Polyamory embraces sexual equality and all sexual orientations towards an expanded circle of spousal intimacy and love. Polyamory is from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves" or Polyamory. Of course, love itself is a rather ambiguous term, but most polys seem to define it as a serious, intimate, romantic, or less stable, affectionate bond which a person has with another person or group of persons. This bond usually, though not necessarily always, involves sex. Sexualove or eromance are other words which have been coined to describe this kind of love. Other terms often used as synonyms for polyamory are responsible, ethical or intentional non-monogamy.
HTH!

[Konur's Mom]

That is a beautiful description!

[CyndiN]

Originally Posted by Ravin

I normally recommend the polyparent email list, but you said email lists drive you crazy--it's not very high volume, but gets responses/discussion when someone does post, if either of those is your concern.

Hi, I'd love the info for that list. I prefer email to web forums by far. My partner the father-to-be might be interested.

Thanks,
Cyndi

[Indigo73]

I belong to Poly Match Maker but also the following lists as well:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyParenting
http://groups.msn.com/PolyParenting (semi-dead)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/polyfamilies (don't belong to, too busy)

**editted to add**

There is another one, Polyparent that you can join by going to http://www.lovemore.com/egroups, I think.

[BeansEemie]

Also looking for other PolyMamas

Hi there,
I am not aware of many resources for poly families, though I am also looking. I belong to the Yahoo polyfamilies list, but I almost never read their messages because there are so many, and so few of them are about raising children. Anyway, I have two partners, our ds is a little over 2yo, (and a big talker, which has already caused some confused looks from strangers ) and my wife is pregnant and due in February. I am looking for other mamas with similar (?) families to talk to about...oh, I don't know, how you explain why none of the families in any of the storybooks look like ours, legal issues, extended family issues, what you cook for dinner for large families?
I have enjoyed a website, Our Little Quad, that has good advice, resources, and recipes even, but no message board. I don't know if there is one out there specifically for poly parents, but I am happy to chat here. I am not sure how PM works, but I have my AIM screen name listed if people want to talk directly.
--Bean's Eemie

[CyndiN]

Hi Bean's Eemie, welcome. I'm bi and pregnant and not currently seeing anyone else but my fiance (straight and male) has a second gf. Since she doesn't live with us and her children are grown, I don't know how it will affect things with our child. We haven't even seen her since I got pregnant (she used to be around the corner but we moved and now she's an hour away).

I am on a local poly mailing list which has a lot of parents on it. Their potlucks and such are sometimes kid-friendly and sometimes adults-only (host gets to choose).

I had my first prenatal visit yesterday and I think I shocked the midwife a bit. "You're monogamous, right?" she asked. Well no, actually... She kept asking "so you're in an 'open relationship?'" and didn't quite get it but was okay. LOL well there are 3 midwives so I guess I get to have this conversation with the other two as well.

[BeansEemie]

In my experience, you only have to come out to one doctor in the practice and somehow they all know Our OB for Kate's first pregnancy was really wonderful. I think the first thing she said about our family was something about how great it was that out baby would have three parents to love and support him. We were really lucky to find her.

[hippiemom2]

My dh and I were poly before kids but now.... I don't know if it is something that I would still like to do. I am concerned the children will be confused. Plus, since we have had children I haven't had the time to pursue another relationship. Also, my dh is really insecure about me leaving him for another woman so we have to work that out before we could even entertain the idea of getting a girlfriend. I think once the children are older and we are older, a girlfriend will be the kick that we may need to enter into the twilight years. Until then... well, there is always lots of porn. LOL! just kidding

Peace,
Shelbi

[CyndiN]

Originally Posted by hippiemom2

My dh and I were poly before kids but now.... I don't know if it is something that I would still like to do. I am concerned the children will be confused.

Well now that I'm pregnant I haven't had any desire to go off and date someone else but we'll see how I feel later. I have zero problems with my SO being with other women.

The way I look at it is that every adult has close friendships outside of their relationship. The difference with poly is that some of those friendships include sex (or some of the causual encounters, or whatever). People always ask aren't I jealous that my SO has another gf and the answer is no. The truth is that I miss him when he's not with me but I miss him just as much when he's spending the night with his female friend who is married and totally mono (he does that when he's going to a conference in the city) as when he spends the night with his gf. I don't care *what* he's doing, just that he's not with me.

I see no reason to tell children what it is you do with your friends. They will know the friends and know which ones are special and they'll see that you spend the night away sometimes and other times the friend stays over. Some of the friends you do this with will be just friends and some will be more. And I do have platanic friends I snuggle with btw.

It gets a bit more complicated when you have primary relationships with more than one person or a secondary that is live-in or very serious. But hey, kids understand more than most people give them credit for.

I figure we'll work out the adult relationships first and the kids will be a part of that in whatever way is appropriate. If we ever do a live-in then our child will have a step-parent. We'll just play it by ear.