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Do your kids refer to adults as "Miss Firstname" and "Mister Firstname"? - Page 3

post #41 of 137
It's partly a Southern thing IMO. It's Miss/Mr. Firstname here, and that's what we are teaching our 3 y.o. DD. That also applies to her preschool teachers. Except in the case of really good friends, then sometimes it's Auntie/Uncle Firstname. DH started that when he was a kid...all his extended family lives overseas, so he and his immediate family created an "extended family" network. DD refers to these old family friends as Aunties and Uncles.

I don't mind being Miss Firstname, partly cause I am Southern, and partly cause I have a difficult last name. It's better than being called, "Miss! Miss! MIIIIIIISSSSS!!!" which is what the students called me when I student taught and substituted in the schools. Although if I was currently working in the public schools the standard would be "Mrs. Lastname." And "Sir" and "Ma'am" are standard here too.

ETA "here" is Texas.
post #42 of 137
Definitely the norm in TN, where I grew up, not at all in the Pacific NW, where I lived the last few years, and my dd goes to a Montessori school here in the NE where the teacher (who grew up in the midwest) has the kids address her as Miss Lisa, which I find strange, but it doesn't really bother me. I much prefer other forms of address, and prefer to have kids just call me by my first name.
post #43 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by amcal View Post
I think it's funny that an intended sign of respect is so annoying to people. It's not like the kids are calling out "Hey! Fartface!"
ITA

my dd was in a Montessori for 2 years and they referred to the teachers as Teacher Firstname.

I don't understand what all the fuss is about teaching children respectful forms of address.
post #44 of 137
No. But I do try and teach them to remember to say sir and ma'am when responding to adults.
post #45 of 137
My kids call the adults around them whatever I call them. So it's mostly first names. As kids we called our parents friends by their first names but our friends' parents by their last names.
Except, of course for dance teachers..they were Miss, "firstname"

Most kids did not go to preschool (where teachers are generally "miss firstname") when I was growing up so I think that's why something that was generally a southern has become widespread.

My niece's friend's all call my sister, "Miss firstname" and it makes her crazy..in a funny way.
post #46 of 137
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by twilight girl View Post

I don't understand what all the fuss is about teaching children respectful forms of address.
Because it doesn't seem respectful to me. The opposite, actually.

To quote Mamazee:
Quote:
I wish parents would let their kids just call me by my first name but they seem to think it's more respectful to call me Miss Firstname, even though I hate it. I sound like an 8-year-old pre-Civil War southern girl. Miss Scarlet! Miss Scarlet!
But if someone actually preferred to be called Miss/Mister Firstname, we would certainly respect their wishes, even though it bugs me and grates on my nerves.
post #47 of 137
Only in playschool did they refer to their teachers as Miss Lori, Miss Pam, etc(even though they were all married, it was always Miss).

The only other time they(or anyone else) refer to anyone as Mr. or Mrs. anything is at school.

It's very cultural as here no kids call parents Mr. or Mrs unless they're at school. Sometimes then it's Mrs. H instead of their full last name too. I work at the school & it drives me nuts when they call me Mrs. lastname. If they don't know my name it's Asha/Nadia/Tirza's mom, Teacher or Supervisor which I prefer too. I'd rather be just Carrie, but i know at the school they require it so I suck it up.lol Amongst the teachers they call themselves by first names & I have to ask wha the last name is as I know most of them by lastnames not first.lol

I prefery ANYTHING over being called Ma'am.

I've always been one who believes formalities are overrated.lol
post #48 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by akwifeandmomma View Post
Because it doesn't seem respectful to me. The opposite, actually.
But you know that the intent is to be respectful.
post #49 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarrieMF View Post
I prefery ANYTHING over being called Ma'am.
OMG yes. I loathe ma'am. Except when my daughter says it to be funny.
post #50 of 137
We justed watched The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman. It's a fictional account of a woman who lived as a slave and died during the civil rights movement of the 1960's. At any rate, every one of any age, and every color, refers to her as Miss Jane. I rather liked that. It's personable, but not too. I live in New England and we never refer to people by Miss First Name. Ever! lol Yet it feels so cozy.

