Not feeling like a very good lactivist :(

[LittlePeanut]

I have an online acquaintance that I have met a few times IRL. She is due to give birth any day now. She has a 10 y/o DS who was FF. She has no intention what-so-ever of BF this DC. She has implied that the stigma in her small town on BF is just too much to overcome and she WANTS to FF. She has asked such questions as how to dry up her milk supply ASAP after the birth in order to avoid discomfort. This has led me to believe that she does not even intend to give the baby her colostrum.

This makes me very sad amongst other feelings. I feel like I should somehow encourage her to at the very minimum pump and bottle feed the baby the colostrum but I don't know how to approach her.

Any ideas or suggestions? I know it's her right to choose but I just feel like crap not doing anything, kwim? I feel like not saying anything implies that FF is acceptable to ME and it's not. Why oh why are some women given perfectly functional breasts and yet choose to FF when there are those who desperately WANT to BF and cannot?

What would you do?

LP

[heatherweh]

There is nothing you can do I'm afraid. it was very good of you to argue the case with her this far. Maybe bring up the fiancial aspect and then see if she might be willing to at least BF just during those critical first weeks 9then mayeb she'll get hooked on it). I know how hard it is, I have had that experience with friends and family too. It is disappointing and infuriating even. IMHO if a woman already feels so strongly against it then there won't be any changing her mind. Forcing the issue will only lead to resentment. So you kind of have 2 choices, either accept it (I'm not saying endorse it), or if you can not accept it and manage to get past it, like seeing her bottle-feed her newborn, then you will have to put that friendship on the back-burner temporarily. On the other hand, if you decide to be respectful of her choices, she needs to do the same for you by not putting down breastfeeding or saying she's glad she didn't, etc... I've had friends g that route and that is NOT acceptable to me. If I am respectful of your inferior choice, then you need to be respectful of my superior one. Claude knows its hard to be humble.

[littlecityfarmer]

I have to agree... You can't force her to bf-- all you can do is provide info and support.

[marisa724]

If you decide to say anything, you might want to show her this article by Diane Wiessinger:

http://www.parentingweb.com/lounge/dw_wean.htm

Even if she decides to quit once she's home, she might be open to BFing in the hospital at least a little. In my personal experience, I always tend to find that congratulating moms on what they are willing to do, rather than 'tsking' about what they aren't, yields better results.

[Dabble]

Is this woman my sister? lol

I agree with PP - there is no hope here. If she's anything like my sister, changing her mind to get her to BF, even briefly, would be as difficult as changing mine to exclusively FF. It just isn't going to happen.

I would let her know that you don't support FF as a choice, and that you cannot be of assistance to her "drying up" her milk. She's on her own with that one, and if it causes her some discomfort, that's her problem to deal with.

[Thandiwe]

Just wanted to put my : in. While I love openly supporting bf'ing and getting on my soap box about the benefits, I've found the greatest response by simply openly and happily breastfeeding. By being a living example, I've been able to improve the image of bf'ing in my BFF and her DH's house (who have 3 FF babes). Prior to my oldest bf'ing, they thought it was really weird. During her last pg, though, she asked a lot of q's. Sadly, she didn't bf, but the image was a lot more positive to her. I consider that a success! I also try to remember that I truly hate being criticized for my non-popular beliefs, like co-sleeping and non-vaxing, so I try not to make other moms feel judged or less than good for the choices they make. That definitely doesn't make them want to bf more!

Remember, you get more bees with honey than with vinegar!