I remember reading To Kill a Mockingbird (takes place n the south pf the 1950's) , and it was Miss this and Miss that, no matter the color or age. It seems so innocent and kind...and yet my kids always call everyone by their first names or Mr or Mrs Last Names. There are no other choices. I like having another choice.

Shoot me now. :
post #51 of 137
All of the kids do it here, and I think it's a lovely custom. It doesn't bother me if one of the kids occasionally calls me just by my first name, but quite honestly I like hearing "Miss Kristi?". It sounds so sweet coming from my friends' kids.
post #52 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessy1019 View Post
No, my kids refer to adults by their first names only, unless the adult makes it clear that s/he wants to be called Mr. or Mrs. That's only happened once, with an older lady friend at the pool -- she wants the kids to call her Mrs. D. If she wasn't great and loving with the kids, I'd think her a bit of an @$$ for it, to be honest. I don't like the idea that respect is conveyed through titles, nor do I like treating kids like a separate class of people.
A separate class of people?

In my world, titles of respect can be in varied forms...Grandman, Boppa, Auntie, Miss (firstname), Ms. or Mrs. or Mr. (lastname), jobtitile (lastname).

I call my husband's boss "Chief >>>>" because I do think he deserves a separate level of respect. Even though I am no longer in the FD, I still think that level of respect is earned.

Do those of you who don't like "titles' tell your kids to call their healthcare providers, teachers, or other instructors by their first names?

IMO, we do kids a great disservice by not letting them experience the fact (in a gentle way like by using "Miss Amy" instead of plain "Amy") that adults and children are NOT social equals.

(Please don't jump on me and say that I'm implying that kids don't have inherent human rights just like adults. Of course they do! But kids are kids for a reason...and IMHO looking up to and showing respect for adults, mentors, instructors, etc., is an important part of growing up).

My 12 yo daughter is in a martial arts class, and she calls a 12 yo black belt "Ma'am" and "Yes, ma'am, Miss S...., Ma'am" because it is important to show that kind of respect.


love, penelope
post #53 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessy1019 View Post
I loathe ma'am. Except when my daughter says it to be funny.
Honest question...why??
post #54 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by spruce View Post
In my world, titles of respect can be in varied forms...Grandman, Boppa, Auntie, Miss (firstname), Ms. or Mrs. or Mr. (lastname), jobtitile (lastname).
None of those strike me as respectful . . . things like grandma or aunt are custom for referring to the people who are related in that way, but I wouldn't feel disrespected if my hypothetical grandchildren or nieces/nephews called me Jessy.

Quote:
Do those of you who don't like "titles' tell your kids to call their healthcare providers, teachers, or other instructors by their first names?
It hasn't been an issue with my kids, but growing up when my dad was sick, we called all of his doctors by their first names. Same when my mom had breast cancer. It wasn't Dr. Lowenstein or Dr. Starker, it was Dennis and Paul.

Quote:
IMO, we do kids a great disservice by not letting them experience the fact (in a gentle way like by using "Miss Amy" instead of plain "Amy") that adults and children are NOT social equals.
I don't think that should be true, and I won't teach that to my children. The kids I know who were taught that way grew into young adults incapable of participating in adult conversations, so I may be biased by my experiences.

And I don't like being called ma'am because I don't like silly formalities like that, and I'm not that old, nor do I want to be treated like I am.
post #55 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamabeca View Post
My kids do Montessori schools from age 3 on, and there the focus is on equality and child directed learning, so the kids call everyone by their first names all the time, from the principal to the bus lady. I like it, I think it does create an equal playing field in which children respect adults that respect children, kwim?
Funny. I teach piano lessons at a Montessori school and they teach all the children to say "Miss Firstname" I found it odd at first and would much prefer to be called "Marja" but they want to call me "Miss Marja" so that's what I get!

I have asked my friend's kids to call me by my first name but friend insists on Mrs. Lastname. Eww.
post #56 of 137
Quote:
The kids I know who were taught that way grew into young adults incapable of participating in adult conversations, so I may be biased by my experiences.
I'm fairly certain that a majority of languages use titles of one sort or another and certainly their use is widespread in English. I'm positive that the almost every American has used "Mr." or "Mrs." or "Dr." or "Fr." or "Rabbi" or whatever at some point. So I'd be very surprised if all children who addressed people with titles grew to be adults "incapable of participating in adult conversations".

How do you feel about socially "equal" titles, such as "sister <first name>" or "comrade <first name>"?

What about diminuitive forms of names only given to children... Katie, Johnny, Robbie, etc...? What about nicknames like "sweet pea" or "baby" or "peanut" or whatever... Are those a sign of a class difference to you?

How do you feel about other languages where register or formality is encoded in the grammar... so that you use a certain pronoun with older people and a different one for younger people (like du/Sie in German)... or use third person instead of second person for verb conjugation (like in Polish) with people who you want to show respect? What about Japanese honorifics where there is an elaborate system of titling and affixes to stratify different levels of society? Would you use these when traveling abroad? Would you allow your children to learn these languages?
post #57 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by bc1995 View Post
I live in Lousiana also and it is the norm around here to refer to adults as Miss/Mr Firstname. I grew up in central Arkansas, and we also did the same thing back then. And you also are always expected to say Yes/No Ma'am/Sir.
yea I grew up in central AR , TX and MS. And we ALWAYS were told to say yes ma'am and no sir.

My kids, I'm not so particular about what they say and I don't think saying "yes" or "no" is particularly rude or even calling adults by their first name. There are alot worse things that can be said!
post #58 of 137
My kids use - Mrs / Mr. Last name unless they are close friends. I also prefer to be called - Mrs. Last name - I find it really rude for a child to call me by my first name unless I ask them to.
post #59 of 137
I like Mr./ Mrs./ Ms....
Call me crazy, but I think it adds color to society. I don't think it makes kids any less of people. I think if everyone is just their first name it's just blah.. blend...

I like all kinds of titles for various reason... from mama, and papa, to Ms., and Dr., and my DP's grandfather was an architect, so people called him Architect Lastname (in Italy). I love that... I love that a child can look with reverance at an older person and recognize that they have discovered mysteries of life that kids only begining to notice. I think most cultures demand(ed) particular respect for the elders, and instread of taking it an insult to all children, I take it as a lesson in mysteries and cycle of life, how we each play our own role, and claim our own place in life.

Sounds complicated, but to me titles are neat. I love that my sixth-graders call me Ms. Lastname... Call me crazy. If you wish to think that I disrespect them by expecting a title, what can I say? You are free to think what you wish. I also don't consider it as a disrespect to myself to use a title with an older person as my upbringing demands it.

The only thing that matters is how much heart we put into our interactions with people, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. To each its own...
post #60 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by spruce View Post

Do those of you who don't like "titles' tell your kids to call their healthcare providers, teachers, or other instructors by their first names?

IMO, we do kids a great disservice by not letting them experience the fact (in a gentle way like by using "Miss Amy" instead of plain "Amy") that adults and children are NOT social equals.

(Please don't jump on me and say that I'm implying that kids don't have inherent human rights just like adults. Of course they do! But kids are kids for a reason...and IMHO looking up to and showing respect for adults, mentors, instructors, etc., is an important part of growing up).
ITA
My dd will call adults Mr./Mrs. Lastname. Unless they object, my best friend objected to both Mrs Lastname, Miss Firstname, so we use Auntie. I'm not a big fan of Auntie for non relatives, but it's what she prefers and I'm fine with it.
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